There are times in life (sadly for some of us) too often, that we get hurt by the actions and behaviors of others.

'Oh yes I know that only too well' I hear you say. 
Well here's the 'Fresh' rub on it: -
Now you are gonna have to really think about this and I mean really! 

So let’s say someone you care about has said or done ( or is doing) something that hurt you, that makes you feel wounded inside, you can’t stop going back to it in your mind. The little hurt person inside of you keeps on saying 'why?' . Well first of all let’s look at that, every time you relive it, question it, visit it, you are fueling that hurt, like scratching the scab off and not letting it heal~ ' Yeah I know that, but it can’t stop!' you say. Let me tell you something you can and some of you WILL. 

It really is this simple.

You can visit the situation once more but this time we are going to take the adult, grown up with us to visit. If and only if, the adult part of you can HONESTLY and truly say, MY ACTIONS, MY WORDS were and are all out of love, good intent and INTEGRITY then quite simple the others person’s response is SIMPLY THEIR STUFF, their responsibility and their issues. Now I’m not saying this means you cannot take responsibility for your own actions. But truly when you can say I DID NOTHING WRONG, I DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS then the actions causing you pain really do belong to SOMEONE ELSE. So now we can say, hey, their journey their stuff, I can stay or I can go, I can disconnect from any further pain as I KNOW it really is about them NOT ME!!! 

We CAN remove those anchors that keep us imbedding the hurt in the little child in us. So feeding him or her it’s time for her to grow up too, to understand that not every action we receive is actually about us!  Give that little child in you the power to grow up now! You CAN DO THIS! Your Adult person knows this and just like any child sometimes you just have to keep telling the same thing over and over again and showing them by example the right way to behave. Tell that child, ' Now you know you did nothing wrong, you know you are good and kind and giving and loving, this stuff is about them not you, now forget it and go play with someone else who is fun to be with'

After all most children don’t continue to play with the bullies forever they - they learn to go play with people who are good.

Anchors Away my friends, set them free to play nicely now, let those with troubles, keep their troubles to themselves and MOST OF ALL DON’T GIVE THEM ROOM TO MOVE THEIR TROUBLES INTO YOUR HEAD!! 

Visit Stacey at Fresh Minds on Facebook. 

I am silent.
again.

Why don’t I speak?
Why don’t I share?
Why don’t I express my needs?

A little voice inside
tells me
my needs don’t matter
my cares aren’t valid
my desires are selfish

I should just keep them to myself.

But that’s a lie.

Then
another voice creeps in
This one tells me
others should ask me
about my needs
about my cares
If I am valuable,
they should want to ask

But that is also a lie.

My needs are valid
My cares are important
My opinions do matter

And
when I don’t share
my thoughts and feelings

when I expect others
to just know my desires
to know I am waiting to be asked

While I wait
I give away the power over my life.

And as I wait
for someone else
to determine my path

The lies get louder
The hurt seeps in
Self-doubt
plagues

All because of MY silence.
And I can fix it.

Find more of Christine's work at:
Facebook: Know My Worth
Website: www.knowmyworth.com

“Things don’t change. You change your way of looking, that’s all.”
~ Carlos Casteneda

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” 
~ Mahatma Ghandi


You can’t control people.
But you can control the environment and you can control yourself.

A few nights ago, over dinner, our youngest son was telling us how his children would turn out and what he would have them do. We said, “Good luck with that!” He replied, “Don’t tell me how to control my children’s lives.” We all laughed but I thought how true it is! We can’t control our children’s lives.

A couple of years ago I was going crazy! Crazy because I wasn’t sure my son was going to graduate from high school. He had a severe case of “senioritis”. He kept telling me, “You’re so pessimistic. Of course I’ll graduate.” He’d been a great student to start with during his high school years. But Junior and Senior year were the worst. With the grades he had in his 2nd semester of Senior Year (including swimming!!), not graduating was a possibility. I was so angry. I was such a nag. I couldn’t sleep at night. Finally, I realized I couldn’t live like this anymore. I couldn’t change him. I couldn’t make him get the grades he needed. So, after doing everything I could, I let go. (And I wrote a book, HOW TO BE A ZEN MAMA, during the nights I was up.)

I finally told him (not meaning it of course!), “Well, that’s ok if you don’t graduate. You can still live at home and attend community college. We’d love to have you!” I let him go, knowing that he needed to decide his own outcome.

That’s about the time he decided to change. He pulled everything together. He did graduate. And he loves college! He’s a junior now, going to Ft. Lewis College in the mountain town of Durango, Colorado. He’s majoring in French and Spanish and he continues to enjoy the music he loves. In fact, he just bought an accordion last summer.

Did he change so much that he had all straight A’s. No. Is he happy? Yes! I think he’s never been happier. I changed my reaction to him. I see him as a musician, a hard worker, and a student of life with great common sense.

“I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” 
~ Harry S. Truman

Here’s what I found out while raising kids:

• You cannot change other people. Humanity has tried to do this through the ages. Girlfriends and wives have tried to change their men. Parents have tried to control their children. It doesn’t work! It never has. There is always some problem when you try to change and control another person.

• You can’t change your children, but you can change the environment you’re bringing them up in. Don’t like the video games your children are playing? Get rid of them. Don’t want your young children touching your special possessions? Pack them away until they are older. Don’t like the junk food they eat? Don’t buy it.

• We can only change ourselves. When we don’t like something, we need to change our reaction to the people we love. They are on their own path. They are individuals. And when you see them as an individual, you can accept them and get along much better. You are also an individual and the adult and you can teach them a lot by transforming yourself!

Five Ways to Transform Yourself Without Changing Your Children:

1. Start by listening – You automatically say, “I respect you” when you listen.
2. Observe – Watch your child, without judgment. Maybe you’re wrong about why he/she needs to change.
3. Let go of expectations – Let go of your expectations and find out what the person in your life wants out of their life.
4. Accept – Accept what the person in your life wants to do with their life.
5. Help – As a parent you are a guide. Help your children get where they need to be to accomplish their dreams (not yours for them).

One last thing… Sometimes people think that if you change yourself you are letting go of responsibility or that you’re giving up. Not at all! You are letting go of your emotional attachment to the outcome and control of a person. Good luck! It’s hard work!!

“Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.” 
~ John Maxwell

Visit author Betsy McKee Henry on Facebook:  Zen Mama

So the other day I was sitting on my front steps enjoying a mildly warm end of the afternoon.  I sat gazing at the young couple across the street.  They were out with their little one who is just learning to walk.  They were laughing and playing, their dog barking, the baby taking a few steps and then flopping down on her butt… and then back up again 50x over.  Mom and dad were pointing things out to the baby and encouraging her to touch a leaf, watch the deer nearby, and look up at the sky.

I sat there smiling remembering a time not all that long ago when my own kids were wee ones.  They were 12, 10, and 8 when we moved here, and there was an elderly couple in that very house across the street.  The lady’s name was Emma.  We talked quite a bit and many a day she sat on her own stoop, or stood in the window with the curtain slightly drawn back, watching us play with our children in the front yard.  We were always out there whether it was Frisbee, baseball, football, kick-the-can, freeze tag, or whatever the game of choice was that day.  Filled with giggling, laughter, red, sweaty faces… and the neighborhood kids came to play too.  (In fact one lady down the street thought we had 6 or 7 kids and was shocked to hear only 3 were actually ours).

One day Emma and I were talking by our mailboxes and she said with a smile on her face, “Oh how I love watching the children play, it reminds me of long ago when mine were little.  That was such a long time ago, but I so enjoy watching them now.  You are such good parents – always taking time to enjoy your family.  That’s important.” She began to both smile and tear up as I walked her back to her porch from the end of the driveway.

I realized as I sat this day on my front stoop:  I am now Emma.  I am now the one pulling those memories from the recesses of my mind, memories I have tucked away.  I see them in a different light now all these years later.  Back then I was tired and heard the bickering over everything.  I heard the “I’m hot”, “I’m tired”, “I’m bored”.  I didn’t see it like Emma did from the window with the curtain pulled slightly back.   But now, as I sit watching from across the street, I see my memories as Emma saw them.  I see the good times, I hear the laughter, and I remember days of old differently.  Perhaps in the way I should have seen them in the first place.

I wonder 20 years from now what I will see when I draw back the curtain.

Visit author Sheila Burke on Facebook: BeZensational

By way of introduction, a potted history of my own changing beliefs and views on the Universe. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t believe in God; when I was very little I often dreamed of flying around the skies with God; when I was a young teenager it was my mother’s wish in particular that my brother and I complete a year’s study at our Anglican diocese to be ‘confirmed’ in the Church; my brother and I later served at the altar of our very old, large and beautiful Church; later still my brother became involved with the Baptist Church – never looking back – on a path that also led him to Bible College and a Bachelor of Divinities.

That wasn’t for me though, although I had even briefly contemplated the priesthood as a teenager. At this time also, my mother was dying, and she passed on just after my 20th birthday. I had a desperate need to know where she was, to understand this notion of heaven, and indeed what on earth we were here for. I read thoroughly on all the major Faiths, Buddhism, Judaism, various forms of Protestantism and of Catholicism, less on Hinduism and Islam although I read all of the Koran and the Upanishads and the Bhagavad Gita. And my lengthy reading list included all manner of other texts from “The Tao of Physics” by Fritjof Capra to “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” by Robert Pirsig (still a great read!)

At 22 I came to view that ALL the great Faiths are one – certainly I believed all people were ONE – and I also understood the ‘idea’ of the oneness of all matter, although I’d had no experience of such. Whilst I might have said at the time that there were experiences that gave me great joy, or even bliss – some experiences in nature for instance, or the camaraderie of friends – those were in truth emotions – feelings – and it wasn't until I learned Transcendental Meditation in my mid-twenties that I really and truly “experienced” oneness.

And to briefly wind up this background check, I’ll add the ongoing engagement with people of all the major Faiths and many cultures; a particular involvement with a Chinese-based philosophy and meditation-type practice; and a formal university education that included Religious Studies, Philosophy, Political Science, International Law and International Relations, which I guess I mention since I do think my university education has given me a better brain and one able to look at things from many angles, albeit that a higher education seems often to close many minds to the spiritual.ere to edit.

I want to (try to) explain my view of what God is. Since for me I can only really talk about meditation and oneness by talking about God.

I don’t have the kind of ‘personal’ view of God that perhaps many others have – God is not an old man with a long white bear sitting on a cloud.  Nor does God exist for me only in the person of Jesus, or some other such prophet. Indeed, to imagine God as such is to imagine God as very limited and small indeed – which is also not to say that Christ is small; not by any means.  God is by definition, omnipotent – all powerful, and omnipresent – everywhere. Most of us cannot begin to conceive the size of the Universe – not even the word ‘size’ is useful – but God is bigger than that and indeed underlies all that the Universe is.  And whilst one may also imagine the quantum, the atomic level – in reality we cannot conceive of its smallness, and in its smallness the extraordinary distances between the sub-atomic. This also is God; a squillion, bazillion, katrillion, gertrudian times over… And not even that largeness and smallness is all that God is.

It often bothers me that so many people not only can’t believe in God, but don’t want to, or they prefer to believe in something they call a Higher Power, or Nature, or simply Love.  Mostly I tend to think ‘Poor God’; other times it seems limiting.  Surprisingly I find most people who believe in nothing Divine at all, to frequently be even more vociferous and exclusive in their expounding of it than even the most fundamentalist of religionists,  Usually such folk easily blame religion for so much that’s wrong in the world, missing the point that the current reality of hate and hurt is more the result of the inability to accept difference, than any actual difference is.  Enough about that…

For me, the reality that is God and the Divine (not gender-exclusive either btw, but fully gender-encompassing) is that which underlies all creation, that lies in the space between all things, that is the Creator and animating force of all things, that is intelligent and All-Bountiful, that at its highest humanly-understood manifestation is Pure Love, that can be both beseeched and praised for all that It/He/She/They can and do provide for us all, and that is the Regulator of Divine Justice; or Karma if you prefer.  (btw, I don’t mind referring to God as He for simplicity’s sake; sadly we don’t have a gender-neutral pronoun in English, aside from ‘It’, which always seems just a little derogatory somehow.)

And perhaps I should also say here that I do not believe in a devil, or in hell.  Darkness is not a force – it is merely the absence of, or distance from, the Light.  We experience a living hell when we are far from the Light, and some explanation of this is important.  One of course may be a devout believer but be experiencing a living hell, perhaps via depression, physical illness, circumstances surrounding relationships, finances or life in general.  For some reason, the Judeo-Christian God that most of us have grown up with hasn’t always been so bountiful as I believe God truly is.  We have seen illness and hard times as tests from God, not to mention an abundance of very Judeo-Catholic guilt.  And so we have borne them, often almost with pride!  I do not believe these things come from God at all, and I consider it a massive misunderstanding of God to think this, and so despite one’s devotion it is very much our distance from the Light that causes such darkness.  Our bodies, for example, are a gift – they are loaned to us for this lifetime – and we are duty-bound to take care of them.  Our inability to do so, with proper exercise and diet as two main physical components of care, combined with our addiction to negative emotion of all kinds, leads to disease.  (How to explain then the horrendous illnesses that may afflict the very young and apparently innocent?  That may be for another time, but it is, sadly, explainable.)  When we understand that our physical bodies are indeed our Temple, we can understand that ill-health of all kinds is due entirely to some significant negligence in maintaining our proximity to the Light of God.

I suppose I might add that I do understand that many may consider my non-belief in a devil a convenience for my own sake.  For me, to believe some creature or power exists that can match the power of God does not fit with my belief in God as omnipotent.  And to remove God’s omnipotence is to deny God is God.  And since my view is that God is bigger than we can even begin to imagine, it is entirely impossible for a devil to fit into that view.

And now, I have spent so long on the foundations of Meditation, that I will have to make this Part I, and promise to deliver Part II rapidly on its heels.

Make sure to visit Author Sue Fitzmaurice: 
Facebook: Trying God's Patience 
Twitter:       https://twitter.com/TryGodsPatience
Her Blog:   http://tryinggodspatience.com/