As the dawn of the new year approaches the time to figure out
what to bring with you and what to leave behind- is now.
For as long as I can remember I have always found myself saying goodbye to the current year on December 31st in my own special way. It has varied year to year depending on what I have had to face and what the year was like for me. One year on December 31st I burned an entire box of love letters from a relationship that had ended a few months before. Another year I lit a candle for all of the loved ones I lost and replayed a memory in my mind of them before blowing out the flame. Some years I have written in my journal and other years I have flashed a "Year in Review" montage in my mind. Whatever I have done served one purpose- to say goodbye to the current year. To end the chapter and assess where I wanted to go from there. My way of saying goodbye put an end to it with a solid finality.
After my period of review and reflection on what has transpired during the year and time spent with the lessons I learned, trials I faced, my accomplishments and my disappointments- I consciously decide what stays and what goes with me into the New Year. I leave behind the hurt and the negative but take the knowledge it gave me. I leave the people who have no place in my future and grab a hold of the ones that have loved me, pushed me and accepted me. I do not bring anything into my new year that doesn't serve my growth, my happiness or my life.
Then I bid the Year adieu. It was 364 days of my life that I lived, I experienced and now I prepared to move on from. I have a fresh new year to fill.
I have never been one for New Year’s resolutions. I believe in having goals and dreams throughout the entire year. Just seems logical to start on New Year’s Eve with the promise of fresh new start to a fresh new year. It is definitely not a “Do Over” just another chance to get it right or even better- get me right. A new year is not just a date on the calendar but a moment in your life when at midnight on December 31st you have your first moments of perfection. A Moment without any mistakes, any disappointments, loss or sadness, a pristine New Year. Don't get me wrong here I am totally a realist and I know that the normal bullshit will eventually filter through- it is life after all. But if you spend some time saying your goodbyes to the current year and then decide what will make it into your new year- you will totally be ready, clean and mistake free for at least the first few minutes of January 1st.
Last year at about 11:30 pm I went outside on my deck and stared up at the night sky and millions of twinkling stars filled my vision. There was so much in 2011 that I needed to make peace with. A year that had spun completely out of control and all I could do was hang on for the ride. A year of loss, of confrontation and resignation. I still had so much anger and frustration come the last day of the year, saying goodbye to it was one of the hardest yet. Looking up at the night sky I replayed it in my head- all of it. I knew that I couldn't allow any of the bad to go forward with me. Silently I closed the chapter. None of those feelings had a place in my New Year. I had to let them go to stay right where they were- in the past.
Looking up to that night sky I said goodbye and welcomed the New Year and at the very stroke of midnight a shooting star shot across the sky. For my first moment in 2012 I made my wish and felt something I hadn't felt in a long time- hope.
As the dawn of the New Year approaches the time to figure out what to bring with you and what to leave behind- is now.
Happy (Almost) New Year.
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