Sometimes volatile and stormy or covered in a blanket of fog.
But it always finds its calm eventually
There are moments in life when you need to take a step back to gain perspective. Sometimes it takes even more than just a step. Sometimes you need to run away. Away from all the distractions, the memories and the ghosts. Sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone and throw everything into the wind. Sometimes you need to just walk away. Not forever. Just long enough for you to find the silence and the peace you need in order to hear the thoughts inside of your own mind.
I lasted 7 years.
I call it the 7 year chapter. Looking back from where I sit right now it felt like 20 but seems to have gone by in a blink. It wasn't all bad. I met and married my best friend. I became a step mother. I lived and I loved. There was some laughter and good times. But it was also to date--the longest stretch of time in my life. I know each and every one of you know the feeling. When the weight of the world lies squarely on your shoulders. When the pressure mounts and you have no choice but to pick up and carry on. A time in your life when you feel the walls closing in and all you want to do is hide. But you don't. You continue on step by step. Eyes always hopeful for that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Some days taking even the smallest of steps seems impossible.
It is easy at times to develop coping measures. Throwing your self into work. Taking mental escapes into books. Making your self so busy that you are too exhausted at the end of the day to even think about things. You master the art of busy work. Anything not to think. Really think. You zone out watching movies. You listen to music. Anything to stop your thoughts from going to places you really aren't ready to face. For me-- Well I work, I read, I write. I focus on everyone else that is going through a hard time and I help them. I listen. I offer my shoulder and a hand. I cope by taking care of others. Until recently when I realized something. It was time to take care of myself. I had stayed in my comfort zone long enough. I had run from one task to another and I was tired. So tired. No longer could I silence the thoughts in my head. I needed to give them room.
My 7 year chapter culminated this summer when there was a chance my husband would be diagnosed with cancer. For 5 months we went from doctor to doctor. 2 major surgeries and a hurry up and wait mentality. When we finally got the diagnosis that it was not cancer but another less scary issue, the weight of all that I had been carrying was just to much. I didn't break. But found that I could bend a lot more then I realized.
I scheduled some time off from work. I did not read a book, did not write anything and posted very little on the Random Fan Page. My husband and I packed our bags and just took off. No reservations. No clear path. Just away. I wanted peace and quiet and an ocean view. We ended up in Bar Harbor, Maine. Only 3 hours north of where we live but a world away. For 2 days we hiked in Acadia National Forest, we took a cruise around Frenchmen's bay and I let my thoughts go. I sat on our balcony and stared out to the ocean. It was in the early morning hours with the entire coast shrouded in dense fog that I felt something release inside of me. A calm descended in my scattered thoughts, my shoulders relaxed and I just let it all go. All the hurt. All the sadness. All the bad. It not longer deserves a place in my thoughts or my world. I just need the silence to hear it.
When the fog cleared and I could once more see the ocean again, I realized something. Life often mimics the ocean. A constant ebb and flow. High tides and low. Sometimes volatile and stormy or covered in a blanket of fog. But it always finds its calm eventually. Same thing goes for you and I. Life may have its share of storms and hard times. But it is a constant flow. We are not meant to stay safe on the shore and watch it pass us by. We were made to live it. All of it.
At some point our storms will pass and the fog will clear and we will eventually find our calm.