Dance with the Angels

I have faced demons and I have conquered. I have entertained the emotional wraiths that have plunged my soul into the darkness, only to learn to dance with the angels back to the light. 
~J.V. Manning

I am not the same woman I as three years ago, seven years ago, fifteen years ago, I have changed and evolved only to change and evolve again, finding with each chapter in my life, a little more about myself that I never knew before. I have broken. I have conquered. I have stumbled. I have found my stride. I have made mistakes - so many mistakes. I have loved and lost. I have watched the flame of life go out when loved ones passed and have seen it rekindled with new life.  I have faced demons and I have conquered. I have entertained the emotional wraiths that have plunged my soul into the darkness, only to learn to dance with the angels back to the light.

I have learned that there is good and there is bad. I understand now, one of the biggest challenges in life - is learning to accept that. I have learned it is a balance and when that balance is out-of-whack, I must do everything to correct it. I have learned avoiding is not the same as healing. I have also learned holding on instead of letting go - can force your soul to be chained to a rock deep inside yourself.

I have learned with healing comes change and change can hurt, I have learned throughout the hurt and I have evolved, and throughout all of these experiences - I have been becoming. I have learned evolving and becoming requires acceptance and that I get hung up on this step way more than I should. I am currently learning one will not flourish if one keeps acceptance at bay. I have also learned exactly how stubborn I can be. (I blame my grandmother for the stubbornness.) 

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I have also discovered you can do the above stages for any number of things in your life at the same time and sometimes not even realize it. I have learned problems can be a lot like nesting boxes. You focus on the big looming one and decide it is time to work it out of your life - so you rip the top off, only to realize, so many other problems of varying degrees of difficulty, lay nestled inside and the big looming one is actually comprised of all the others. It can be overwhelming. You are tempted to put the damn lid back on and bury it in the back of the nearest closet.  But, you listen to that little voice that guides you, and you leave the cover off - knowing it is time to begin your journey.

Release & Heal

At various times throughout life when I was feeling strong I would pull things from the past that I had sequestered to some remote part of my mind and bring it out to the light. I would spend some time holding it in my mind and in my heart, examining it almost like I would a piece of sea glass, turning it over-and-over, holding it up to the light and just letting my emotions flow unchecked. Then, after a while, I would say my peace to it and bid it adieu. I would sweep away any remnants of sadness, anger or feelings of loss, and just like sweeping the floor of my kitchen, I would do a soul cleaning and be done with it. Occasionally, I would pull something forth I was convinced I was almost done making my peace with or making sense of, only to realize I still had some work to do with it, so back in the recesses of my mind I would put it, knowing while this was acceptable for the moment, I must force myself to make an honest assessment of my feelings toward it and be firm with myself not to let it fester too much longer.

I also discovered, with certain things in life, I needed a bit more powerful and cleansing way to find release.  One day, when working through something, I wrote out on a piece of paper everything I could about this particular subject, then when I had it all out of me and onto the paper, I went outside to my fire pit and lit the paper on fire. I watched as all of the words which conveyed what I was holding onto - went up in flames. The release I felt was stunning and felt like cauterization of a wound, which could now heal on its own. Over the years, I have burned photos, letters, and some mementos, and I have to say after each instance - I felt lighter

I am a huge believer in visualization. Sometimes, I will hold the image of a huge group of balloons in my mind - I visualize what I need to release - an emotion, a thought pattern, a memory, and then - I attach it to a balloon and release it to the sky. Releasing whatever it was I was holding onto and feeling the peace as I watched it gently float up-up-and-away towards the sky.  Another way I have discovered that works to dispel anger - is to visualize blowing up a balloon (actually blowing one up works awesome too.) Close your eyes and imagine yourself blowing up a balloon by forcing all the anger out of you with deep, cleansing breaths, once it is all out of your, (sometimes you need more than one balloon,) tie it off and only when you can feel your muscles relax -POP IT!

Whatever you find works best for you, be it tangible or visual, releasing your emotions, releasing yourself from a bad situation, releasing yourself from the power of the past and its hold over you - is the first giant step towards healing. Holding on to something that hurts you, makes you sad or chains you in the past - does not serve you, your heart, soul or mental health, in anyway. Releasing and healing will part the dark storm clouds and allow the light back in - preparing you for changing and evolving and moving on to next chapter of your life.

Change & Evolve

Change is scary. It opens doors to things in life we have yet to discover. Change forces us to look into the depths of our soul and find what needs to come to light and then actually bringing it out to the light. Change means facing fears and conquering them. Change means taking risks and opening ourselves up to hurt and possible failure. We can't wrap life in bubble wrap, and we can’t expect to never get dings and cracks in our souls, because well - life is going to ding you up once in a while. Some people in your life may react differently to the changes you make, they may not understand or accept them. So what? They are not living your life - you are. They are not your responsibility. Changing and evolving your way of life, way of thinking, way of handling or dealing with situations and you will be changing your entire world for the better. The further you evolve, the more you allow yourself to heal, and the more you change - the happier and more content you become. Add it all together and you find a strength you never realized you possessed and an optimism for a future you once thought was impossible. 

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Become & Accept

With release comes healing. With change comes evolving. All leads to becoming and accepting your authentic self. Honoring exactly who you are and being free to pursue who you want to become. Those who chose to release the bindings of the past, freeing themselves from the shadows of their life and allowing the light and happiness to come back in - become an honor to themselves. When we honor all we have accomplished, all the roads we have walked and mountains we have climbed, we begin to understand in our very soul - all of the lessons, the dings and the heartaches, have given us the very foundation we need in which to become exactly who we want to be. We all have our starting points to become exactly who we were meant to be.

You just have to release the shackles holding you into place.

Everything in life has led you to this moment. Feel the power inside your soul to become whoever you want to be and feel the freedom to live authentically. Understand you do not need the world's acceptance of the changes you have made. However, and this is a big one - you have to accept yourself. All of yourself. The parts that still need some work. The parts you are still healing and evolving. None of this will happen over-night. It is a journey. However, during your journey through life and amid all of the changes, learn to accept every single new discovery you make about yourself, hold them close and feel the growing strength radiate from your very core.

Begin an adventure to discover more of your gifts and start to set goals of where you want to be.

The more you release and heal, the more you change and evolve and the more you change and evolve - the more you become. You become happy, content, challenged, and hopeful. You become filled with radiating light and the shadows in your eyes become a distant memory. You become grounded and strong. Self-confident and sure. The powerlessness of yesterday has become the power of today. You become more trusting of yourself and excited about all you know you are capable of becoming.

You accept life will be different from here on out. It will be different, amazing, terrifying and exciting.

Then - You flourish.