I would shrug my shoulders, but the weight of the world rests there
                                         and I am afraid it would cause a catastrophe.
                                                                                                                                 ~J.Manning
Do you ever feel like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and that one wrong move will tip the balancing act and all come crashing down. Do you sometimes wish you could set the weight down and rest a bit or let someone else carry it for awhile? But you continue on, in hopes that with each step, the load will lessen a bit. In reality though, it never really seems to lessen, in fact more and more seems to get added to it, until you are not sure if you can even stand, let alone walk with it any more. But somehow you do, you find the strength you need, from some part of you that even you didn't know existed until you needed it. It amazes me the strength that one can find even when so exhausted, so stressed that it seems impossible to continue on. But you do, really what other option is there? Give up? Not in my world. 

Sometimes in life, we get bogged down, we get tired. So many things seem to come at once and we have to shoulder it. Shoulder it, work through it and try not to collapse. Sometimes it is hard to see an end in sight,  so heavy the load. At some point enough has to be enough, right? There has to be a stretch of time where everything magically goes right, everything fits into place and the world revolves without us having to do anything, but be.  As I sit here writing this, in a few stolen moments in my day, I sigh. Just the thought of a stretch of time, with no stress, no drama, nothing to handle, deal with or get through, makes me smile. Well smile and shake my head knowing a day dream when I see it. Or maybe not. Maybe there is a way, to once in a while, set the load down, catch your breathe and just be. There has to be a way to get life to leave you alone for awhile, to decompress, to put your own head and thoughts in order. There has to, because how else can you help everyone else, if you can't help yourself? If you are so drained, so emotionally exhausted, so stressed, how are you supposed to keep putting that aside, day after day to handle everything for everyone else? You do, months on end, even years until that one day that suddenly arrives when you just can't shoulder that load any more. You have to put it down for awhile, or else it will crush you. It is not weakness, it is the epitome of true strength. 

We all have got to realize that we are human. We may climb the mountains, we may move them out of our way, we may play the hero, but we are human. We cannot be expected to handle everything all of the time without some break. We have got to learn, teach ourselves, to set the load down once and awhile and focus on ourselves. We have got to hold a hand up and say stop. Stop the drama, stop the stress, stop going around in circles about problems that really just never get solved and move on. Life is too short. If we don't look up once in awhile we will miss it, we will miss it while we are fixing everything and anything, but ourselves. 

I wish for you strength to continue on, and the knowledge that while it is hard now, over time you will lose that weight on your shoulders and be free. Just remember, you are strong enough, smart enough, tough enough. And know, that setting that load down for awhile, to catch your breath, is not weakness. It is a sign that you value yourself enough to rest for awhile. It is a sign of true strength. The world will not shift off its axis, the sky will not come falling down, I promise.     It will be there to pick back up when you are ready, but only when you are ready. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Pieces will eventually fall into place and your hard work, your perseverance will pay off. You will be free and you will be ready to take on the world. 

Deep Breath, you got this. 

“The thing about life is that you must survive. Life is going to be difficult, and dreadful 
      things will happen. What you do is move along, get on with it, and be tough. Not in
                the sense of being mean to others, but being tough with yourself and
                                    making a deadly effort not to be defeated.” 
                                                                                                                                     ~Katharine Hepburn

Regardless of whatever you are facing in your life right now, regardless of how hard, how desperate, how awful it may feel, you have to face it. You have to deal with it, head on, and not give it any more space in your world.  You have to make changes, you have to face your demons, you have to stop avoiding, you have to see things as they really are, and then do something about it. Over and over lately I keep hearing people say, "I'm not strong enough" or "If I just ignore it, it will go away" or "I am scared to be alone".  Or the one that makes me cringe the most "I give up". It makes me crazy when a otherwise intelligent person, decides that they are not worth fighting for and just accepts whatever life throws at them.  They will go to bat for everyone else, but themselves.  Seriously people, the only person in the world that will ever stand up for you, go to bat for you, is YOU! If you sell yourself out, you don't plant your feet and square your shoulders and say Bring it on!! and handle your business, who will?  Own your life, your world and realize that you are worth fighting for.

Growing up with a bi-polar mother, this was hard for me to grasp when I was younger. It was easier to take the blame, shoulder all responsibility for anything and everything that had gone on, real or imagined. I would go to bat for everyone else, stand up and fight for every underdog I could find. But what I would never do, is fight for myself. I was tough alright, hard as nails on the outside. But I absorbed every body blow that life threw at me, I took it and allowed it to happen, because it was easier. Easier. Yeah, easier for everyone else. Not so much for me. Took me a long time to realize that. Honestly what I realized lately, is that I stand up for me when its not family or people I care about. How weird and back ass wards is that? If some guy is rude to me out in public, or some random person tries to take advantage of me, I handle them. Right in their place they go. However, if its family, then I take it and take it. Never do I correct their misconceptions, or tell them they are wrong. Well, I do now... most of the time. I am still working on it.  But for the longest time, I thought surviving was walking away from all the bad. But then I realized, that sometimes in simply walking away and not handling it, didn't stop anything. That you have to speak up for yourself, you have to toughen up and do what is right for yourself. You have to stop giving up on the one person in this world that should never give up on you, yourself. 

So what if your heart is broken, so what if you afraid, so what if you fear changes... Hearts heal, courage is found and when you face what you fear the most, you adapt. You toughen yourself up and you handle what needs to be handled. There is no giving up, there is no, "I'm not strong enough" there is no ignoring it or taking it because that's easier. Sometimes you have to make a mess, you have to shake things up and sometimes you just have to grab life by the balls and say, I am worth more, I am strong and I will get to where I need to be, because I want to and I will make it happen. Feel that strength start in your belly, feel it grow and learn to trust yourself. 

What you don't do is quit, ever. You survive, you dig deeper than you ever have before, you will find every ounce of strength and courage you will ever need, not in some book, or in anyone else, you will find it within yourself. You do what you have to do, and you do it for yourself. Take that pride and take that sense of accomplishment and use it to build a new foundation on, use your strength, your heart and your survival and make the changes, fight your battles and never, ever give up. Life will come along and deal you some nasty blows from time to time, it will knock you down and hold you there if you let it.  Its ok to take some time to get your bearings, catch your breath, but then, come out swinging.

Never accept defeat. Never accept things will can't change and never ever accept that this is the way life should be. Be the force in your own world and handle your business. 

You all have it in you, you just have to dig a little and find your tough. 

                              “Don't get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.” 
                                                                                                               ~ Dolly Parton


You wake up in the morning, you get out of bed, begrudgingly most days. You shower, grab some coffee and head out to work. Day in and day out, same routine. It is comfortable and completely uneventful. You find for awhile, you like that. Get up, go to work, come home, watch tv, go to sleep and get up and do it all over again.  Days blend to weeks, weeks to months and on to years. All of a sudden one day you look back and wonder where all the time has gone. What have you really accomplished? What have you done worth mentioning? What fun did you have, lives did you touch, things did you do? By focusing all of your time and attention on work, did you forget your life? "I gave at the office" doesn't mean your whole world. Focusing all of our efforts on our responsibilities and not on the things that make this life worth living, is a completely backwards way of living. If all of your energy is being spent at work, all of your being and efforts going into a job, where does that leave your life? 

Each one of us has infinite value, and each one of us has the ability to make a profound difference in the lives of our family and friends, simply by being there, being a part of their worlds. Just by being who we are, we impact those around us. By the nature of our lives, our humor, our love and by the example we set.  Not by how busy we are, how important we are, or how important and demanding our jobs are. Our example, our value to the ones in our lives, is us.  Getting caught up in a rut of work all day and expend minimal effort to anything else, is not the path to happiness. Focusing one's whole life and time on responsibilities, without taking time for what is truly important in life, abandons all hope of happiness and fulfillment. When I die, I want my tombstone to read, "Inspired others" rather than, "Never missed a day at the office"

Work is important, I get that. But what it shouldn't be is all encompassing. It should not be the reason you wake up in the morning and why you go to bed at night. It is not your identity. It should not dictate your life and those lives of the ones you love all of the time. It is a necessary part of life, but it is not your life.  Getting so caught up in the day to day, busy making a life, you forget, to actually live that life. You stay so busy working, it is comfortable and controllable, there are procedures in place for everything. Not like life, where there are no guarantees, no play book. In life you have to wing it sometimes and while that can be scary at times, it is also thrilling. 

Life is what you make it, always has been, always will be. If you were to stop right here and honestly look at your life, what would you see? If you see things that you want to change, then by all means, change them. You have the power to do with your life whatever you want.  It is just making that effort to follow through. Stop talking, start doing. Stop being a observer in your life and be a participant. This life is the only one we get, make it count. 

Self-respect cannot be hunted.  It cannot be purchased.  It is never for sale.  It cannot be fabricated out of public relations.  It comes to us when we are alone, in quiet moments,  
        in quiet places, when we suddenly realize that, knowing the good, we have done it; 
            knowing the beautiful, we have served it; knowing the truth we have spoken it.       
                                                                                                                         ~Whitney Griswold 


Do you like yourself? Honestly. A simple question really, but one that so many have a hard time answering. Honestly answering. Usually its a quick, well of course, followed by a just as quick disclaimer. If I were this, had this, did that, than I would. Leading one to hear more self doubt, than self respect. I asked some readers awhile back a simple question and the answers were all over the place. I asked, "If you were to meet yourself on the street, would you like you?"  Some said no, probably not. Some said at first, than they would probably annoy themselves and others replied with a resounding Yes! I would. I am not sure what my initial reaction would be honestly if I were to meet myself for the first time, but I know, I would like me, I would like me enough to get to know myself better and even maybe, be friends with myself. After of course picking apart my own flaws, I am human after all. What I do know without question is that I would respect me. 

If there is something about me that I don't particularly like, I change it.  Simple as that. If I do not like a side of myself that being around certain people bring out, I stop hanging around those people. If I am constantly reacting to a situation that I have some control over, I try and take steps to fix it.  I have enough self knowledge to know what I am ok with and what I am not ok with, and I have no problem voicing this to someone who disrespects it.  Whether or not it continues is up to them, whether or not I allow it, is completely up to me.  If at the end of the day in one of those quiet moments I can look back on what I did, what I said, positions I took and battles I may have fought, and know that I did it in accordance with my belief systems, my conscience and followed my heart to do what was right, what was just and what was good, then I count it as a good day. If I looked back and see situations that I could have handled better, could have walked away from and didn't, and I am not proud of myself in those moments, I make mental note to do better, see what I could have done differently and then move on from it.  Mentally beating yourself up is useless, making mental notes on how to do better is fantastic. 

You can not buy self respect, you can not discover self respect, you CREATE self respect. It is entirely up to you. If you don't like something, change it. Yes it can be hard, yes it can be a battle and yes you may have to hurt someone's feelings. But if it means being able to look yourself in the eye, to become stronger and stand up for yourself, than do it. Never allow anyone to shadow your self respect. Value you more than that. Be someone you would want to hang out with, laugh with and cherish.  Take those negative thoughts you have, examine them, learn from them, and move on from them. Look at the people in your life, examine them, learn from them and see if they deserve a place in your future. Respect yourself to know what you need, do not look to anyone else for that. 

L.M Montgomery said it best in her novel Anne of Green Gables;               
“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”  

Start your tomorrow clean and make it one that you can look back on, and realize that, knowing the good, we have done it;knowing the beautiful, we have served it; knowing the truth we have spoken it.    

               Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions.
                     You may have a heart of gold - but so does a hard-boiled egg.
                                                                                         ~Author Unknown 

I have spent more time lately paying less attention to what people say and watching more of what they do. The phrase "Actions speak louder than words" coming from a writer may seem a little off, but my action is in my writing, so I am covered, (well at least in my mind). But it is a phrase that I have been thinking about a lot lately. People talk a lot, act very little. They speak of what they want to do, see, experience, but never seem to actually take a single step in the direction of making it reality. It seems sometimes the more they repeat the words, over and over again, the more they actually feel like they have accomplished the actual act. Somebody who says over and over again that they wish they had more time to relax and kick back, never seem to find it, people who want to go out and do good, help someone less fortunate, never get beyond the initial thought. People spend more time dreaming about things, than actually doing them or taking steps to make them happen.  Quite frankly, it is a sad reality. 

I mean, I know that we can't do everything at once, but we can do something. Words become meaningless after constant repetition and no follow through. It is like telling your daughter that you will find the time to take her to a movie or out for just you time, and never following through on it. In actuality, words without action are broken promises. Broken promises to yourself, to your family, to anyone who believes in you. If you are constantly saying one thing over and over and doing the complete opposite, after awhile your words become empty.  After awhile, the people who look to you will stop, they will stop believing. Life is to short for empty words, you must feel the power of the words to motivate yourself to actual DO the words. 


Words are powerful, statements are powerful.  Ironically, making a statement with words is the least effective method. Making a statement, than following through with action, be it taking the time for someone who loves you, pursuing the dream you have had over and over, taking that first step and building the path from your words to your destination, that is powerful. That has meaning. You don't have to do everything all at once, but you have to do, something. Anything to prove that your words are not empty, that you are not just saying them to say them. That you actual believe in them as well. Your actions show the power to your words, as much as your inaction does.  Maya Angelou once said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."  You make people feel by the things that you do, the lengths that you will go, not only for yourself, but for others. It doesn't even have to be some grandiose thing, its the little things that matter in the day to day of our lives. The older I get the less I listen to peoples words and more I look to their actions. If someone is constantly saying one thing and doing another, or not following through on anything,  I tend to spend less and less time on them. Life is to short and I want people in my life that mean what they say and say what they mean, then do it. Not just say pretty words that lack any substance because there is no action behind them.

 We often will have to remind ourselves, we are worth more than empty words. And we will learn to see the same in ourselves. Our actions and reactions define who we are and where we are going.You are either moving forward or standing still, and while standing still at times is OK, if it is a constant pose, repetitive in itself, then I think its time we all stop and reexamine ourselves, then do something to make it right. 

What do your actions say about you?

                                          If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton,
                                                      you may as well make it dance. 
                                                                            ~George Bernard Shaw 


Every family had a closet somewhere filled with skeletons, right? Those things that everyone knows, but no one talks about. Past mistakes, bad choices, lies that had been told in a moment and then carried on throughout the years.  Each skeleton representing something, someone doesn't want to come out. Years can go by and one never thinks about them, brief memories may flash inside their minds and they shudder thinking about what would happen should one of the skeletons get loose. Life goes on, it spins away from that point in time when a decision was made to hide a truth, and before one knows it, that lie or bad decision has become the very foundation of which the family has been built upon.  Over the years,  skeletons may get added to that closet, things families just don't talk about, things that no one wants to see the light of day. Things that could damage or destroy the very fabric of a family.  If no one talks about it, it never happened. Normally it is something so far in the past, the children of the family know nothing about it, the elders forget and life goes on.  But there is something to these skeletons,something in the closet that makes them very restless.  As the old saying goes, the truth has a habit of coming out, usually when you least expect it.

What gets to me is the ripple effect of one of these skeletons. One lie begets another and then another is needed to cover the first two, and now after a few years, the skeleton gets buried further back in the closet and new ones are piled on top. Until that point in the future when the restlessness gets to the skeleton, or someone slips or discovers something, and all the family can do it watch that damn skeleton come dancing right out of the closet.  Because it is what happens in that moment, that defines the future of the family.  Some will continue to tell stories, some will anger, some will feel ashamed. Some can have the foundations of their lives crack and destroyed as they realize that everything they ever held true, was in fact, not even close.  Where do you go from there? 

When I was 21 my mother informed me that the man I thought was my father, was in fact, not. At the time, she claimed she had no idea who my father was, and that was all she would say on the matter. It was kind of a "Hey, here's what I did, and now you know and nope, don't want to talk about it any more".  As much as I tried to get my feet back underneath me, I was rocked.  Who wouldn't be right? All of a sudden a skeleton that had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with her, had now become my skeleton to deal with. She felt resolved, she felt better, so I inherited it. Lovely. It took over 10 years for her to give me any further information, but finally, a name.  Took me about 15 minutes on the internet and I found him, pictures of him and frankly there was no doubt, he was my father. The resemblance was amazing.  He also lived 20 minutes away from me, for my entire life. Needless to say, I reached out, we made contact and holy hell, guess what, not only did I now have the answers I needed, I also all of of a sudden had 5 brothers and sisters.  Talk about a skeleton, this one came out, dancing, singing and in my face. Thing is though, I am not a fan of skeletons, not a fan of white lies people tell each other. Families should be based on truths, the good, the bad and the ugly. That is what makes family.  If at any point in time, something occurred, that one does not feel sheds the most flattering light upon them, then take control of the situation at the time it happens and then do something about it, right then. Don't wait 30 years for something to come out and let those most effected by the mistake pick up the pieces. 

I have met a couple of my father's kids, I met a sister yesterday. It was pretty amazing, to meet a complete stranger who oddly enough, is so much like you its scary. It is definitely a new adventure,  and nice to know that every once and a while,something good can come from one of these dancing skeletons. 

    Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day  
    challenges are the keys to stress management, which is perhaps the most important    
                           ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life.
                                                                                                                                                                ~Marilu Henner


Stress management. I would like to find the person who coined this phrase-sit them down and explain Life to them. That is Life with a capitol "L". I know that I am supposed to manage stress, that I am not SUPPOSED to let stress manage me. Butt I live in reality and sometimes reality is really just too much.  Days for example where if I bite my tongue any harder, I am apt to bite it off. Days when the filter between my brain and my mouth is on the verge of disintegrating and I may just speak out loud the words I have been holding back or fighting back which is usually the case. Days that are spent handling and doing and making decisions and facing problems and issues that all seem to happen at the same damn time, regardless if I want them or not. Sound familiar?  Like right now I have a bunch of little annoyances that need attention, little on their own but when put together a big mess. There is a list of things a mile long that I need to do.  A couple of major life things that I need to face and take care of. Appointments to schedule, meetings to attend to and work 45 hours a week at the same time. 


 Ever feel like holding your hands up and yelling "Stop the Ride...I Wanna Get OFF!!" 

Ever have one of those days where you keep looking to  the sky to see if it is a full Moon?  When you look around you and wonder- is it you or has the whole world gone crazy? Even the most laid back take life as it comes people, have days like this. I love the quote "I try to take life one day at a time, but they all seem to attack at once".  Sometimes life can get so overwhelming, so stressful- that you really don't even know where to start. You feel so completely boxed in that your muscles clench, your blood pressure goes up and it takes the simplest thing to push you right to the edge.  So what do you do or not do?  There are some people I know that just shut down and refuse to deal with it. Some drink, some exercise, some yell into pillow and shake their fist at the sky. While a temporary relief maybe, none of these really solve anything. 


So how do you manage your stress? 

A few tricks I have learned- Don't sweat the small stuff. Pick your battles wisely. Not everything is worth fighting for. Take deep breathes. Count to 10. Think before you speak. Walk away. Make a list. Set YOUR priorities. Stay true to yourself. Breathe.  One thing at a time. Trust yourself and your instincts. Ask for help. (I am so not good at this but I try) If it's a problem that you have had for years, just be done with it. Face it, deal with it and move on. Don't let fear hold you back. Face what needs to be faced. Find your voice and handle it. Know that its ok to set the stress down for awhile. To take a break to get your strength back. Then get back up and handle your business. 

Remind yourself this:  Many of the greatest achievements in the world were accomplished by the tired and discouraged who kept on. Live. Love. Dream. Make it happen. Don't give up. 

             It is my belief that we all have the need to feel special. It is this need
                          that can bring out the best in us, yet the worst in us. 
                                                                                                      ~Janet Jackson

I was having coffee with a friend the other day, our coffee talk is pretty amazing. It runs the gamut from kids, to work, to gossip, to deep and personal. From shared experiences, life, stress and what we are going to cook for dinner. Mainly, we talk about life and the craziness of it. We talk about being exhausted and how hard it is to juggle all of our responsibilities, be what people expect us to be, handle everything and then some, all while attempting to keep a smile on our faces.  More like, forget the smile, I would be happy with not having bags under my eyes on a daily basis. The other day it was one of those conversations were all we did was bitch about everything we had to do, keep track of, handle, juggle, decide on and make time for. Our stolen time for coffee was a break in reality that for a little more than an hour we both cherished. We get each other, she understands what it is like to try and be 15 different people in the course of a day and how that after awhile, it gets so old, you just want to throw your hands up and say, "the hell with it, I quit." Only you can't quit, cause you don't have the time for it. 

After she left, I ran some errands and all the while I was thinking. It appears that more often than not, we all spend so much time taking care of everyone else, from work, to family, social commitments, kids, school, sports etc. that we probably by the end of the day, forget that we are actually first and foremost, a person too. We cook, we clean, we pay bills, we plan play dates and outings, manage schedules, parties and carpooling. We work full time, which is more roles that we play, more things to handle and deadlines to meet and bosses to make happy. By the time we get home and plan dinner and actually cook it, we want to fall sleep at the table. But things need to be done and it appears, that 9 times out of 10 it is up to us to make sure they get done. 

Have you ever noticed, how know one seems to notice exactly how much you do in the course of a day. Well, they don't notice until you stop doing it, and then it is like the world comes crashing to a halt. Do you ever wish your damn Fair Godmother would show up and wave a wand and make you a queen for the day? Hell forget a whole day, even for a couple of hours. A span of time where its all about you? I mean you, as in who you really are, not you wearing one of the many hats you don every day, not the you who takes care of everything and everyone, but just simply, you. Do you even remember who that person is? Don't you wish that someone would take the load you carry, set it down and take care of you? Sigh, I can just imagine you reading this right now and shaking your head and saying, "yeah right, as if."  More often than not, it comes down to you, to treat yourself. And, if that is the case we all know where on your list that is, right at the bottom. Who has the energy? How many of you just wish, someone else would make you feel special, do something just for you, not for anyone else but you? It is not being selfish, it is being human. 

I would worry more about it, but I am too tired. I think I need to find that Fairy Godmother of mine and tell her she is fired.  Maybe I can find a new one at Walmart, one that grocery shops or something. Yeah I know, fairy tales don't actually every come true. But a girl can dream, can't she?

                                Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, 
                                      if one only remembers to turn on the light.
                                                                                              ~Steven Klove 

Have you ever sat alone with yourself, lost in your thoughts, feeling completely and utterly, alone?  Feeling like no one in the world will understand what you are going through, what you have gone through, what you are facing? Do you feel the darkness creep in, fogging your brain, and making you want to lay down and sleep forever? Do you find that you wish  someone would reach out and take this burden from your shoulders, as you are just to weary to carry it any longer? Do you sit in a group of friends and feel like no one understands your pain, your grief, your sadness? How could they understand everything you have been through, how could anyone? You walk through crowds, surrounded by strangers, and feel like you are apart from all of them. That their lives and their happiness is some how unobtainable for you. You feel envy and jealous when you glance into the lives of others, you want what they have. Do you ever stop and realize, that just maybe, they are looking at you and thinking the same thing? 

1 out of every 10 Americans suffer from clinical depression. Depression can be triggered by any number of factors in one's life; chronic illness, death of a loved one, abuse, divorce, job loss..the list goes on. The big thing to remember with this, is, you are not alone.  You are not alone in your suffering, in your history, in your sadness. Thought it feels like it, feels like there is this huge gulf between you and the people you love. You don't want to talk to your family, your friends, for fear that they will never understand, never see it, will blame you and tell you to just get over it. You would, in a heartbeat, but you find that you can't. Your world becomes so shrouded in the gray, that even the sun seems to have lost its shine. You retreat further and further into yourself, you withdraw. Friends and family see it, see you retreating but say nothing. Depression has become, "the elephant in the room"  Out of fear, out of weakness, out of lack of understanding, the elephant or issue remains where it is, and all that refuse to talk about it or see it for what it is, gingerly tiptoe around it. You feel even more cut off from the world. How can anyone understand what you are feeling when you really don't understand it yourself.  You decide to let it go, you don't reach out for help, you don't call your doctor, your therapist, your family. You leave that elephant in the corner of the room and hope one day it disappears, but it never does.  As the days and weeks wear on, you get tired, more tired than you ever thought imaginable. You just want it to end, you want to sleep forever. You think of how much better the world would be without you, no one would even notice. You just want the pain to be over, you want happiness, but you just know somehow that its not for you to have. 

It is in the darkest moment, that one must turn on the light. Cast the shadows back into the corners of your mind, and find a way out. You have to want to get better, to feel happiness, you have to fight for it. And know that you are not alone in your fight, there are so many out there that face the same battle as you. A strong person is one who asks for help when they need it. There is no shame in asking for help, no shame in talking about what you are experiencing and the struggle you have been in. The only shame to be had, is NOT asking for help. You may not see it now, but you are so important to people that love you and to strangers you have yet to meet. You are worth fighting for, always. Remember that, hold it close to you, and repeat it over and over, You are worth fighting for. Your life, your presence matter and you are not alone. 

Reach out. Ask for help and fight. If you find yourself completely lost, and you feel like there is no where to turn, call this helpline,  1-800-273-8255(TALK).

Just never give up, and remember that sometimes in tragedy, you find your life's purpose, the eye sheds a tear in order to find its focus.