I Have Learned...

                    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.
                              No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame.
                                            The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey
                                       You alone are responsible for the quality of it.
                                             This is the day your life really begins

Everyone feels emotional pain in their lives. You can either use that to become a better & stronger person or you use it as an excuse not to. I have learned over the years that there are times when a person will use it as an excuse.  An excuse to retreat to some shadow world, where they refuse to deal with life and circumstance. Often times creating such a world that has no basis in reality, but is one that they are comfortable with. I have learned that sometimes, you can't fix broken.

I have learned that sometimes, you can not help someone that refuses to help themselves. That you can sacrifice for, plead with, fight for and love, and that sometimes, it isn't enough.  I have learned that to carry the burden of this can almost bring you to your knees. I have learned that trying to show someone that the shadow world they live in is not reality, will never work. That a person so buried in this world will do whatever it takes to convince you, that it is you that is wrong. By lying, manipulating and swearing to whatever god is handy, you must agree and play along. To do otherwise marks you as the enemy. I have learned that sometimes, you can't fix broken.

I have learned what it is like to walk the edges of this shadow world, desperately wanting to reach in and bring this person back into life, to feel that constant pull from them as they resist. They want to pull you in, have you as part of this reality they have built. I have learned in this struggle the importance of strength. I have learned that to resist that pull, is to have a pull on your heart that is tremendous. I have also learned that you would come to a point, when you could pull no longer.  I learned that sometimes, you can't fix broken.

I have learned over the years a lesson that seems to be coming to a its final conclusion. That regardless of how much you love someone, support them and fight for them, they are ultimately responsible for their life, their journey, their reality. I have learned what it is like to fail.  I have learned that sometimes you can't fix broken.

I have learned that while sometimes you can't fix broken, you can pick up the pieces of yourself and put them back together. That this takes strength and courage. I have learned that when you decide your life is your own, that is the first step in taking back the power over your life. I have learned that this is ok. I have learned that you sometimes need to walk away.

Life lessons never stop, they just vary in intensity. How you handle life what throws at you, determines who you are as a person. I have seen the dangers of retreating into a shadow world, I have seen how high the cost can be when one will not fight for themselves.  When it is simply just easier to retreat into their shadow world and leave their loved ones behind.  I have learned, that it is never your fault, that they alone are responsible for their destiny.

I have learned, that you alone are responsible for your character, your integrity, your strength and your future. I have learned that you must always dig as deep as you need to, to find the strength to pull yourself up and carry on. I have learned that the price is simply to high to not to. I have learned that it doesn't matter what the world thinks of you, if you are solid and secure in yourself, if you face whatever comes at you with dignity, strength and courage, that is what matters.  I have learned that it is ok to stumble, it is ok to cry, but that it must not end there.

I have learned the value of my life.