One of the hardest lessons in life is knowing when to walk away. To cut the ties that bind us to people we love. But love should never hurt. Love should never leave you feeling empty and alone and worthless. Value yourself enough to know this and know that you can walk away. You can silence the voices and move on. ~J.V. Manning Hurtful words will echo in your mind long after the voice that speaks them is silent. Like a record with a scratch repeating the words over and over, so do the words that cut us greater than any knife could. Even if the words are spoken in anger or as an off the cuff remark you feel them. You hear them and you worry them over in your mind until there comes a point that you start to believe them. If they came from someone you love, you respect and you cherish, well more often than not you incorporate them into your very being. As the ones that love us never wish to hurt us, right? But what if in the moment these words were spoken that is the very thing they wanted most? Sometimes the people we love will say or doing something that hurts our feelings. That breaks our hearts and makes us second guess everything we believe about ourselves, for it is only those closest to us that hold that power. They hold that power though not by simply being family, spouse or friend. They hold that power because we give it to them. We give it to them with the belief that they will always use it to build us up when we stumble, build our confidence when it shakes and to always reaffirm that we are in fact loved and cherished. And sometimes that is exactly what they do. But sometimes the one we love will take that power so freely entrusted to them and use it not to build you up but instead use it to bring you down. A childhood friend of mine had a father that would constantly berate her. Tell her she was worthless and would amount to nothing. That she was fat and ugly and no man would ever want her. She strove for excellence in everything she did to prove her worth. She won awards, she got amazing grades and she was a warm and caring person. She was a daughter to be proud of. Except he never was. And over the years his hurtful words and actions broke her. She stopped caring. She believed everything he ever told her. Things no parent should ever say to their child. She carried his words all through her life. She formed friendships but always kept them at arm length. She rarely dated and felt completely unworthy of attention. She was never good enough she believed, because her father had said so. Until one day she decided to take her power back. She took away his power to hurt her by simply walking away from him. One of the hardest things in life is to know when it is time to walk away. We all have different thresholds to what we will tolerate from those closest to us. Family, spouses or friends are a part of our lives because we want them there. But what do you do when someone you care about hurts you over and over again? How many chances do you give someone until you throw your hands up and say no more? Personally I have mastered the art of walking away. Part of me is proud of the fact that I will not tolerate being hurt repeatedly, lied to or disrespected over and over by any one. Another part of me wonders if maybe I walk away too easily. It is the age old battle of mind versus heart in these matters and it is a battle all of us face at one time or another. When is enough- enough? I am all for second chances in most cases. We all make mistakes. But if someone you care about hurts you over and over again chances are it is not by mistake. Like the saying goes, "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me". We shouldn't continually sacrifice ourselves for anybody, yet we do. Over and over again. We tolerate being hurt by the very people that should never hurt us. Parents, spouses, family members or friends should not get a pass just because of who they are. Words have the power to hurt you only as long as you allow it. I don't care if you share DNA with the one that spoke them or not. You do not need anyone to validate you except for the one person that knows you better than anyone- yourself. Take your power back from those that use it to hurt you and use it instead to fuel you on. Never let anyone make you second guess something you know in your heart is true. Trust and Value Yourself. One of the hardest lessons in life is knowing when to walk away. To cut the ties that bind us to people we love. But love should never hurt. Love should never leave you feeling empty and alone and worthless. Value yourself enough to know this and know that you can walk away. You can silence the voices and move on. You are worth it.
26 Comments
terry
1/30/2013 11:18:03 am
Once again you have hit the nail on the head, not for me personally but I know so many people who deal with this issue. I'm certain that this will be another very popular blog. Congratulations!
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Random Jenn
1/30/2013 12:24:21 pm
Thank you Terry. You are so sweet to say this ♥
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Cindy
1/30/2013 12:20:46 pm
Thank you Jenn
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Random Jenn
1/30/2013 12:25:12 pm
Cindy you are more than welcome. Thank you so much for the blessing and reading. Hugs to you ~Jenn
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Dandre
1/30/2013 03:06:41 pm
These are words I needed to hear. Thank you.
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Random Jenn
1/31/2013 12:22:30 pm
I am so happy that this resonated with you. I wish for you strength. Thank you ~Jenn
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Jo
1/30/2013 03:51:00 pm
I'm surprised she didn't walk away sooner.
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Random Jenn
1/31/2013 12:23:31 pm
She believed him. She loved him. Doesn't surprise me as much as it saddens me. ♥ ~Jenn
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carla
1/30/2013 09:24:21 pm
cutting the strings where they can pull you around with... very well said. The only thing I miss here is the forgiving part. You let them go but you will at some point have to forgive them. You need to do this for yourSELF, so you can let go of the negative experiance
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Random Jenn
1/31/2013 12:24:42 pm
There is a lot of truth to the forgiving part. But I think it comes with time and is the last big final step in the healing process. Thank you for such wonderful insight. ~Jenn
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Kristia
1/30/2013 09:44:06 pm
Thank you! I recently closed the door on a 9yr relationship. I feel so much lighter and do not regret my choice.
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Random Jenn
1/31/2013 12:26:02 pm
Onward AND upward. Go out and make the world your own! I am always sad when something ends. But excited about new adventures. Have a fantastic adventure Kristia. ~Jenn
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1/31/2013 09:34:51 am
I have had to deal with this and your blog resonated ever fiber of my being. I wrote something very close to your message here:
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Random Jenn
1/31/2013 12:28:10 pm
I am sorry that you faced this. I know what it is like and how hard it is to break that bond. Thanks for commenting and sharing that link. I will check it out, ~Jenn
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Eva
1/31/2013 10:00:45 am
I love your blog! It is so true! I will keep on reading it. Your great! :)
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Random Jenn
1/31/2013 12:28:47 pm
Thank you Eva!!! ~Jenn
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Sylvia
1/31/2013 04:40:56 pm
I've been there, Jenn, and although I finally walked away, I then shut down my heart for many years. Now, it's open again and so very very vulnerable that I find myself overreacting, and lacking a sense of proportion. All I can say to you and anyone else who reads this is please don't wait to start over. Don't hide and don't wall up your heart. You're not healing; you're hiding. Only an open heart can know true joy. Life is too short to let anyone continue to affect you, even after you have left and think it's over. Life is too sweet to let a moment pass without savoring it.
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Random Jenn
2/2/2013 11:15:03 am
I am guilty of the hiding out. At times though I think it is a good thing to do. Gives you time to get your bearings and heal your soul. But one has to be careful not to make it a habit.
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Sarah
5/26/2013 11:05:18 am
This is beautiful and to the succinct. I do not usually post to blogs but it has to be said...this made my day.
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Dee Tudor
5/28/2013 08:58:07 pm
Thank you, think finding this was a angel sent blessing!
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Terri
8/19/2013 12:09:36 pm
finally taking my power back...thank you for this article..nice read and so true!
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Bianca
8/19/2013 03:41:41 pm
This is a very good read. Thank you for sharing. But I must say, I do want to walk away and just leave...but at the moment, I am stuck in a situation wherein, I don't even know whThis is a very good read. Thank you for sharing. But I must say, I do want to walk away and just leave...but at the moment, I am stuck in a situation wherein, I don't even know where to begin...how do I start walking away? How do I start breaking the ties? It pains me so much but I'd like to be guided .. For my peace of mind and heart :'(
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Dee smith
8/19/2013 04:31:01 pm
There is a lot of pain in our world, but one with a broken heart, you can see, or you think they can see. It takes years to heal, Had one before in my youth, perhaps more than one. It can hurt when you breath, and memories bring pain, and you see in a dim light.. Don't think I'll ever be the same, and will take to my grave. Wish things were different, will reread and reread again. thank you friend
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Martha Hulse
8/26/2013 11:55:46 pm
I just found out about your blog, At 6:30 am. And so far i'm loving it . Thank God for people like you. Namaste
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Leslie Hansen
11/18/2013 04:55:15 am
Jenn, I just discovered your blog and wanted to tell you that you're message says it all for me. I experienced "bullying" in the form of words that were weapons my grandparents used to emotionally cut me into pieces. The abuse began when I was 7 years old and for decades I allowed their opinion of me color how I saw myself and the decisions I made regarding jobs, friendships, relationships, my marriage....everything. I'm 57 now and am only now beginning to release myself from my self-imposed ties that have bound me to people who decided the day they met me that I wasn't worthy of respect or love because I was the daughter of a divorced woman their son married. The hurt from emotional abuse can last a lifetime and it is up to us, the ones who allowed the pain to continue, to love and respect ourselves enough to break the chains that confine our hearts and souls. Everyone is worthy. Everyone matters. Blessings to you, Jenn, with deep gratitude. <3
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Random Jenn
11/18/2013 07:03:38 am
Break those chains Leslie!! BREAK THEM :) For you deserve an inner peace, inner love and freedom for your heart and your soul. You matter so much and the world needs you. Forget them. Give their words and abuse no more power - build the voice inside your soul that tells you the wonderfulness that is you. Believe in that voice. For that voice is your soul begging to be free.
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