Life is like riding a roller coaster - blindfolded.

You feel it moving, speeding up and slowing down, you feel it climbing at times - working hard and feel it suddenly plummet as it makes a crest over some huge hill and you are suddenly sailing through the air.  You can't see what twists and turns are coming or prepare for the sudden depths that your car plunges, only to even out when you least expect it. The only options you have are to hang on or throw your hands up to the sky and roll with it. You can't fight it. You can't jump off and you can't pause the smooth sections as hard as you may try. You may wish you could stand on the platform for awhile, catch your breath and just watch as the empty car travels along without you - but you can't. Life does not come with a pause button.

On the roller coaster we call life; there is only one direction you can go. Forward. There is no chance of reversing; no going back and side to side is never an option. Where you came from doesn't matter nearly as much as where you are going. But, like life, your view of what is in front of you will not become clear until you get there. You can prepare yourself as best you can, as long as you are looking forward. But if you are constantly looking back to where you came from - you just might miss what is in front of you when it comes

You can never go back. Sometimes I think this is one of the hardest lessons that people learn. You can never go back. You cannot undo certain things and while most are tempted to hold on as tightly as possible - once something has ended, you have to move on. Otherwise you are left clinging to memories and to ghosts that are shadows of a part of your life that is over.  You have to keep going forward - regardless of how scary the thought of it can be. 

Life is fluid. 

Someone once said to me during a particularly difficult period in my life the words - everything will work out. I remember looking at them and sighing. A sigh loaded with defeat and sadness. I asked them when. When would everything be ok? When would life magically work out? How in the hell could it possibly ever be anything but a struggle? I was dealing with so many different things at the same time, for so long - I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I look at them and angrily told them not to give me platitudes. I didn't need any flowery phrases or inspirational gobbly gook. What I need was a break.

Sitting here now years later I realized something. Everything does eventually work out. Maybe not in the way you wanted. Maybe not in the way you envisioned it. But it does. As I sit here looking back over a number of moments in my life that at the time I could never see my way through to the other side of, I realize that each and every one of them are over. Some I would love different endings and some I wish I could do over differently - but they are over and I am still standing. Weary maybe. Slightly jaded and possibly a little more neurotic then I was - but still standing. 

So it is with whatever you are facing in your life right now. I know that it feels like your problems and circumstances will never change. That things will never get better or you will never find your happy again. That the "everything will work out" phrase is nothing more than inspirational bullshit and maybe it is. Maybe life doesn't actually ever work out. Maybe it just acclimates and readjusts to our changing circumstances. But I promise you that regardless of how dark everything seems right now, how overwhelming and completely unsolvable your problems and stresses feel - you will eventually get through them. May take days, may take weeks or like me for some of them - years. But you will get there. You will always get there and you will be a better, stronger person for it. You will know, without any shadow of a doubt, that you can handle anything and everything life throws at you.

You will see eventually that all the crap you have gone through, are going through or will be going through - will try you, it will test you and it will do everything it can to break you. But if you trust that eventually it will work out - somehow and that you will get to the other side, none of it will break you. Like being on a roller coaster - you take what comes your way. Throw your hands up and scream when you need to, or cover your eyes and hold on tight - but keep looking forward, because that next sudden twist could lead you into something amazing that you never thought possible. That next turn could be your turn. Your turn for happy. Your turn for success. Your turn to make everything ok in your world.

As Robert Frost once said,
 "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life- It goes on." 

As will you. You are strong enough to see yourself through whatever it is you are facing. You are strong enough to fight to get to where you need to be. You are strong enough to see the other side of life. Never doubt that for a minute. Trust that eventually everything will work out. Promise.

You arrive home from work tired and stressed and wanting nothing more than a warm bath, glass of wine and quiet. Instead you are greeted by a sullen husband, screaming kids and a dog that feels like he hasn't seen you in months. Your husband calmly listens as you describe your day - in detail. He grunts a few times in response and you suddenly feel like he is upset with you. You asked the question that every man dreads and very few actually answer, “what’s wrong with you?"

You get the standard answer of "I'm Fine" and he walks away. You spend the rest of the evening worrying it over in your mind. The, is-he-angry-doesn't-love-me-anymore-I've-done-something-wrong litany goes in circles in your exhausted head and you get frustrated and sad. The next day you reach out to your best friend and talk to her about it.  When you get home the next afternoon you sit him down and demand he tell you what's wrong. He gives you an angry response of nothing, tells you that if you keep asking him "what's wrong" - something will be wrong. The conversation goes downhill from there and you both retreat.  You feel like he is hiding something.

He knows he is hiding something. But, it's not even close to what you are thinking. He is hiding the simple fact that he is sad. That he is overwhelmed with the stress of life and he doesn't know what to do. He loves you with everything he has. He loves his family and would do anything for them. Except for reasons he can't put his finger on - he feels like his is failing. At being a good husband, a good father, a good provider and a good man.  He is facing a slew of emotions that to him are unmanly. They make him feel weak and that in turn makes him angry. Not at you. Not at the kids or the dog. Not really at the guy going the speed limit in front of him. Anger is a manly emotion. It is an accepted emotion for a guy. A man knows that tears, sadness and depression are something he can never admit to. Never show. Not to you, not to his friends and most of all, not to himself.

Over the past couple of weeks I have received four messages from four different men, each coming from different parts of the country, different backgrounds and different living situations. Two were married, one was living with his girlfriend, and one was single.  All of them feeling worthless, lost, depressed, and overwhelmed. None of them knew what to do. They felt like they couldn't talk to their wives, friends or family.  They were angry, alone and confused. They felt isolated because men are supposed to be strong, confident and good providers. Each admitted that their anger was out of control and one had been contemplating suicide. In communicating with these guys I realized something. How much pressure men are under. From society, from other men, but mostly, from themselves. 

We all know the stereotypes. Women are talkers, women are emotional beings and it is perfectly acceptable to cry whenever they need the released. Society expects it, is ok with it and finds nothing wrong when a woman shows her feelings. On the other hand, men are not talkers. Men are doers, they are stoic creatures, and they are strong. They are the protectors, the providers and are for the most part, emotionless. They can be happy for that is accepted. They can show anger and dominance for that is accepted too.   Men are programmed from childhood - be tough, don't cry, never show weakness and appearance is everything. If they fail at any of this - well then they are weak.

So they bottle up their emotions. Push them down to the dark recesses of their soul and ignore them. But, over time these emotions build up. Stress triggers health issues, they pull away from loved ones, they work insane hours, and accuse their wives/girlfriends of not loving them anymore. Instead of talking about what they are feeling, they project their emotions onto to those closest to them. The kids get the anger; the wife gets shut out and yelled at. They feel like everyone around them sees exactly what they are hiding and thinks less of them.

They feel isolated and simply, not good enough.

In the US men are four times more likely than women to contemplate suicide.  Many men get so overwhelmed with social problems - being out of work, not making enough money, feeling like they are not a good provider, that it builds up and up and they really have no outlet for what they are feeling. Everyone knows that life can be stressful, overwhelming and completely unfathomable at times. But this is especially true if one does not have a way to get it out of themselves. To talk about it, identify what exactly they are feeling and own their emotions.

Men need to realize that they are human. Men need to realize that it is acceptable to feel sad, overwhelmed and at a loss as to what to do. They need to understand that this does not make them weak. It does not make them any less a man. In fact it shows their strength. Because it takes guts to admit that you are not ok. It takes courage to reach out and say, "I need help.” And it takes balls to do something about it. 

Men also need to realize that they are not alone in this. That at some point in every man’s life feelings of inadequacy and weakness have arisen. That at some point every other man on this planet has been where they are now and there are so many there right now.

They need to realize that the only way they will become a failure, to their families, to their children and most importantly to themselves - is if they continue to do nothing.

Secrets out, men have emotions  We must support them and listen to them, just as we want them to listen to us. We must not belittle their emotions and try to understand them. Which honestly, is more often than not harder then understanding women's emotions.  

Men... Own your life.

You will be better and stronger for it.  Promise.

But do something and never, ever, give up.

In a moment I want you to close your eyes. I want you to silence the world around you and take deep cleansing breaths. I want you to forget for just a moment everything you have waiting. The chores, the life demands, obligations and minutia of your life. I want you to take a trip back to a place in time when you first discovered your dream. Something that triggered such a response in your soul that you knew without any doubt that is what you wanted for your life. A time when you discovered something that intrigue you, fired you up and had you dreaming of the possibilities. Was it the first time in a kitchen when you created something from scratch and knew right then and there you wanted your own restaurant? Was it the moment you taught a lesson to a child and knew that teaching was your calling? Was it back when you were a child and the call you felt to be surrounded by animals, knowing that you were meant to heal and take care of them? Or in the way you always knew just what to do when a friend skinned their knee and you rushed to care for them?

Close your eyes and remember.
Remember for a moment - your dream. 

Now, hold that in your mind. Notice what you are feeling. Pride because you are living it? Sadness because you lost it somewhere along the way? Nostalgia of a time forgotten? Anger because circumstances and life just never went your way? Or maybe remembering made you laugh. I mean who hasn't dreamed of flying into space or joining the circus at some point?

But maybe, just maybe, you are feeling motivated. Motivated to pick up your dream, dust it off and give it a go.

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of being a writer. I would write short stories, poems, articles and notes, every chance I got. I believed in my dream. I felt it in my very soul that writing was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I didn't understand the importance of my dream. I didn't understand what it meant for me. I didn't understand that life and people would try to smash my dream, would belittle it, and would ignore it. When I was young I believed in my dream and I believed in myself. It just seemed natural.

But as the years flew by and I grew up - both life and reality took its toll. I started to believe in the naysayers. I started to question my abilities. Life took over and I found myself further and further away from my dreams. I became a caregiver in my family, the peace keeper and found that year by year that creative spark that had flowed so naturally, diminished. Reality had put a damper on it. Reality at times had completely blown it out and I was left playing the hand that I had been dealt. I thought at the time that I had no choice. No say in the matter. I had life to deal with. My dreams would have to wait. 

Thing is sometimes dreams do have to wait. Sometimes we have to walk our paths and do what we must. Sometimes we have to place our dreams on a shelf and raise our children, work, care for aging parents and make our way in life. But, we must never let their flame go out. We must visit them every chance we can and remember. And one day, we must make the decision to own them. To bring them down and dust them off and make them happen. Or at least try.

Maybe they have evolved since the time when we first had them. Maybe they have grown and matured right alongside us, only we never knew. Maybe just maybe, with a little soul searching and tweaking we can make them into reality.  But first we must get back in touch with them. We must remember our dreams. We must allow ourselves the freedom to dream them, to feel them and to imagine the possibilities. We must silence the fear. We must silence the naysayers and stop finding all the reasons why they couldn't possible come true. You are not too old. You are not unworthy. So what if your life is a mess? So what that you are scared?

You are never too old. You are never unworthy. Life is always messy and being scared is natural. Use your fear to motivate you. Put yourself out there in a way that you never imagined possible and go for it. Release your dreams. Release the feeling of regret and focus instead on the feeling of what if?

Back in 2011, I was just shy of 33 years old. I was beaten down, exhausted and just floating through the days. Life had been hellish, draining and all I wanted to do was hide. I needed to get all the negative out of myself. I sat at my kitchen table one day, drinking coffee and lost. So much bad had happened. I was realizing how much of my life had been spent living for another. How much of my life had been about everyone but me. I was at a crossroads and had no idea which way to turn. My dreams all but forgotten. I reached for a pen without even thinking and started writing. Words flowed from my pen as if it was possessed and I began to remember. I didn't stop to analyze, I didn't over-think it, and I simply let it flow

That day I built a website and added a blog, which in turn inspired a Facebook page. I wrote from a place inside of myself that I had all but forgotten existed.  It was like running into an old friend that you haven't seen in a long time. Only this time I was running into myself. I wrote and published pieces with no end game in sight. No idea what would come of it. But the need to create again, the need to have words flowing was so strong; I knew that I could not deny it.

The naysayers came in full force. Trying to tell me what I could and could not write about. Trying to stop my dreams from going forward. For the first time in my life I fought back and said no. Not this time. This time I fight for my dreams. This time I will see where it goes and I will not let anything or anyone - stop me.

On Friday I published my first book. Never in my life have I felt so validated. Never before have I felt the pride that holding that book in my hands brings. I had forgotten what hope felt like and holding that book, my book, reminded me.

Never let anyone steal your dreams. Never let anyone tell you that you are not good enough. That you are too old, too dumb, and too busy.  Most important of all - stop telling yourself that. Own them. Stop over-thinking and finding all the reasons why you can't and start finding reasons why you can. Your dreams are not silly. Your dreams are not unattainable. Your dreams may have been forgotten but you can remember them. You can reignite them.  

Your dreams are simply waiting. Own them.

After working some serious overtime you finally have enough money saved up to pay off some bills and buy yourself a special treat, only to have your car break down on the way home from work and have it cost you all that you had saved, to get it fixed. Or you are doing so awesome on your diet, getting closer and closer to your goal, only to have such a stressful week, you end up cheating and over-indulging and gain back ten pounds. Or maybe after months of calm in a rocky marriage, something dumb triggers a heated argument, resulting in angry words and hurt feelings.

Two steps forward - 3 steps back.

It almost seems destined doesn't it? You work so hard and get so close to attaining a goal and then BAM! From out of the blue - a setback. You are forced to regroup, rethink and start over again. Sometimes even the most minor setback can feel like a game changer and you are left wondering if it is even worth picking up and continuing on. 

I have been doing physical therapy now for the past month following surgery on my knee. I have been working hard to strengthen it, get my range of motion back and being able to walk without crutches. Everything had been progressing nicely. I was almost back to full strength, I was walking stronger and for longer periods. All in all pleased with my progress. I was tired of being laid up and ready to get on with my life. Places to go, people to see, and things to do. I was excited. Until, at the beginning of what should have been my last week of therapy, I pulled my quad muscle and got knocked back to square one. All of my hard work, struggles and progress, gone.

Did I want to scream? Yes. Did I get angry and frustrated? Damn right.

Did I give up and quit? Well, no.

What I did was get mad. Then I moved on to sad and was plenty frustrated. I was tired of being in pain, tired of being limited on what I could do and so frustrated that I was so close and suddenly, had to start again.

But it got me thinking. 

Set backs are a part of life. Nothing in life is guaranteed and sometimes we lose.  We can bust our ass, give up so many different things in order to attain a certain goal - only to have something break and end up having to take a few steps back to regroup.  It feels like the end of the world. It feels like a slap in the face. It makes us question ourselves and why we are even trying in the first place. For some this is when they throw up their hands and say, "I Quit!' Some let the sadness and defeat weigh heavy on their shoulders, so heavy they can't move forward. While others decided to take a different route and hope for better results.

The key is to keep moving forward. So what you had a setback? It is life. It is not that you didn't try hard enough. It is not that you didn't give it your all. It doesn't make you weak or any less worthy of attaining whatever goal that you are working towards. It simply means that sometimes, shit happens. Eloquent I know, but seriously, it does.

If you let setbacks throw you off your course, if you let setbacks crush your soul and spirit, you will never get to where you deserve to be.  Look for the lesson if there is one. Learn what you can from it. Maybe see a better way of doing things. Then get back up and get back at it. If a stupid mistake caused the setback, shake it off, learn your lesson and get back out there.

Life is going step-by-step. You don't always have to stride, you may take baby steps when you need to, but you must always keep moving forward. Setbacks in life are nothing more than taking 3 steps back, refocusing, regrouping and then moving on.

For moving on is the only way you will reach you goal. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on the damn horse. Start over if you have to but start you must. Eyes forward, shoulders back and get over it any way you can.

You are not a quitter. 

I got a phone call from a friend gushing about this new guy. She had met him at the local coffee shop a few weeks ago. Casual conversation over steaming mugs of coffee had sparked mutual interest in each other. Both were single and while neither was actively looking - both realized that they would like to get to know each other more.  A chance moment had turned into plans to meet again the following day for another round of java and conversing.  She went on about how interesting he was, how his stories had her enthralled and how dashing he was when he smiled. Dimples and all. Not known to be the gushing type - I was slightly amused at my friend. Telling me how much time they had spent together and how excited she was for me to meet him. I was happy for her.

Until I met him. 

While the words that flowed effortlessly from his mouth were golden, his eyes never stopped roving the ladies passing by the front window. Continuously checking his cell phone and texting. Spewing forth words of how awesome and how beautiful my friend was and yet he never actually looked at her when he talked. What I saw and what I heard were two totally different things.  He claimed to have found the perfect woman for him and yet never stopping his constant appraisal of any female that wondered into his view. He blatantly would stare at his phone while she was talking and never once seemed to actually look at her or really focus on her though she was right in front of him. He talked a lot about himself and yet was completely dismissive when she would tell a funny story about her day or a story of something she and I had done in the past. 

His words most definitely did not measure up to his actions.

When I want to get to know someone or I want to know if someone is being honest with me, I listen to their words sure, but mostly, I watch to see what they do. Do they follow through or are their words empty. Do they claim to be a nice person, but yet treat some strangerwho can do nothing for them badly? Do they make empty promises over and over again and never follow through. Kind of like being a child and asking your parents to go to the park, a movie or something you so desperately wanted to do, only to be told - maybe. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week. But the tomorrows and the next weeks came and went and you never made it to that park or that movie.

Words become meaningless if there is no action behind them. It is like the "Yes, Dears" - from a husband to his wife, only he has no idea what he is agreeing to because he is paying attention to the game. It is the "nice guy" who is demeaning and rude to a waitress at dinner or the boyfriend that claims to trust you, yet grills you every time you come home. Empty words, meaningless. 

Hold on tight here, I am going to lay some truth down on you - It's not an easy one either. When someone tells you something over and over again, then never follows through- they are simply placating you. Maybe because they don't want to hurt your feelings, maybe because it is just not important to them - but it is placating. One of my biggest pet peeves honestly. I would much rather someone tell me what they actually think and plan on doing, even if it is not what I was hoping for, then have them tell me what I want to hear and hope that I forget about it going forward. I don't know about you, but I never forget. People show you their true intentions by their actions. Simple as that. If your wife says to you that she will cut back on her drinking and never does. Well, she really never planned to; she just wanted you off her back about it. If your husband swears he loves you and only you, then you find out he is cheating. He really doesn't love you, nor does he respect you.

Friends that claim to always be there for you, as you are for them, but never seem to be around when you actually need them - are not good friends. Believe in their actions. We must all take the blinders off eventually and see things for what they are. Then do something about it or not. Seriously, you can accept empty words and promises from someone you care about. Just know that there will probably be no follow through and your anger or sadness becomes entirely your fault at that point, because you accepted it.  

Actions speak louder than words. For words without action become meaningless. Follow through on promises, do what you say you are going to, be the friend you claim to be. Live with integrity and expect it from those you surround yourself with. Trust your judgment, if you feel like the words being spoken will never be followed through on, you are probably right. If that nice guy you met at the coffee shop has a swivel head watching the ladies or if he doesn't call when he says he will - he probably is just not that into you. If your wife doesn't stop drinking to excess and refuses to get help - there is nothing you can do. You cannot help someone who will not help themselves. If you have a child that tells you that she never has homework - and yet is failing half her classes, maybe you should call the school.

People will show you exactly who they are, by their actions. They will also show you exactly what you mean to them the same way. Believe them. This is reality. Your reality will be however you decide to handle it. If you keep getting angry and hurt, but continue to let it go, well then what does your actions say to them?

Will your words be reflected in your actions?

I stood there staring at the wall that stood about 30 feet in front of me. A big window sits in the center of it offering a view of the woods. I can see the sunlight shining through the budding trees and I want to be in front of that window. I want to feel the warmth of the sunshine on my face and to look out at the trees. But to do this I must first walk to the wall. I glance down at my feet and will them to move. They stubbornly remain firmly planted on the floor and I feel like a toddler learning to walk, afraid to take that first step because I am sure that I will fall down. For a few moments I let my fear paralyze me. My physical therapist stands next to me giving me time and ready to steady me should I stumble. I have to trust her; which for me is easier said than done.  I know I need to take the first step then the next and onward until I reach my goal. My crutches lean against the chair out of reach. I must do this without them. I must find the strength- both physically and mentally to take these first steps.

So many times in our lives we stand at a precipice to some decision we need to make, something we need to let go of or some life lesson we must weave into the fabric of our lives before we can continue on. Sometimes it causes us to lose our footing and stumble. Sometimes it can paralyze us to the point that we second guess ourselves and in turn let fear plant our feet when we should be moving forward.  We may be willing our feet to move but at the same time saying to ourselves "Oh hell no". So we stand there- stuck. Indecision pulled around our shoulders like a cloak we talk ourselves out of what we need to do because we are scared or certain that we are doomed to fail or fall down. We over think everything instead of just doing.

We make excuses. We convince ourselves that our indecision is not fear. We doubt our strength and our abilities. We doubt ourselves. We cling to things that we need to let go of. We talk ourselves out of decisions that need to be made. We second guess ourselves to the point that we end up going around in circles or worse retreating backwards.  We look our goals and our dreams in the face and convince ourselves we are not strong enough or smart enough or deserving enough to attain them.

We become our own worst enemy.

We know that we may need help to get to where we need to be. There are times when our stubbornness and refusal to ask for this help hurts more than our pride. It can hurt our minds and our bodies. To ask for help means that we see ourselves as weak and if you are like me; I would sooner poke myself in the eye then admit I need help. Never showing weakness has served me well throughout my life and I have always handled what life threw at me. Handled it, dealt with it and moved on from it. But as I have gone through this past month not being able to walk, not being able to do much of anything because of my injury I found myself faced with a life lesson I never saw coming.

 Couple of them actually. 

The first one was that in order to make it through this injury- I was going to need help. I was going to have to admit to myself, putting my pride aside; that I couldn't do all of this on my own. The second lesson I have learned is that I must  trust in  the ones that are helping me. And the third lesson that I learned was in order for me to walk again- I must inspire, encourage and be my own best friend. I must still my doubts. I must still the fear of falling and pain. I must dig deep and I must force myself forward. 

There will be times in our lives that we must do something that may hurt emotionally or physically. Moments we will face that will leave scars on our skin or our soul. To me, scars are a sign that though once wounded- you have healed. It will not happen overnight but it will happen.

Asking for help or allowing someone to stand next to you should you stumble is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of true strength. Even the strongest of people have to set their burdens down for awhile. Trust in those that step up to carry it for you and remind yourself that you will pick up and carry on again soon. But for now you will trust in the goodness and the strength of another to get you to where you need to be.

Stop giving up. Stop making excuses. Stop babying yourself and convincing yourself that you are not strong enough or smart enough to do what needs doing. Stop talking yourself out of decisions and learn to follow your gut. Learn to inspire yourself. Put the brakes on over thinking everything and learn to simply do. Simply act. Set your sights on where you need to be, on what you need to do, plan out your steps and then- GO. Trust in your initial decisions, don't over think it, and when it hurts or the pain becomes almost too unbearable- dig a little deeper. Encourage yourself instead of berating yourself. Challenge yourself instead of always walking the safest and straightest route. Be more of you then you ever thought possible and then go further. 

I stood there for a few moments staring at that wall. I stopped myself from thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't take that first step. It could hurt. I could fall. I may not make it to the wall. But then I realized it would hurt me more to not even try. Sure it would probably hurt and I may be a slow as a turtle- but it would hurt me even more to give up. I owed myself encouragement. I owed myself to suck it up and just do it. I may fall, so what. I will get back up. It may hurt, so what. I will heal eventually.  I couldn't force my feet to move- I had to simply allow them the freedom of going forward. 

I squared my shoulders, relaxed my mind, and went on intuition. Those first few steps without the support of my crutches were terrifying and liberating all at the same time. Sure it hurt, but the relief of finally being on my way to healing overpowered the pain. My confidence grew with each step and I made it to that wall. The sun shining through that window could not have felt any sweeter. As it will be with whatever you are facing- trust in those that want to help you.  Inspire yourself to get to where you need to be.

Then as Nike so aptly says, "Just Do It."

The other day I was in my kitchen just finishing up lunch. As I got up from the table to take care of the lunch debris my mind was mulling some things over and I put the milk in the microwave and my leftovers in the cabinet. I would like to say that I noticed my mistake right off. But I can't. Truth be told it wasn't until a few hours later when I went to reheat a cup of coffee that I found the milk.  I can't blame a senior moment- I am only 35. I can't blame it on anything really, so instead I laughed. A real deep belly laugh and continued on with my day. Wasn't the first time and sure as hell won't be the last that I do something so incredibly stupid.  Like for instance making a pot of coffee and forgetting to put the pot underneath so that the coffee goes EVERYWHERE. Or forgetting there is a door to my office when I get up to make my way to the copier and walking into it. The door has only been there forever. Or maybe the time when I forgot to put the cover on my travel mug and poured hot coffee all over the front of myself.

Apparently I am human. Therefore I make mistakes. 

Usually when I have one of my "Jenn Moments", as my husband calls them, it is witnessed by a bunch of people who all ending up laughing- at me. I could berate myself for my missteps; call myself names and beat myself up for being dumb. I could. But I don't. Instead I laugh at myself and shake my head. Swear that I will stop daydreaming and focus more on the mundane tasks I have before me. But I don't. 

We are human. Being human means we make mistakes. We trip over imaginary cracks in a parking lot and fall flat on our face. We miss our mouth when eating and get stains on our shirts. Sometimes we forget things. Sometimes we burn dinner. Sometimes we make “grammer erros” and typos when writing or mix word order up because we are thinking faster then we can type. We sometimes say things out loud that we only meant to keep as thoughts and sometimes we put the milk in the microwave instead of the refrigerator where it belongs.  

Sometimes we make mistakes.

Big ones. Little ones. Funny ones. Oh! No! ones. Mistakes come in all shapes and sizes. There are relationship mistakes. There is morning after mistakes. There is having too many margarita mistakes. The I-should-have-tried-harder-mistakes. There is the blowing your budget mistakes and the fighting with your friend mistakes. The not admitting when you are wrong mistakes. I could go on- but I think you probably get it.

Perfection is a myth. The only perfect thing about us is our perfect ability to make mistakes. We make mistakes that hurt. Sometimes the mistakes we make have some serious repercussions. We make big mistakes that cost us emotionally, mentally, and monetarily. We regret them. We go over and over what we should have done differently, said differently, and how we could have reacted differently. We second guess everything that led up to the mistake and allow the coulda-shoulda-woulda to take over. We berate ourselves for our mistake. Vow to make it right or vow to never do it again. It eats away at us and causes fear. Sometimes we let that fear take over our minds and control our actions. We allow the fear to stop us from trying again because we are convinced we will make another mistake. We fear saying sorry. We fear owning up to our mistake. Often choosing to walk away from the fallout of what we have done because it is easier then admitting our error. We blame others. We find excuses and in turn; fail to see what it taught us. We fail to see beyond the mistake to how it can make us a better person

Failing to own the mistakes we make in itself is a mistake.

Once I walked out of my house and pulled the door closed behind me. It was locked. No one was home and there I stood on my deck, no shoes on, looking into my home knowing that unless I shattered the window- I wasn't getting back in. I was furious. Furious at the door, the lock, and the unfairness of it.  I had things to do and places to go. It wasn't part of the day I had planned. I was angry at everything- but myself. I wanted back inside to something that my mistake had locked me out of. I did not have a secret key or magical power to make the situation go away. I wasn't going to break in. I had to suck it up and walk a mile in my socks to where there was a spare key.

I made the mistake. I had no one to be mad at but myself. But instead of standing there wailing at the injustice of it all. I pulled myself up and did what I had to do to make it right. It was painful- walking a long stretch of road with no shoes on. It was humiliating to have to ask for the spare key because of what I had done. But in doing so I was let back in.

Same thing goes with mistakes in life. We have to own them. Stop making excuses and do what we have to do to make it right. We have to laugh at ourselves. We have to stop being so quick to point out the mistakes that others make and focus only on the ones we make. No one in the life is perfect. No one will ever be perfect. So why do you berate and hate on yourself so much when you make a mistake? Making mistakes means that you are living your life. Your life that is not defined by your mistakes. Your life is defined by how you handle your mistakes. Sometimes the mistakes that we make are disguised opportunities. Opportunities to find ways that work, ways to become better or stronger and opportunities to get it right.

Those that can laugh at themselves will never cease to be amused. Those that can own their mistakes and become better for them- will never cease to be respected. Stop beating yourself up when you make a mistake. Learn from it and let it go. Carry the lessons your mistakes have taught you but leave the mistake itself behind. 

Live and  learn then- let it go. 

Some of my most philosophical conversations have happened driving down the road. Either running errands, heading to some random destination or just out for a drive. If I am lucky there is someone else in the truck with me and I am not just talking to myself. Though to be honest that happens too. I don't know if it is the open road in front of us, the sense of freedom that being in a vehicle can give you or the fact that for at least the time you are moving- you are kinda trapped. 

My husband and I got into a pretty deep conversation the other day driving down the road concerning a comment one of my followers had made on the Random Thoughts Facebook page. This particular comment had stuck with me all morning long and I had been rolling it around in my mind.   The comment said- "One of the hardest things in life is learning to love those that have wronged you. To find a place in your heart for them." The comment went on a bit but it was these lines that had me thinking and questioning some truths that I hold pretty close. If someone hurts me, wrongs me or someone I love- why in the hell would I want space for them in my heart? Why should I have to learn to love them?  I know the whole turn the other cheek thing- but honestly have never bought into it. So driving down the road I asked my husband a simple (or so I thought) question; "Is there anyone in your world that you hate? Really hate. Not strongly dislike or could do without ever seeing again. But someone who has wronged you or hurt you so bad that you can't help but have hate for them?" I explained the comment and how it had me thinking about the roles various people have taken during the course of my lifetime. There have been many angels at one point or another. But there had been a few villains too. 

He thought for a while before answering and as the truck was eating up the miles he finally said; no. There wasn't really anyone he hated- really hated. That there was a handful that he strongly disliked. A few that he would be ok never seeing again. That for the most part if any of them were to come to him and apologize for whatever they did that hurt him; he would probably just let it go.  So I went a bit deeper and asked him if he thought he could find a place in his heart and love for the ones that he "strongly disliked?"  He kinda looked at me a bit and said; "As with anything in life there are limits."

At this point he turned the question back on me and asked me why this particular comment had my thoughts turning. To be honest all morning long I had asked myself the same thing. I think it was because it kick-started a self inventory of where I was at this point in my life. How much I had come to let go, make peace with and move on from? And how much anger and hurt was I still grasping a hold of?

Did I believe that I could come to have love in my heart for those that had wronged me? Did I even want to, need to or have to? Did turning the other cheek make me a better person?

My conclusion- No, I don't and no, it doesn't. 

I spent some time lost in my thoughts before answering him. I thought about the concept of hate. Of how too much can consume and eat away at you. I thought about the very few people that topped my list of "strongly dislike" and what brought them there. I found that, like my husband, if any of the few that made my list were to come to me and talk about what had happened I would probably be apt to let it go and just move on from it. All except for one.

It was "the one" that had me thinking.

I do not have room in my life for hate and for the longest time I really only felt pity for "the one". That because of the miserable life they had created for themselves, they felt the need to tarnish the lives and happiness of others. Even after countless lines and boundaries had been crossed; it still took me a long time to get to the point of openly admitting that I actually hated “the one”. But once that line was crossed I had to be honest with myself. I could find no love, no acceptance for this person. They had caused too much damage, too much destruction and caused too much loss.  I am human after all and my hate is a valid emotion. It is also an emotion that can consume you if you let it. I refuse to let it take over my life. Instead choosing to honor it. Because it is an authentic feeling and deserved of attention- just as love is.

Who honors hate? 

A person who understands that there will be people in our lives that hurt us, bully us and push us beyond limits we didn't even know that we had. But they can only break us if we allow it. If we constantly swallow the anger, the hurt and the negative emotions that these people cause and let them build and build; we are giving them too much room in our heads. We will eventually break and in a rush of built up anger that will serve no purpose. But if we honor the hate we have. Understand it. Make peace with it and grasp that it is a valid emotion; an emotion that we do not need to hide or be ashamed of- we in turn release its power. 

See where I am going with this?

Stop and ask yourself the same question that I asked my husband. "Is there anyone in your world that you hate? Really hate. Not strongly dislike or could do without ever seeing again. But someone who has wronged you or hurt you so bad that you can't help but have hate for them?"  Be honest with yourself. If you are like him and have just a list of "strongly dislikes"- then awesome. But if you are like me and you have your "the one", the time to confront it is now.

But confront it within yourself. Identify all that led up to causing you to feel this way. Spend some time examining everything this person has done to you. When you feel that rush of anger; let it come. Then- Let.It.Go.  You are not a bad person, you are not a negative person and you are not wrong. If in your gut you feel this, then for you it is truth. Honor it. But at the same time, see it for what it is. An emotion that eventually you may or may not let go of. But you will not swallow it any more. Because by letting it out into the light you diminish its power. Make peace with it and then move on from it.

I have let go of so much in the past few years. I have forgiven. I have moved on and I have moved past so many things. I have made peace with the past.  I am proud of how much light I have in my life and how much happier I have become. But I will never be a turn the other cheek kind of woman. I know that. I am ok with that. Simply because I value myself enough to know and value my limits and my boundaries. I call it self-respect.

Respect yourself.

This was a dream I had the other night. I was the woman that walked out into the spotlight and in front of a crowd of people, each with a different expectation of me as I began to walk across the tightrope. Slowly, placing one foot in front of the other I made my way across. Knowing that if I should stumble, second guess myself or bend too far to one side I would fall. And there was nothing below to catch me. 

I woke up thinking about the dream. To me it represented life and the tightrope that we all walk every single day of our lives. I think a conversation I had with a good friend of mine over coffee the other day is what prompted my dream. She was talking about how she knew she needed to take that first step into the unknown as she begins a new chapter in her life. How she can feel everyone she knows watching to see if she falls or succeeds in making her way across. Some of the pressure she is putting on herself but some is from the people in her life. She knows that she has to take that step. That for her foreseeable future she must juggle life on her own, her children, her new job and face some life lessons. All without a safety net. She is scared of falling. 

We have all walked that tightrope of life. Trying to maintain our balance while forces outside of our control push and pull us in different directions. Making us struggle to stay one course and not plummet down. But it is not always outside forces that threaten to knock is off our balanced walk.  Sometimes it is within us.  Another friend of mine suffers from depression. Life is a daily walk across the tightrope. Too far to the left and she will fall into the depths of despair and too far to the right leads to manic over the top behavior.  Both eventually resulting in a sudden crash to earth that can take months to overcome.  She struggles every single day to maintain her balance while living her life. She knows that it is only she that can control whether she stays balanced and that no one can walk that tightrope for her. With each crash and burn teaching her to see what helps to keep her balance and what helps to push her over.

Life is nothing more than a balancing act. And the lack of a safety net is reality. There will be times when you let yourself get out of balance. Focusing too much on the bad so that you get pulled down. Or loading yourself with so many things to juggle that you get weary under the weight of it all and it pulls you over the side. But over time and with experience you can learn ways to balance all that is expected of you.  You can find ways to balance your moods, your responsibilities- your life. The key component though being that you have to take that first step out. You have to still your fear of falling and you have to just get on it. 

Never be afraid of making mistakes. Never be afraid of finding out the wrong way to do or handle things. It wasn't wrong. It was just one step in finding the perfect balance for you and your life. You make adjustments every time you fall. You pay attention to what caused you to become unbalanced and you then take the necessary steps to avoid it in the future. 

Going through life trying to maintain that perfect balance is exhausting. It is so tempting at times to just not. To wallow in sadness and grief. To not pick yourself up because to do so means you may fall again. It cripples your ability to walk without fear of falling if you never even try. Kind of like when a toddler takes first steps. Stand Up. Fall Down. Stand Up and take that first step. Fall down. Each time getting the hang of how to do it. Same thing goes for you and I. We have to figure out all the wrong ways before we find the one that works for us. But if we never take that first step out onto the tightrope- we can never learn what helps us with our balance.

Like the women in my dream; I know at times it feels like the spotlight light is on you. That the crowds-or you friends and family- seem to stare at you expectantly.  You have to tune them out and find your own rhythm. Don't bog yourself down in needless things to juggle. Don't bog yourself down with second guessing yourself. Build your confidence with each step. The tightrope gets easier to navigate if you attack it head on. You will get to the other side. Daily as the case may be.

Be your own safety net. Use your strength and your experience to cushion you when you fall. But use your heart and your mind to get back up again. And your courage to begin anew. Knowing that all the mistakes have only shown you a better way to do it. A more balanced way.

After all life often resembles a circus. Don’t ya think? Some days I think I am stuck in the freak tent myself. But that is a whole ‘nother blog. 

A few years back a friend gave me a bookmark. On it was a picture of an angel and the quote from Kobi Yamada; "Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith and build your wings on the way down". This quote that has stuck with me all these years. Usually popping into my head when I am in the process of talking myself out of doing or starting something that could potentially change my life.

Why are we more often our own worst enemy instead of our own very best friend?

Fear.

Fear of change, happiness, failure or whatever we can conjure up in our minds, which give us an excuse to put the brakes on life's possibilities. If we never take that step then we will never fall flat on our face. We fear the unknown and therefore block ourselves from learning something new before we even get started. We fear letting go of the past and moving on. So we block ourselves and get creative with excuses to justify it. Trying to convince not only the world but ourselves that it is the right decision to not take that leap. 

But it is not just changing that so many are afraid of or trying new things. People fear life itself. They do not trust in it, in their happiness, their abilities or the future. They fear moving on from the past. They fear moving on from love lost, relationships that have ended, their grief or their memories. Simply because moving on from these things will lead them into the great unknown where they could get hurt again and open themselves up to feeling emotions that they long ago sealed off in self preservation. So they draw protective shields around themselves and plant their feet and shroud their life in sadness, grief, anger and frustrations- because these are the only things they trust and believe in.

You become a prisoner of your circumstance. Denying yourself the freedom of releasing it all and taking a leap of faith so that you can move on and be happy. Move on and allow the light back into your life. You say that you can't. That it is too soon or that you could never open yourself up to the chance. The chance of losing again or exposing yourself to the possibility of getting hurt. You allow the darkness of your fear to take over while holding the key to the chains that bind you the whole time. You are not helping yourself. You are not protecting yourself. You are only short changing yourself. 

There is nothing to be gained in hiding behind your fear. There is nothing to be gained but wrapping yourself in guilt and sadness. And everything to be gained in releasing it so that you can take that leap of faith and build your wings on the way down. There is no shame in laughter, no shame in wanting to allow the light back in. There is no shame in saying your peace once and for all to what has hurt you, taken away your life and rendered you a shell of who you once were. By saying good bye to it and making peace once in for all with what has happened to you, you turn that key on the lock to the chains that bind you. You begin releasing your fear and you begin making that turn to the light.

 The light of your tomorrow.

It is scary releasing your sadness and shrugging off your fear and moving forward.  You believe in your sadness and trust in your fear because it feels right. The worst has happened and by not moving on from it, it can't happen again. You hold tight to your feelings of guilt and scoff that you could ever be happy. You have lost so much. It would be a disservice to the one that died. You cringe at the thought of loving again- once burned twice shy. You trust more in the bad that has happened then you ever could in the future of possibilities.

Seriously. Enough.

Your relationship ended. Probably badly and you have more "love" wounds than you care to admit.  Or you lost someone that you loved so much, whose death has rendered your heart empty. You will never smile or feel whole again, you say to yourself.  And you won't if you keep stopping yourself.

Release it. Once and for all.

Allow the light back in to your life. Unlock the chains that bind you and LEAP! Release your fear of the unknown and make room in your heart and your life for happiness. Trust that while bad happens- good does too. Know how I know that? Because when you release the fear- You put good back into to the world by simply being a part of it.


Take that leap of faith and build your wings on the way down. You will fly before you know it.