Speak Your Truths

Somewhere along the way I realized that by not living my truths, by not speaking my words, and honoring my soul - was killing me. It was a soul death. I would simply become a shell of who I was supposed to be if I let fear and the need to be accepted control my very existence. 
The only one in life you need to love and accept you - is you.
 Stunning thought isn’t it?
~J.V. Manning

I am jealous of children.

There I said it. No, not for their youth or their joie de vivre, but for their unfettered freedom to speak their truth. To say what they are actually thinking without a care that someone may not like them because of it. They speak their truth using their newfound words and for a time, though not a long time, are completely free to be just as they are.

This freedom is usually short lived. Soon embarrassed parents are apologizing for their child's forthrightness, chastising them for being rude, and telling them to keep their thoughts to themselves. Now, of course teaching children the power of words is crucial in their development, as is teaching them not to purposefully hurt others simply for the sake of hurting them. However, how many children learn the difference between speaking their truths because the words speak to who they are and how they think, feel, see, and believe about themselves and the world around them and not telling the elderly man down the street he smells? Not many. What they do learn is speaking their truth is wrong and slowly, over time, they learn to censor themselves. Children learn their parents do not want to know how they feel because their parents want to tell them how they should feel. They learn not to speak out when they see something in a different way from their parents because it makes their parents angry and then the child is told they are acting out or rebelling and to do so is bad. Soon they stop thinking for themselves and take other’s opinions has having more weight, more merit, than their own.

We all lose our voices at some point or another in our lives, mostly as children, and it can take decades to get it back. For some, they never do, for it is ingrained in their psyche that they must keep others happy, even at the expense of their own happiness. Some never speak their truths for fear of being ridiculed, picked on, or finding themselves standing alone. Many never find their voices because they feel the cost of using them is too great. We are desperate to be loved and accepted, so desperate in fact, we will sell our very soul to ensure we are. Realizing we are not being loved for who we actually are but for the person we pretend to be. Maybe for some, this is an agreeable trade, though in all truth, I can't imagine it really is. We hate ourselves for not honoring our true self but can never seem to find the courage to be exactly as we want to be regardless of the consequences and it weighs on our soul.

However, we convince ourselves we need to belong. So we censor our words and hide our true thoughts because to actually say what we are really thinking! The horror! - What would people think? How would they react? People may not like us.

So, we become people pleasers.

We say "yes" when we really want to say "no" and we do things that don't interest us because everyone else is and we don't want to appear weird. We live every day white lies because we do not want people angry with us. We allow people to stay in our lives who terrorize us with their words and actions. People who belittle us, put us down, and question every single move we make. They tell us they know better and we let them tell us, over-and-over again, because it is easier. We say no to ourselves and yes to others because we feel like we have to. Don't cause waves. Don't make anyone mad. Don't make others hate you. Don't be-think-do-say-feel different from what is acceptable because the acceptance and love we are desperate for - will be withheld. 

How many times have you screamed at someone - in your mind? How many times have you walked away from a conversation chastising yourself for not speaking up? How many times have you wished for the strength to stand up and actually say aloud what you have been thinking? How many times have you disappointed yourself? How many times have you told a lie, and then justified it to yourself somehow?

How many times have you swallowed your words?

My guess, many times. I know I have. I learned very early in life that to speak my truths caused strife within my family. I learned to speak words to placate my mother and words that were sure to not anger my dad. I swallowed the words I wanted to say about my dreams, my wishes, and hopes because I knew they never mattered. I became a people pleaser without even realizing it. I didn't have a choice for it was the cost of love in my world.

The cost was too high. 

It was not until my late twenties when I had a sudden epiphany and realized just how high. I remember looking back at all my missed opportunities. All the missed chances and adventures I never took because I knew what it would mean to my place at home. I knew if I left to pursue my life as a twenty something should - I would be on my own forever. I was not wrong either. I left at thirty because I knew if I did not then, I never would. I used my words for the first time in my life without fear because I refused to pay the price for love and acceptance that should have always been freely given.  I am on my own now, just as I thought. But, that is ok, I have someone I trust completely - myself.

The backlash I experienced for standing up for myself and speaking my truths, was wicked. I withstood it. Somewhere along the way I realized that by not living my truths, by not speaking my words, and honoring my soul - was killing me. It was a soul death. I would simply become a shell of who I was supposed to be if I let fear and the need to be accepted control my very existence.

The only one in life you need to love and accept you - is you.

Stunning thought isn’t it?

I don't care if you view the world differently than the people close to you. I don't care if you’re straight and want to shout it out to the world. I don't care if you are gay. I don’t care if you’re a dreamer or a realist. I don't care if you believe in God, angels, or cupid. I don’t care if you don’t believe in anything. I don’t care if you don’t want to follow in the footsteps of your dad. I don’t care if you want to dye your hair pink. I don’t care if you prefer sneakers to stilettos.

If your truth needs to come out - let it OUT!

You may get backlash. Know what that shows you? It shows who most definitely does not deserve a place in your life because they can’t accept your truth. Yes, that will hurt like hell. But not nearly as much as the pain from living as others want you to and not in honor of who you really are, including your beliefs, dreams, and views. If you do not like how someone treats you – say something. If someone cannot accept who you are – let them go. They do not need to accept you. That is their truth. Accept that about them and allow them to live, as they want. Don’t force them to accept your truths, just as you won’t force them to accept yours. Sometimes you need to cut your losses. Understand and accept it. Make peace with it and then – move on.

Speak your truths. Stand by them.

Stop silencing yourself. Stop living a lie. If you do not want to do something, don't. If you do not want to be friends with someone, don't. If you see something that feels wrong to you, say something. If people can't take it. If people react in unhealthy ways - let them go. Will it be easy? Hell no. Nothing worthwhile in life ever is.

You will never be alone. You will always have you. Even if, at first, you are the only one you have, at least you will know it is authentic.

Honor your truths. Honor your words.

Honor yourself.