Sticks and Stones.

One of the hardest lessons in life is knowing when to walk away. 
To cut the ties that bind us to people we love. But love should never hurt. 
Love should never leave you feeling empty and alone and worthless.
 Value yourself enough to know this and know that you can walk away. 
You can silence the voices and move on. 
~J.V. Manning

Hurtful words will echo in your mind long after the voice that speaks them is silent. Like a record with a scratch repeating the words over and over, so do the words that cut us greater than any knife could. Even if the words are spoken in anger or as an off the cuff remark you feel them. You hear them and you worry them over in your mind until there comes a point that you start to believe them.  If they came from someone you love, you respect and you cherish, well more often than not you incorporate them into your very being. As the ones that love us never wish to hurt us, right?  But what if in the moment these words were spoken that is the very thing they wanted most?

Sometimes the people we love will say or doing something that hurts our feelings. That breaks our hearts and makes us second guess everything we believe about ourselves, for it is only those closest to us that hold that power. They hold that power though not by simply being family, spouse or friend. They hold that power because we give it to them.  We give it to them with the belief that they will always use it to build us up when we stumble, build our confidence when it shakes and to always reaffirm that we are in fact loved and cherished. And sometimes that is exactly what they do.  But sometimes the one we love will take that power so freely entrusted to them and use it not to build you up but instead use it to bring you down. 

A childhood friend of mine had a father that would constantly berate her. Tell her she was worthless and would amount to nothing. That she was fat and ugly and no man would ever want her. She strove for excellence in everything she did to prove her worth. She won awards, she got amazing grades and she was a warm and caring person.  She was a daughter to be proud of. Except he never was. And over the years his hurtful words and actions broke her. She stopped caring. She believed everything he ever told her. Things no parent should ever say to their child. She carried his words all through her life. She formed friendships but always kept them at arm length. She rarely dated and felt completely unworthy of attention. She was never good enough she believed, because her father had said so.  Until one day she decided to take her power back.

She took away his power to hurt her by simply walking away from him.

One of the hardest things in life is to know when it is time to walk away. We all have different thresholds to what we will tolerate from those closest to us. Family, spouses or friends are a part of our lives because we want them there. But what do you do when someone you care about hurts you over and over again? How many chances do you give someone until you throw your hands up and say no more? Personally I have mastered the art of walking away. Part of me is proud of the fact that I will not tolerate being hurt repeatedly, lied to or disrespected over and over by any one. Another part of me wonders if maybe I walk away too easily. It is the age old battle of mind versus heart in these matters and it is a battle all of us face at one time or another.

When is enough- enough? 

I am all for second chances in most cases. We all make mistakes. But if someone you care about hurts you over and over again chances are it is not by mistake. Like the saying goes, "Fool me once shame on you.  Fool me twice shame on me". We shouldn't continually sacrifice ourselves for anybody, yet we do. Over and over again. We tolerate being hurt by the very people that should never hurt us. Parents, spouses, family members or friends should not get a pass just because of who they are.

Words have the power to hurt you only as long as you allow it. I don't care if you share DNA with the one that spoke them or not. You do not need anyone to validate you except for the one person that knows you better than anyone- yourself. Take your power back from those that use it to hurt you and use it instead to fuel you on. Never let anyone make you second guess something you know in your heart is true.  

Trust and Value Yourself. 

One of the hardest lessons in life is knowing when to walk away. To cut the ties that bind us to people we love. But love should never hurt. Love should never leave you feeling empty and alone and worthless. Value yourself enough to know this and know that you can walk away. You can silence the voices and move on. You are worth it. 

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