As the dawn of the new year approaches the time to figure out
what to bring with you and what to leave behind- is now.
For as long as I can remember I have always found myself saying goodbye to the current year on December 31st in my own special way. It has varied year to year depending on what I have had to face and what the year was like for me. One year on December 31st I burned an entire box of love letters from a relationship that had ended a few months before. Another year I lit a candle for all of the loved ones I lost and replayed a memory in my mind of them before blowing out the flame. Some years I have written in my journal and other years I have flashed a "Year in Review" montage in my mind. Whatever I have done served one purpose- to say goodbye to the current year. To end the chapter and assess where I wanted to go from there. My way of saying goodbye put an end to it with a solid finality.
After my period of review and reflection on what has transpired during the year and time spent with the lessons I learned, trials I faced, my accomplishments and my disappointments- I consciously decide what stays and what goes with me into the New Year. I leave behind the hurt and the negative but take the knowledge it gave me. I leave the people who have no place in my future and grab a hold of the ones that have loved me, pushed me and accepted me. I do not bring anything into my new year that doesn't serve my growth, my happiness or my life.
Then I bid the Year adieu. It was 364 days of my life that I lived, I experienced and now I prepared to move on from. I have a fresh new year to fill.
I have never been one for New Year’s resolutions. I believe in having goals and dreams throughout the entire year. Just seems logical to start on New Year’s Eve with the promise of fresh new start to a fresh new year. It is definitely not a “Do Over” just another chance to get it right or even better- get me right. A new year is not just a date on the calendar but a moment in your life when at midnight on December 31st you have your first moments of perfection. A Moment without any mistakes, any disappointments, loss or sadness, a pristine New Year. Don't get me wrong here I am totally a realist and I know that the normal bullshit will eventually filter through- it is life after all. But if you spend some time saying your goodbyes to the current year and then decide what will make it into your new year- you will totally be ready, clean and mistake free for at least the first few minutes of January 1st.
Last year at about 11:30 pm I went outside on my deck and stared up at the night sky and millions of twinkling stars filled my vision. There was so much in 2011 that I needed to make peace with. A year that had spun completely out of control and all I could do was hang on for the ride. A year of loss, of confrontation and resignation. I still had so much anger and frustration come the last day of the year, saying goodbye to it was one of the hardest yet. Looking up at the night sky I replayed it in my head- all of it. I knew that I couldn't allow any of the bad to go forward with me. Silently I closed the chapter. None of those feelings had a place in my New Year. I had to let them go to stay right where they were- in the past.
Looking up to that night sky I said goodbye and welcomed the New Year and at the very stroke of midnight a shooting star shot across the sky. For my first moment in 2012 I made my wish and felt something I hadn't felt in a long time- hope.
As the dawn of the New Year approaches the time to figure out what to bring with you and what to leave behind- is now.
Happy (Almost) New Year.
12/27/2012 12:19:34 pm
12/27/2012 01:20:58 pm
12/27/2012 05:26:05 pm
Having twice seen shooting stars when in the midst of a decision your story reverberated. Will be leaving some things behind.
12/27/2012 08:58:24 pm
There is just something so magical about shooting stars. Thank you Rita. Happy 2013 :) ~Jenn
12/28/2012 03:41:41 am
What an awesome idea! You gave me a way to start my new year. Hopefully I can look outside at midnite and let my struggling year fly up to the heavens and start 2013 with a new and better outlook on life. I am a chronic pain sufferer and it sometimes is so very overwhelming I feel there will be no good tomorrow. If I am fortunate enough to see a falling star I will know its all because of you.. Thanks my friend
12/29/2012 04:10:36 am
You are more than welcome. I wish for you relief in the upcoming New Year. May there be shooting stars in your future. ~Jenn
12/29/2012 04:11:20 am
I am very glad you found me too!! Happy New Year Dolby. ~Jenn
12/29/2012 05:03:56 pm
12/29/2012 09:00:50 pm
I have just awarded you the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. Check it out on my link http://musedone.com/2012/12/30/very-inspiring-blogger/ A well deserved congratulations! -Michelle (Mused)
12/30/2012 02:18:39 am
I am honored Michelle ♥ Thank you.
Jenny M Lyons
12/30/2012 03:57:11 am
.. Reading your story brought years to my eyes ... So many dramas that we had this last year that need to be left behind .. Thank you for sharing ... Happy New Year ...
12/30/2012 08:13:43 am
I really like the idea of reviewing the entire year and consciously leaving behind all the negative aspects of the past year. I remember how liberating it was when I realized (without guilt) that I didn't have to keep certain people in my life. Happy New Year to you!
1/8/2013 06:08:27 am
Your post has left me thinking that this is what I need t do, it's what my heart and soul and brain has been trying to tell me for quite a few months. I have 5 almost 6 years of 'everything' to let go of so that I can move on and figure out what I want the rest of my life to be and who I want to be... For 36 years, I had a happy life, not without : problems, financial struggles, children, & everyday living, but a good happy life. Then in 2007, my husband of 36 years was diagnosed with Leukemia, and that's when everything went to hell. I lost Jerry after 6 months, I continued to try and work, not taking time to grieve or time for myself or my family, and my body shut down on me, I had a seizure at work and busted my skull open, long story short, I became disabled and lost my job. During this time, I adopted my only grandson, who was more like 'our' child. I struggled with helping him overcome the loss of Pappaw, and at that time he was also worried about losing me. I lived doing only what I HAD to do, but I backed away from life, family, friends...I couldn't go out anywhere, I'd have panic attacks...things eventually seemed to be getting better, last year I did start getting out, and I connected with a male friend, and life seemed to be moving in a little better direction. Then the unthinkable happed, my beloved grandson waas shot and murdered this past Aug. 2012. Everybody & everything seems to be pulling me apart and I have started questioning everything I say or do [as well as anyone else] I want to revert back to my bed, close out people...I question my 'new' relationship...was I just lonely being the reason I attached with him so quickly, because now even tho I care a great deal about him, I see things I don't like, I don't see us together forever, or am I just making me see the relationship that way? My mind reminds me nothing is permanant, do I want to deal with loss again, can I deal with it...So many things I have to figure out, and because of my brain injury, it just makes making any kind of decisions that much more difficult, and I 2nd. & 3rd guess everyone I try to make... This New Year has my mind of thoughts, memories, hurts & loves so tangled...I just want peace & contintment in my life....Your post has reminded me to pull up my big girl panties and be the woman I used to be, independant, happy, loving, and sure of myself....
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