Talking to Myself.

I can not do anything to change the past, but I sure as hell do not have to bring it with    
        me to the future. My future will be as I want it. Sure there will be more life lessons 
                            and hard times. But I have kicked ass before and I can again. 
                                                   I won't let anything break me. 
                                                                                                                      ~J.V. Manning


I have conversations with myself all the time. Not out -loud- people- look- at- me -weird - because- I -am- talking -to -myself -conversations; but inside my head conversations.  Often I am  like my own therapist, asking myself  questions and then thinking on them awhile before answering- myself. The talking to myself part stems from thinking to much.  Often wish I could invent an On/Off switch that could be implanted in my head, as I would love to just shut my damn brain off and relax once in awhile.  But until that happens,  I am left with my thoughts and my deep philosophical conversations with myself.  

My thoughts tend to be like a movie montage. Scrolling along until my subconscious reaches up and plucks one down. Mostly what it pulls down for me to focus on is not what I want to be thinking about, but rather something I need to be thinking about. 

Lately as the first anniversary of my mom's death approaches, a lot of the thoughts plucked down have been about her. I tend to self check myself. Meaning, I gauge how I am mentally on a situation or problem I have been faced with or am currently dealing with. If I can convince myself that I am doing well with something, I can put the thoughts back up on a shelf in my mind and move along. If I am not convinced, I will spend some time reflecting and thinking it through.  I tend to be very blunt and upfront with myself. I have to see things as they are. Black and white. I have to face them head on and deal with things as they arise. As I do not want to still be dealing with hard lessons years down the road. I want to face them, deal with them, make peace with them, and then move on.  

On Friday's Random Coffee Talk I asked my Regulars; "What is the BEST advice YOU have ever given yourself?" Two things became quickly apparent-- I am not alone in talking to myself and I have some pretty insightful fans.  As I was reading through all of the pearls of wisdom posted, that subconscious of mine reached up and plucked a thought down for me to look at.  All of the wisdom posted on that thread made me realize-- we are not at all different from one another.  I felt suddenly less alone. As I read the comments I could catch a glimpse of the person behind the advice shared. All had faced life lessons and all had gotten themselves through them.

By spending time talking with ourselves, we are ultimately making peace. Peace within our hearts, our minds, and our souls. We have to pay attention to the thoughts our subconscious randomly brings to our attention. For it is within these thoughts that our greatest fears, sadness and hang ups often live. How much happier and freer could we be if we just let those thoughts flow--and talk ourselves through them. Even the unpleasant-make me want to cry and scream thoughts. Let them come to the surface, face them once and for all- then let them go. Don't let the same toxic thoughts repeat themselves over and over, begging for attention. Exam them. Talk yourself through them. We all have the strength inside of ourselves to face and deal with everything life has to hurl at us. We all have those pearls of wisdom floating around inside. We just need to spend sometimes in conversation with our self to hear them.

"To let things go" and "Always listen to that little voice inside", were two bits of advice that resonated strongly with me. That little voice inside my head often whispers to me, let it go. Just let it go. I can not do anything to change the past, but I sure as hell do not have to bring it with me to the future. My future will be as I want it. Sure there will be more life lessons and hard times. But I have kicked ass before and I can again. I won't let anything break me. As long as I keep talking to myself and facing life head on one thing will always be certain- I got it. Whatever "it" may be. You do to. Remember that. 

© J.V. Manning 10.08.12 - All Rights Reserved