One Mistake After Another

Will you make mistakes in 2014? Of course. 
Here's hoping not the same ones as you have in the past. New mistakes are lessons yet to be learned. New mistakes are life's way of bench-marking your progress so you can see how far you have come.
~J.V. Manning

I have made mistakes. So very many mistakes. The path I have left behind me on my journey through life is littered with them. Pieces and fragments of things I should have done the right way and didn't. Debris of words left unspoken and scattered pieces of lost chances and missteps. My life is a culmination of my successes- yes, but, even more so, a culmination of the mistakes I have made. The successes gave me confidence. The mistakes - the mistakes gave me truth. The mistakes gave me lessons and those lessons made me stronger.

I left words unspoken, which in hindsight, should have been yelled out loud. I let too much time lapse between visits with friends. I have allowed inner wounds to fester for too long without attention. I have walked away and let fear guide my steps to imagined safety, when in truth, it was simply the easier thing to do. I have mistakenly trusted those I shouldn't have and not trusted some I should.

So many mistakes.

As the end of the year fast approaches I feel a sense of nostalgia settle into my soul . I always tend to do a “Life of Jenn” review at the conclusion of every year. I review choices and decisions made. Spend time reflecting on the new friends I have encountered and old friends who have made their way back. Scenes of the past year flash through my mind at odd intervals, like a video montage. I laugh, I cringe, I want to yell at certain memories and warn myself in others.

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Hindsight.

I find I spend more time reviewing the mistakes than I do the successes - not to beat myself up over them, but to fully embrace the lessons. To absorb all I learned into my soul and life. Some of them, ok most, do not bring forth warm and fuzzy feelings. Some bring sadness, while others - anger. Some make me shake my head at some of the less than intelligent things I did, like not taking care of a knee injury for two months, which led to surgery and being laid up for twice as long.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned this year... I have to take better care of myself. Both physically AND mentally. I need to fully understand taking time and giving care to oneself is not a luxury but a necessity.  It is not selfish. It is not bad. It is reality. I can't help others if I allow myself to be broken, exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't give what I don't have and if I don't take time and care of myself - I will have nothing to give. This realization honestly, was hard for me to grasp. Worrying about myself always seemed so wrong, so selfish. I have learned - it is not.

I have learned it is a mistake to remain silent and expect things to change. Speaking my words and calmly stating what it is I need or want and what I will not tolerate - is a right not a privilege. I have learned while it is admirable and an honor to speak up for others, I am doing an injustice to myself when I do not do the same for me.  I have also learned I cannot expect things to be different or change if I remain silent. Silence can be seen as agreement and it is on me, and only me, to use my words. 

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One of the biggest mistakes I have made this year - thinking people should change because I felt it was the right thing for them to do. Their actions and life choices, while at times affecting me, where really none of my business. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't make people behave in an acceptable fashion. What I can do - change the way I react to it. I do not have to get caught up in their drama or allow myself to be affected in any way. I have learned through this mistake the power of releasing negativity from my life, negativity which should never have been there in the first place.

I have learned holding onto sadness and regret hurts my heart in ways I never imagined. I learned how big of a mistake it really is to focus on what could-have-been, might-have-been or the infamous, if onlys. I have learned denying my emotions is just as bad. I can say over-and-over again I am doing ok with losing my mom and grandmother - but saying it doesn't make it the truth - I have to actually feel it. Learning to release my emotions out to the universe has been one of the most challenging to date - it has also been one of the most rewarding.

I have learned with real growth in life there is sometimes real growing pains. Letting go of certain situations or behaviors which have no place in my future, walking away from certain people and letting go of that which no longer serves my now or future, can and usually does - hurt. I have seen what a mistake it has been constantly second guessing myself in certain situations and learned the hard way - listening to my instinct is always the best course of action.  I have learned nothing is forever and it is a mistake to believe there is enough time for all the "some other days," I have uttered. 

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Learning to trust the good in my life and the successes, is something I have failed at so many times. I have worked so hard to get to where I am today and I need to appreciate all of the good, which I do - but - and this is a big but - I have to trust in it. I feel some days when everything seems to be so positive and exciting and happiness is in my heart, I always seem to have one eye cocked looking for the bad to invade again. I have to stop this mistake. I have to live fully in the present moment. I have to learn and fully accept that I deserve the good. I have to learn to stop expecting anything less. Will bad happen? Of course. Will it break me when it does? Not a chance. I just have to stop looking for it and allow the peace I have worked so hard for - flow through every nook and cranny of my world.

As you walk through the last few days of 2013 and review all the good and bad you encountered, remember to keep looking forward. Identify what should stay in 2013 and what needs to be brought forth into the New Year. A year fresh and clean, without any mistakes or missteps, a brand new beginning, just waiting for you and all you can bring to it. Make it yours! Own this New Year and dare to dream, dare to explore and dare to take those first steps you keep talking yourself out of. 

2014 is your year! It is the year of new beginnings and exciting possibilities! But, only if you decide it is time to participate and not remain a spectator any longer. 

Will you make mistakes in 2014? Of course. Here's hoping not the same ones as you have in the past. New mistakes are lessons yet to be learned. New mistakes are life's way of bench-marking your progress so you can see how far you have come. Mistakes make the successes and triumphs that much sweeter and make you - smarter, wiser and stronger.

Here is to the New Year! 

May we make new mistakes and learn new lessons and may these mistakes lead us in the directions of our dreams. May we find the inner power to release that which no longer serves us and open our hearts and minds to the power inside of us just waiting to be released. We are so going to rock this year. I can feel it. 

Dare to Dream!! 

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