Guest Writer: Doe Zantamata, Author of- Karma Volume I and Love to You
Find Doe on Facebook: Happiness In Your Life
Karma: Law 5, The Law of Mirrors:
If they can see it in you and label it, but you can't see it, it's not in you.
If you can see it in them and label it, but they can't see it, it's not in them.
If you both can see and label it, it's in both of you...good or bad
The Fifth Law of Karma is the Law of Mirrors. It has two distinct parts. Overall, it’s the Law of Personal Responsibility.
The first part of this Law is that:
If we can label a quality in another person, then it means that quality is also within us.
This can be good or bad news!
Think of the people you know, and think of or make a list of the qualities you would say they have. Be honest. This is just an exercise for you.
Some people, you may describe as kind, generous, thoughtful, or others you may say are arrogant, self-centered, or inconsiderate. All of the qualities on your list are also in you. This is at first difficult to believe, as when we’re calling someone arrogant, we certainly don’t think we are, too.
Whatever you believe about someone, they probably also believe about you.
Have you ever been told you were so thoughtful by someone who you believe is very thoughtful? Have you ever been called controlling by someone who you believe is controlling? Or insecure by someone you think is insecure?
In all of those cases, you’re both right.
This isn’t an article intending to insult anyone or make anyone go on the defensive. This is an amazing shift in awareness that allows you to see the truth about yourself, as well as free you from other people’s perceptions that you cannot change. It’s a tool to help you make improvements where necessary, and also see what great qualities you have that you may not even realize.
A mirror will not show your beautiful hair if you do not have beautiful hair. It will not show your large feet if you do not have large feet. It will not show any negative qualities that you yourself do not have, and will not show any positive qualities that you do not have, either.
This Law, when fully understood, also can also really help you understand why some people act the way they do.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone, a person you just met or even an old friend or family member, and you seem to be speaking two different languages? Maybe they suddenly get angry or accuse you of something or insult you, and you’re totally taken off guard and shocked.
This is what happens when two mirrors do not reflect the same things. If they have within them something that you do not have, they see it in you even though it’s just not there.
If you truly do not have it, you do not see it in them, yourself, or anyone else, because it doesn’t exist in you.
When this attack happens, it’s a really jarring experience. You may try to even clarify what you meant by something, but they still can only see what’s being reflected back to them.
You may then ask another friend what they think of what’s happened, in an attempt to try to figure it out for yourself. If that friend immediately says, “Oh, she’s so…” but if that friend recognized it, it means he or she also has that negative quality.
You may still not see it, and say, “I don’t think so…” no matter how certain they are.
Now, if that friend were also really confused as to why the first one blew up, then it means he or she does not have that quality either.
There is a danger in being close to someone who has negative qualities that you do not possess. The danger lies in your taking their blow ups personally and feeling awful as a result. When we’re faced with something confusing like that from someone we love, it really hurts, and we sometimes internalize that pain. You don’t know why they’re so upset or angry, as you cannot see what they see, but you don’t want them to continue to be upset.
What you need to realize is that there is nothing YOU can do to remove that negative quality from them. You can’t even see it. It will be up to them to remove it from themselves. This may or may not happen in their entire lifetime.
If this is something that happens regularly, then you are setting yourself up for verbal abuse as long as you stay close to them. You can choose to put some distance between yourself and them, or if it happens weekly or even daily, you may even consider letting them go from your life.
By staying close to them and continually getting accused of negative qualities in your attempt to help them to not be upset, you may try so hard to understand and see what they are talking about, that you end up picking up some of those qualities. Then you would be able to clearly see those qualities everywhere you go, but it would also unfortunately mean that they’ve developed in you. This is not a good solution, and will decrease your overall happiness, and the happiness of everyone you contact.
Suddenly, you may see negative things in other people that they do not possess, but the qualities have become part of you, so you just see them everywhere.
Anger and confusion are actually your friends here. They indicate when there is a difference in mirrors.
For example, if you are always doing thoughtful things for someone, and they never do a thoughtful thing for you, you may not understand why and get a little angry about it. It means that consideration is just not in them.
If someone gets angry with you and you just don’t understand why, it means that whatever they are angry with you about is not the truth. It’s what they see in the world, so it’s true for them, but it’s just not in you.
Examples of this are:
- when someone is shy but gets accused of being arrogant
- when someone is outgoing but gets accused of being obnoxious
- when someone is kind but gets accused of “only” doing nice things for ulterior or selfish motives
If you can label it, it’s in you. If they can label it, it’s in them. If you both can label it, it’s in both of you, good and bad.
Remember, too, that we’re all walking our own path. While you may be tempted to convince someone that your acts were truly just thoughtful or kind, or you may be really hurt when they accuse you of something negative, you just can’t convince them that your motives were pure. It’s like two people speaking entirely different languages attempting to understand each other, or like a person who has sight getting frustrated with a person who is blind because they cannot see what they see.
Once you learn this Law, it really clarifies a lot of people’s seemingly odd behavior. It suddenly shows that their behavior makes total and perfect sense.
This is an excerpt from the book: Happiness in Your Life - Book One: Karma
Find these books and more by author Doe Zantamata on Amazon.
Guest Writer: Stacey Phillips, Creator of Fresh Minds Matter
There are times in life (sadly for some of us) too often, that we get hurt by the actions and behaviors of others.
'Oh yes I know that only too well' I hear you say.
Well here's the 'Fresh' rub on it: -
Now you are gonna have to really think about this and I mean really!
So let’s say someone you care about has said or done ( or is doing) something that hurt you, that makes you feel wounded inside, you can’t stop going back to it in your mind. The little hurt person inside of you keeps on saying 'why?' . Well first of all let’s look at that, every time you relive it, question it, visit it, you are fueling that hurt, like scratching the scab off and not letting it heal~ ' Yeah I know that, but it can’t stop!' you say. Let me tell you something you can and some of you WILL.
It really is this simple.
You can visit the situation once more but this time we are going to take the adult, grown up with us to visit. If and only if, the adult part of you can HONESTLY and truly say, MY ACTIONS, MY WORDS were and are all out of love, good intent and INTEGRITY then quite simple the others person’s response is SIMPLY THEIR STUFF, their responsibility and their issues. Now I’m not saying this means you cannot take responsibility for your own actions. But truly when you can say I DID NOTHING WRONG, I DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS then the actions causing you pain really do belong to SOMEONE ELSE. So now we can say, hey, their journey their stuff, I can stay or I can go, I can disconnect from any further pain as I KNOW it really is about them NOT ME!!!
We CAN remove those anchors that keep us imbedding the hurt in the little child in us. So feeding him or her it’s time for her to grow up too, to understand that not every action we receive is actually about us! Give that little child in you the power to grow up now! You CAN DO THIS! Your Adult person knows this and just like any child sometimes you just have to keep telling the same thing over and over again and showing them by example the right way to behave. Tell that child, ' Now you know you did nothing wrong, you know you are good and kind and giving and loving, this stuff is about them not you, now forget it and go play with someone else who is fun to be with'
After all most children don’t continue to play with the bullies forever they - they learn to go play with people who are good.
Anchors Away my friends, set them free to play nicely now, let those with troubles, keep their troubles to themselves and MOST OF ALL DON’T GIVE THEM ROOM TO MOVE THEIR TROUBLES INTO YOUR HEAD!!
Visit Stacey at Fresh Minds on Facebook.
“Things don’t change. You change your way of looking, that’s all.”
~ Carlos Casteneda
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
~ Mahatma Ghandi
You can’t control people.
But you can control the environment and you can control yourself.
A few nights ago, over dinner, our youngest son was telling us how his children would turn out and what he would have them do. We said, “Good luck with that!” He replied, “Don’t tell me how to control my children’s lives.” We all laughed but I thought how true it is! We can’t control our children’s lives.
A couple of years ago I was going crazy! Crazy because I wasn’t sure my son was going to graduate from high school. He had a severe case of “senioritis”. He kept telling me, “You’re so pessimistic. Of course I’ll graduate.” He’d been a great student to start with during his high school years. But Junior and Senior year were the worst. With the grades he had in his 2nd semester of Senior Year (including swimming!!), not graduating was a possibility. I was so angry. I was such a nag. I couldn’t sleep at night. Finally, I realized I couldn’t live like this anymore. I couldn’t change him. I couldn’t make him get the grades he needed. So, after doing everything I could, I let go. (And I wrote a book, HOW TO BE A ZEN MAMA, during the nights I was up.)
I finally told him (not meaning it of course!), “Well, that’s ok if you don’t graduate. You can still live at home and attend community college. We’d love to have you!” I let him go, knowing that he needed to decide his own outcome.
That’s about the time he decided to change. He pulled everything together. He did graduate. And he loves college! He’s a junior now, going to Ft. Lewis College in the mountain town of Durango, Colorado. He’s majoring in French and Spanish and he continues to enjoy the music he loves. In fact, he just bought an accordion last summer.
Did he change so much that he had all straight A’s. No. Is he happy? Yes! I think he’s never been happier. I changed my reaction to him. I see him as a musician, a hard worker, and a student of life with great common sense.
“I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.”
~ Harry S. Truman
Here’s what I found out while raising kids:
• You cannot change other people. Humanity has tried to do this through the ages. Girlfriends and wives have tried to change their men. Parents have tried to control their children. It doesn’t work! It never has. There is always some problem when you try to change and control another person.
• You can’t change your children, but you can change the environment you’re bringing them up in. Don’t like the video games your children are playing? Get rid of them. Don’t want your young children touching your special possessions? Pack them away until they are older. Don’t like the junk food they eat? Don’t buy it.
• We can only change ourselves. When we don’t like something, we need to change our reaction to the people we love. They are on their own path. They are individuals. And when you see them as an individual, you can accept them and get along much better. You are also an individual and the adult and you can teach them a lot by transforming yourself!
Five Ways to Transform Yourself Without Changing Your Children:
1. Start by listening – You automatically say, “I respect you” when you listen.
2. Observe – Watch your child, without judgment. Maybe you’re wrong about why he/she needs to change.
3. Let go of expectations – Let go of your expectations and find out what the person in your life wants out of their life.
4. Accept – Accept what the person in your life wants to do with their life.
5. Help – As a parent you are a guide. Help your children get where they need to be to accomplish their dreams (not yours for them).
One last thing… Sometimes people think that if you change yourself you are letting go of responsibility or that you’re giving up. Not at all! You are letting go of your emotional attachment to the outcome and control of a person. Good luck! It’s hard work!!
“Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.”
~ John Maxwell
Visit author Betsy McKee Henry on Facebook: Zen Mama
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