We see ghosts all around us. Only now we call them memories.
                                                                                                                                                               ~J.V. Manning

When we were young we convinced ourselves that monsters resided in our closets. That the Bogey Man laid in wait for us under our beds, waiting to feast on our small bodies as soon as the lights went out. We would fight the nighttime with all we had. Sure that with the coming darkness the haunting and danger would find us. We hurriedly clamored into bed and pulled our magical blankets around us. We snuggled our trusted stuffed animals to keep us safe and with all of our childish might wished the Bogey Man away. For what seemed like hours we would lay there- willing ourselves awake, the smallest sound to us sounded like claws grabbing at the floor under our beds. We were haunted by imaginary monsters and we weren't afraid of who knew.  Over time we learned tricks that kept the monsters at bay - Night lights to cast away the darkness, our magical blankets that kept us safe from harm and leaving a trail of candy corn that lead to our siblings room as they were far tastier than we were.  As we grew older the monsters slowly faded away and for a few short blissful years we were free. 

However the ghosts will find us again in later years. Haunting our minds this time instead of the underside of our beds. The Ghosts of regrets and of time gone by. The Ghosts of words left unsaid and moments gone forever. We are haunted by loved ones lost, the "could have beens", "should have beens" and "if onlys".

We see ghosts all around us. Only now we call them memories. 

The appearance of some ghosts makes us smile and feel warm inside. Driving by that favorite ice cream store that you went to as a child with your grandparents, will bring up the friendly ghosts. Ghosts you don't mind sitting with for awhile. A silvery whisper of the past that crosses your mind leaving a smile at the memory in its wake. But more often than not the older we get the more haunted our minds become. We trap the memories behind locked doors in the shadowy recesses of our minds. But randomly and usually without warning they break free and float to the forefront of our consciousness. Unbidden. Unwanted. Undeniable.  Sometimes frightening and most always bringing the sadness monster in tow. Ghosts of memories of people we will never get back, of moments lost to the sweeping hands of time and the haunting twinge of regret that clogs our throats and sinks into the pit of our stomachs. These ghosts come unbidden and yet most times are unstoppable. It is almost as if the Bogey Man grew tired of laying around under the beds of children and took up residence in the history section of our minds. 

A lesson that I have learned recently is this; these ghosts are as much a part of you as the feelings they bring forth. Sometimes our subconscious sees the need to set them free and it is fine to spend some time with them. Even if their presence brings forth sadness, regrets and the overwhelming feeling of loss- they are your ghosts. They are lessons; they are moments in your life that revisiting once in awhile will help you to eventually come to peace with them. Something I know isn't done over night but eventually can and will happen. Just as when we were younger and chased away the darkness with night lights, the same holds true for the ghosts that haunt us now. We must shine light on them once and awhile. Make peace with them. They are a part of us. If we continually allow them to haunt us and fill our worlds with sadness- we will never truly be happy. We faced the Bogey Man under our beds. We can do the same with the ghosts that haunt our minds. 

The key is to not spend so much time among the ghosts of the past that you forget to live today. Some people when you see them wear the monster of sadness draped around their shoulders like a shawl. Their eyes always have that haunted cast and the air around them is heavy. If you wander through the graveyards of times gone by for to long it becomes almost impossible to leave. You are not at peace with the ghosts that haunt you. You just haven't released them long enough to know what life can be like on the other side.  Visiting with them once and awhile is fine. It helps release their power over you and eventually find peace.  Denying them does you no good either it just increases their power over you and your happiness. 

We all have ghosts that haunt us. They serve to remind us that we have loved, we have lived and sometimes there isn't a happy ending. They reminds us of times gone by and the lessons we have learned. They are the reminders of what we need to focus on in our present and future. Never take a single thing for granted. Free yourself of regret. Focus on things in your now that you can change. They remind us to be better, do better and to love without fail. They show us that while we can never go back and change the past- we sure as hell can change our future. The ghosts haunt us to help us find peace.  It is up to us to get there. 

                                          I am going to let you in on a little secret here- 
                    Some people in this world are not going to like you. They are not 
                       going to accept you nor will they hide it. If you get through life 
                          without making any enemies-- you are doing something 
                                    wrong. I know it goes against everything you have 
                                                    ever been told. But it is true.   
                                                                                      ~J.V. Manning


It is almost Halloween. The time of year when we can put on a costume and become anything we desire-- fierce and scary, seductive and sexy, strong and challenging, or angelic and sweet.  It is the time of year where we can pretend if even for  just for one day to be something we are not. 

Or is it? 

We tend to wear masks every day of our lives.  Our masks only reveal what we want a particular person to see.  One version of ourselves to our bosses- another to our children and yet another to our lovers. We will wear a completely different mask when out running errands and still another when visiting family or friends. We mold our selves fit into the expectations of others. Doesn't that make every day Halloween and the actual holiday- the one day we can show ourselves as we are? 

If we continue to go through our lives wearing a multitude of faces and being a multitude of different versions of ourselves;  how can we then remember exactly who we really are? This isn't a male/female thing either-- we all do it, everyday. What amazes me is that we all do not suffer from multiple personality disorder.  We are one person at home and a different version at work.  We are moms and dads, and at the same time, husbands and wives. It is like we must splinter ourselves into different shapes in order to be who everyone else needs us to be.   How do we meld all of them into one? Is it even possible?

How do we even remember who we are exactly?

By allowing ourselves to change into something we are not for someone else, we allow their expectations to dictate who we are in that moment.  Often we find ourselves in need of  acceptance from them in order to validate who we are or our place in this world.  Rarely do we go through an entire day- being exactly as we are. We censor our words, our thoughts and our actions in order to gain approval.   I have a good friend that owns a adult novelty company. By night she is a sexy vixen teaching women about their sexuality. By day she is a mother, a wife and a player in the community. She is involved in every aspect of the lives of her children and their activities. However because she refuses to mold into an accepted "norm" and behave as a handful of people think she should- she has to defend herself constantly. She volunteers hours and hours of time every week to school and sporting events.  But because she refuses to wear a mask to appease others- they scorn her and then try to turn her away. I applaud her. 

Because as long as we seek the approval of others and allow them to dictate who we need to be-- we will never live true to ourselves.  We will continually silence our voice, our thoughts, our very being -- in order to gain another's approval. 

At what sacrifice?  

If we  morph ourselves into something less then a true version of our self we run the risk of losing our own unique identity. And in the process, we never give the people in our lives a chance to see us-- the real us. Free of all masks, all pretending and variations of our inner truths.  The harsh truth of the matter is this; if you are so busy pretending to be something other than the true version of you-- the people in your life will continually expect that version.  You will eventually lose your essence. Be who you are every minute of every day. Put the masks away and be yourself. 
 
I will let you in on a little secret here- some people in this world are not going to like you. They are not going to accept you nor will they hide it. If you get through life without making any enemies you are doing something wrong.  I know it goes against everything you have ever been told- but it is true. Some people are just not going to like you. Shrug your shoulders, brush it off and move along. Because for every one of them there will be 10 that love you--The real you. 

 Always be you. 

I can not do anything to change the past, but I sure as hell do not have to bring it with    
        me to the future. My future will be as I want it. Sure there will be more life lessons 
                            and hard times. But I have kicked ass before and I can again. 
                                                   I won't let anything break me. 
                                                                                                                      ~J.V. Manning


I have conversations with myself all the time. Not out -loud- people- look- at- me -weird - because- I -am- talking -to -myself -conversations; but inside my head conversations.  Often I am  like my own therapist, asking myself  questions and then thinking on them awhile before answering- myself. The talking to myself part stems from thinking to much.  Often wish I could invent an On/Off switch that could be implanted in my head, as I would love to just shut my damn brain off and relax once in awhile.  But until that happens,  I am left with my thoughts and my deep philosophical conversations with myself.  

My thoughts tend to be like a movie montage. Scrolling along until my subconscious reaches up and plucks one down. Mostly what it pulls down for me to focus on is not what I want to be thinking about, but rather something I need to be thinking about. 

Lately as the first anniversary of my mom's death approaches, a lot of the thoughts plucked down have been about her. I tend to self check myself. Meaning, I gauge how I am mentally on a situation or problem I have been faced with or am currently dealing with. If I can convince myself that I am doing well with something, I can put the thoughts back up on a shelf in my mind and move along. If I am not convinced, I will spend some time reflecting and thinking it through.  I tend to be very blunt and upfront with myself. I have to see things as they are. Black and white. I have to face them head on and deal with things as they arise. As I do not want to still be dealing with hard lessons years down the road. I want to face them, deal with them, make peace with them, and then move on.  

On Friday's Random Coffee Talk I asked my Regulars; "What is the BEST advice YOU have ever given yourself?" Two things became quickly apparent-- I am not alone in talking to myself and I have some pretty insightful fans.  As I was reading through all of the pearls of wisdom posted, that subconscious of mine reached up and plucked a thought down for me to look at.  All of the wisdom posted on that thread made me realize-- we are not at all different from one another.  I felt suddenly less alone. As I read the comments I could catch a glimpse of the person behind the advice shared. All had faced life lessons and all had gotten themselves through them.

By spending time talking with ourselves, we are ultimately making peace. Peace within our hearts, our minds, and our souls. We have to pay attention to the thoughts our subconscious randomly brings to our attention. For it is within these thoughts that our greatest fears, sadness and hang ups often live. How much happier and freer could we be if we just let those thoughts flow--and talk ourselves through them. Even the unpleasant-make me want to cry and scream thoughts. Let them come to the surface, face them once and for all- then let them go. Don't let the same toxic thoughts repeat themselves over and over, begging for attention. Exam them. Talk yourself through them. We all have the strength inside of ourselves to face and deal with everything life has to hurl at us. We all have those pearls of wisdom floating around inside. We just need to spend sometimes in conversation with our self to hear them.

"To let things go" and "Always listen to that little voice inside", were two bits of advice that resonated strongly with me. That little voice inside my head often whispers to me, let it go. Just let it go. I can not do anything to change the past, but I sure as hell do not have to bring it with me to the future. My future will be as I want it. Sure there will be more life lessons and hard times. But I have kicked ass before and I can again. I won't let anything break me. As long as I keep talking to myself and facing life head on one thing will always be certain- I got it. Whatever "it" may be. You do to. Remember that.