There will be times in our lives that we must do something that may hurt emotionally or physically. Moments we will face that will leave scars on our skin or our soul.
To me, scars are a sign that though once wounded- you have healed.
I stood there staring at the wall that stood about 30 feet in front of me. A big window sits in the center of it offering a view of the woods. I can see the sunlight shining through the budding trees and I want to be in front of that window. I want to feel the warmth of the sunshine on my face and to look out at the trees. But to do this I must first walk to the wall. I glance down at my feet and will them to move. They stubbornly remain firmly planted on the floor and I feel like a toddler learning to walk, afraid to take that first step because I am sure that I will fall down. For a few moments I let my fear paralyze me. My physical therapist stands next to me giving me time and ready to steady me should I stumble. I have to trust her; which for me is easier said than done. I know I need to take the first step then the next and onward until I reach my goal. My crutches lean against the chair out of reach. I must do this without them. I must find the strength- both physically and mentally to take these first steps.
So many times in our lives we stand at a precipice to some decision we need to make, something we need to let go of or some life lesson we must weave into the fabric of our lives before we can continue on. Sometimes it causes us to lose our footing and stumble. Sometimes it can paralyze us to the point that we second guess ourselves and in turn let fear plant our feet when we should be moving forward. We may be willing our feet to move but at the same time saying to ourselves "Oh hell no". So we stand there- stuck. Indecision pulled around our shoulders like a cloak we talk ourselves out of what we need to do because we are scared or certain that we are doomed to fail or fall down. We over think everything instead of just doing.
We make excuses. We convince ourselves that our indecision is not fear. We doubt our strength and our abilities. We doubt ourselves. We cling to things that we need to let go of. We talk ourselves out of decisions that need to be made. We second guess ourselves to the point that we end up going around in circles or worse retreating backwards. We look our goals and our dreams in the face and convince ourselves we are not strong enough or smart enough or deserving enough to attain them.
We become our own worst enemy.
We know that we may need help to get to where we need to be. There are times when our stubbornness and refusal to ask for this help hurts more than our pride. It can hurt our minds and our bodies. To ask for help means that we see ourselves as weak and if you are like me; I would sooner poke myself in the eye then admit I need help. Never showing weakness has served me well throughout my life and I have always handled what life threw at me. Handled it, dealt with it and moved on from it. But as I have gone through this past month not being able to walk, not being able to do much of anything because of my injury I found myself faced with a life lesson I never saw coming.
Couple of them actually.
The first one was that in order to make it through this injury- I was going to need help. I was going to have to admit to myself, putting my pride aside; that I couldn't do all of this on my own. The second lesson I have learned is that I must trust in the ones that are helping me. And the third lesson that I learned was in order for me to walk again- I must inspire, encourage and be my own best friend. I must still my doubts. I must still the fear of falling and pain. I must dig deep and I must force myself forward.
There will be times in our lives that we must do something that may hurt emotionally or physically. Moments we will face that will leave scars on our skin or our soul. To me, scars are a sign that though once wounded- you have healed. It will not happen overnight but it will happen.
Asking for help or allowing someone to stand next to you should you stumble is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of true strength. Even the strongest of people have to set their burdens down for awhile. Trust in those that step up to carry it for you and remind yourself that you will pick up and carry on again soon. But for now you will trust in the goodness and the strength of another to get you to where you need to be.
Stop giving up. Stop making excuses. Stop babying yourself and convincing yourself that you are not strong enough or smart enough to do what needs doing. Stop talking yourself out of decisions and learn to follow your gut. Learn to inspire yourself. Put the brakes on over thinking everything and learn to simply do. Simply act. Set your sights on where you need to be, on what you need to do, plan out your steps and then- GO. Trust in your initial decisions, don't over think it, and when it hurts or the pain becomes almost too unbearable- dig a little deeper. Encourage yourself instead of berating yourself. Challenge yourself instead of always walking the safest and straightest route. Be more of you then you ever thought possible and then go further.
I stood there for a few moments staring at that wall. I stopped myself from thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't take that first step. It could hurt. I could fall. I may not make it to the wall. But then I realized it would hurt me more to not even try. Sure it would probably hurt and I may be a slow as a turtle- but it would hurt me even more to give up. I owed myself encouragement. I owed myself to suck it up and just do it. I may fall, so what. I will get back up. It may hurt, so what. I will heal eventually. I couldn't force my feet to move- I had to simply allow them the freedom of going forward.
I squared my shoulders, relaxed my mind, and went on intuition. Those first few steps without the support of my crutches were terrifying and liberating all at the same time. Sure it hurt, but the relief of finally being on my way to healing overpowered the pain. My confidence grew with each step and I made it to that wall. The sun shining through that window could not have felt any sweeter. As it will be with whatever you are facing- trust in those that want to help you. Inspire yourself to get to where you need to be.
Then as Nike so aptly says, "Just Do It."
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