Feeling Snarky

If you are like me you have had many moments where if you had bitten your tongue any harder to keep the words from falling out of your mouth,
 you would have bitten it clean off. 
~J.V. Manning

Snarky. The Urban Dictionary defines snarky as meaning short tempered or irritable and I find this definition apt for my mood the past couple of weeks. I do not like to write when I feel snarky, as I have a tendency to rant and no one needs to read that. But then I got to thinking, how many times in your life have you felt snarky and for good reasons, only to keep your mouth shut about it so as not to ruffle any feathers?  Probably a lot.  Probably too much. If you are like me you have had many moments where if you had bitten your tongue any harder to keep the words from falling out of your mouth, you would have bitten it clean off.

I am not by nature an irritable - short tempered person. But, I find that there are certain types of people, certain situations and certain things in life that bring the snark out of me whether I want it to come or not. Things that never fail to bring out the snark - people who cannot grasp the concept of responsibility and people who blame everyone else for their misfortunes. I also find that I have no patience for power trips and people who feel that putting others down, making up stories about or disrespecting others, somehow makes them more important than anyone else.  I also tend to get irritable when life has me running in a thousand directions and I can't squeeze in time to write, more so when it is because others are not doing things that they are supposed to and in turn forcing me to handle things that I shouldn't have to. 

But that's life right?

Sadly, yes at times it is. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Doesn't mean I have to keep quiet about it either. Each and every one of us gets snarky and each one of us knows our triggers too. The question is how to handle them.

One of my biggest triggers is when someone will not take responsibility for their own life. The person who spends more time complaining about things, circumstances, their health, finances or whatever, and no time actually doing something about it. The person that blames everything and everyone else for all that is wrong with their life and never stops to think, "Hey maybe if I changed this, worked more, or fixed myself, my life would get better."  What I have learned is that no matter how hard you try, how much you do or support you offer, you cannot help someone who refuses to help themselves. Also, and this is a big thing, if you keep doing, fixing, taking care of everything - they will never do it on their own. Why would they? So simply put - stop. Just like that. Maybe they step up and handle their own life, maybe they find someone else. The point being it will no longer be you. 

Another trigger for me personally is people who constantly put people down, lie about others and try to discredit people they view as a threat. Call them haters, call them doubters, call them bullies or whatever, the hate they spew speaks volumes - not about you, but about themselves. I was talking to a woman the other day who is dealing with a situation with another woman who constantly spreads lies about her. She doesn't even really know this woman but has to deal with the fall out of what she is saying all the time. She was irritated at the fact that nothing would stop this woman. Nothing she did, nothing she said was going to stop this woman from trying to discredit her.  I just looked at her and said; "Is what she is saying true, no. Are you speaking up for yourself when confronted with her lies, also no. Then what you need to do is call her out or make sure the people who matter know the truth, and just let it go." She looked at me kinda funny when I said the last part. But here is the thing - You cannot control the actions of anyone else in this world. You can only be responsible for you. Your reactions to this type of behavior will dictate the quality of your life. Make sure those who need to know the truth about you or a certain situation do and then walk away. These people are not your friend. Even if they were at one point, they aren't once they do this. You don't need them and you don't need their crap in your life. It is entirely up to you, so use your power and deny them the ability to affect you, hurt you or control how you live.

I don't like feeling snarky. This feeling tends to block my writing muse, make me tired, snappy and all around cranky. I don't like feeling cornered either by the actions of others forcing me to either put up or shut up about things that are making me this way. I know that I need to work on patience with certain situations. Patience with myself too, as I often have to learn, relearn and re-relearn that I may not be able to control how certain people act, but I can control how I react to them. I need to learn that if I am constantly running in circles and never seem to have enough time - it is MY personal responsibility to see that I get the time I need.  If that means leaving the dishes in the sink or a messy living room, so be it. 

I am also learning - it is entirely ok to put yourself in a time out. To put everything down for however long you need and walk away to get your head straight. If other people don't understand, well then, that is their problem. If you are feeling overwhelmed, over-tired and just damn plain old snarky - put yourself in a time out. Figure out what is causing you to feel this way and then, do something about it. Remember that it is you that holds the control over your life, stop giving it away to everyone else.

For the record, I have also found that screaming into pillows occasionally helps to relieve some tension, as does going for a drive with the windows down and the music up. But stop bottling it up. It is not healthy, it is not fair and it sure as hell isn't going to solve anything. Get proactive and rid those snarky causing people from your life.

Now, I have dishes to do. Sigh.