How many of us live in the day to day rut of just getting by? Not just financially...but emotionally as well. How many times a day does the frustration or sadness blip onto your internal radar, only to be pushed back down cause work is calling, or the kids need something..there is errands to be run and bills to be paid. So caught up in our daily lives that we never take the time to pull out those feelings and examine them. We continually push them down further and further and hope they stay there. Plaster that smile on and keep going. Until that one moment in time, when the planets collide and all of emotional crap we have been burying and burying comes flying out. Sometimes it is the smallest thing that sets us off, but it gives tell to just exactly unhappy, unfulfilled or how deep in a rut we really are. Who you are as a person will dictate how you handle it when it all comes to the surface. Will you bow your head and let the weight of the world drive you to your knees, will you hide out in bed and sleep..will you let your anger get the best of you and take it out on the ones you love? Will you over eat to fill the void or drink to dull the pain. Or will you pull your shoulders back and identify what exactly is causing your sadness, frustration and grab it by the balls and say ok..listen up, here is what I am going to do?
I want to be the kind of person, that squares my shoulders back and say to myself, I got this.
I have done it more then once, as I am sure some of you have too. You just get to a point in your life, that you either gotta jump and hope for a solid landing, or stay where you are and lose all sense of yourself. It is never an easy thing, identifying all that is wrong in your life and really looking at it, not glossing it over, but see it for what it is. It takes the exact same amount of energy to make your life what you want it to be, to be happy, to hold your head up, that it does to be miserable and unhappy. Why this is so hard for people confuses me. Why would you not want to be happy? Why does being happy scare us so? Why can we never trust in it.
I know that often times, the feelings of being trapped, selfish or weak take over. I had a lady one time say to me that, You are like a cup..if you are empty, then how will you quench anothers thirst. You must first fill yourself, before you will be any good to another. This is so true.. I mean how are you supposed to be everything to everyone, if you aren't being everything to yourself first? This is really not a gender thing at all either, men and women both are guilty of it. We will travel the path in front of us that is the easiest, will not the most fulfilling, because we don't trust ourselves to make our own path. We don't trust that while our conscience thoughts may have no idea what the hell we are doing, our subconscious does. We know without really knowing until that time.. when it all comes to the surface and we make that decision. That decision will be a direct reflection of who you are. Are you stronger then you give yourself credit for? Are you brave enough to take that first glance at your life, and stop playing the victim, stop blaming the world for your unhappiness and then, only then can you begin to... define yourself.