Self-confidence isn't found out in the world. Self-confidence isn't found in feeling superior to others. Self-confidence isn't found on a diet plan, getting a fat paycheck or by wearing the right clothes. Self-confidence is when you start seeing YOUR strengths. Self-confidence is created by loving who you are, faults and all.
Self-confidence is born when you stop comparing yourself to others.
Have you ever met someone who was smarter than you? How about someone who was absolutely stunning? You ever deal with someone who you knew had oodles and oodles of money, way more than you ever dreamed of? Have you ever spent time with someone who was super confident? How about with someone who had something you desperately wanted in your life; solid relationship, great family, successful career or all the latest fashions in their closet?
Of course you have. We all have.
The question is: How many times have you held these people accountable for how you feel when you are around them? How many times have you justified in your mind all sorts of horrible thoughts, anger and loathing towards them? They make you feel bad. They make you feel like a loser. They make you feel dowdy, poor and unworthy. They make you feel dumb, broke and ugly. They take away any shred of self-confidence you have and leave you hating yourself even more. They could be gorgeous humanitarians. They could donate money to charity. They could use their confidence to reach out to others, but none of this matters because they take away your confidence simply by being in the same room.
I'm not talking about the actual bullies, those who say awful, mean things to others in order to make themselves look good. I'm talking about the people who just by being themselves, make you hate yourself a little more. The ones who simply by being themselves, illicit your anger. I'm talking about the ones you hold accountable for your insecurities.
We have all done it at one time or another. Of course we have. We are humans and often times humans behave irrationally. However, there are those though who constantly blame others for making them feel bad about themselves, instead of looking inside and owning their reactions as coming from within. There are those who never realize how bad they are sabotaging themselves by allowing someone else's strengths to determine their own worth .
Recently, I had a woman tell me that I was making others feel bad because I was too smart. That my intelligence made others feel less capable and went on to tell me that I needed to do something about it. She also told me I was too confident, strong and powerful and that I needed to figure out how to not make people feel bad. When I asked her for examples, all she could say was that I needed to stop. Stop what exactly? She couldn't say. Who had I offended? Well, she couldn't say that either. She just wanted me to know I was a bad person for making others feel dumb. Though I never actually did anything, never said a mean word or held a flashing sign that said Moron! over anyone's head. I was a bad person in her eyes. The truth of the matter was I hadn't offended anyone - except her.
I'm an inspirational writer for crying out loud! I build people up for a living. I point out all that is good inside of people. I encourage people every single day. Yet, for this woman, I was anything but. I wasn't angry at her attacks on my character, I know who I am and I know how I act - I was simply frustrated.
She disparaged me, my reputation and my character because of her insecurities. She wanted me to dumb down, become meek and unsure of myself - so that she could feel better about herself. She wanted me to sell out myself because she thought it would make her feel better. I wanted to look her in the eye and tell her that this wasn't my responsibility. I didn't. I let her hold onto that her righteous indignation, I let her continue to see me as an awful person. Because I knew her battle was internal. Nothing I was going to say or do would ever change that. Pointing it out wasn't going to help either. I felt sorry for her.
Talk about giving away your personal power. She was basing her own worth on me.
How many times have you held someone else accountable for your insecurities? How many amazing people have you judged harshly because of the way you felt being around them? How many times have you projected onto another person all of the crap you hold inside, blaming them for your anguish?
How many times have you sold YOURSELF out?
The sooner we stop using the lives of others as benchmarks to our own worthiness, the better. We have to stop looking to others to see how we rank. We have to stop looking into the lives of people we know nothing about and comparing ourselves to them. Because in doing so, we set ourselves up for failure. We set up ourselves up to continually feel like crap about ourselves. When we base our feelings about ourselves on the attributes of someone else, we do ourselves such a severe injustice.
How can we possibly feel good about ourselves when we are NOT holding the right people accountable? You and you alone are responsible for everything in your life. The sooner we learn this the better. The sooner we learn this, the happier we shall be. Because it takes the control we have freely given away and brings it back inside ourselves where it belongs.
Self-confidence isn't found out in the world. Self-confidence isn't found in feeling superior to others. Self-confidence isn't found on a diet plan, getting a fat paycheck or by wearing the right clothes. Self-confidence is when you start seeing YOUR strengths. Self-confidence is created by loving who you are, faults and all. Self-confidence is born when you stop comparing yourself to others. Self-confidence is looking back at everything you have accomplished and motivating yourself to do more. Self-confidence is built brick-by-brick from within. Stop being your own worst enemy. Stop holding others responsible. While it is always nice to be noticed for what you do, how you look and your accomplishments understand that not being noticed does not determine your worth. Go out and always be your best. Always do your best. I don't care if anyone ever notices, you will.
Take a good look inside yourself. Who are you holding accountable for your confidence? If you answered anyone other than yourself, reflect on that. Be your own benchmark. Be your own person.
Hold yourself accountable.
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