Letting Go of Letting Go.

1/15/2013

I am tired of letting things go. By letting them go and swallowing my words because it is easier than calling someone I care about out on how their behavior
hurts me, angers me or that I feel disrespects me- I am in essence
giving them permission to continue.
~J.V. Manning

On my drive home there is a stretch of road that is two lanes for a mile or so. At the end of this stretch, the driving lane continues on straight and the left lane is to turn left. It never fails that the lane to go straight backs up at the time I am heading home from work. It also never fails that at least 2 cars will shoot past the line of traffic and force their way in. The drivers that jump the line and force their way into traffic see only their needs, wants and are in their own little world. They carelessly disregard every one waiting. I have narrowly avoided daily collisions because someone felt that they could force their needs on me and I either need to swerve out of their way or risk getting run over. I get irritated every time it happens. Not because I may have to sit through another light, but because someone is forcing their will, their decisions and their behavior on me and I have to accept it or risk an accident.

Not OK on this stretch of road. Also not acceptable in life.

Family members, friends, coworkers, even neighbors force their needs, their wants and their actions on you. If it is something that you do not agree with, validate or condone, you are still forced to simply- accept them, challenge them or just let it go. Accepting them is of course the easiest route to take. But what if you don't? What if what they are doing, saying or not doing goes against your need or want? What if what they are doing is something you have asked them not to? When their actions directly affect you and yet you are either not consulted on the matter or if you are and you disagree they just go ahead with what they wanted all along? Do you challenge them or just let it go? I think most of us time and time again take the easy road and just let it go. We get labeled if we challenge too much as mouthy, difficult, bitchy or just plan unaccommodating. But if it is something that happens over and over again and you get disregarded for another's wants or actions- when do you put your foot down and say no more?

Probably when you snap.

I don't what has gotten into me lately. I think that I have hit my limit of just letting stuff go. Gasp! Did I just say that? What will people think? I may get called difficult. I may even get called bitchy. But oddly enough at this point in time, I am OK with that. What changed? No idea. Well that is not completely the truth. I have some idea. I am tired of letting things go. By letting them go and swallowing my words because it is easier than calling someone I care about out on how their behavior hurts me, angers me or that I feel disrespects me- I am in essence giving them permission to continue.

Well that and the fact I'm just over it.

Growing up with a severely bi-polar mother, I perfected the art of placating. Of shelving what I wanted, needed or felt in order to keep the peace. Always trying to avoid the ultimate fight that would ensue if I actually stood my ground about something that mattered to me. It was easier to just let it go. I find now that I am done always placating everyone else. Sometimes it is appropriate of course. I don't need to always get my way or what I may want. But when it comes to something I feel strongly about. Or if it is something a person does over and over again even after I speak my mind- I just walk away. Completely.

The only people that deserve a place in your life are the ones that hear you, that respect you and the ones that don't force you to either swerve out of their way or risk a collision. It simply isn't worth it. I hit my limit it appears slowly over the past couple of months. If I speak up about something I feel strongly about and I am consistently disregarded by anyone- well then they do not deserve a place in my life.

I am letting go of letting go. If that makes me a difficult, opinionated and mouthy, well then I guess that just means I am doing something right. I am doing something right for me.

You should too.

35 Comments

Timothea

1/15/2013 01:44:38 am

WOW just woke up a little, was the type to let things go and had started pointing out when things upset me, you're article has helped me so much, I guess I too was sick of letting things go and when I stopped letting things go, it showed me who was going to stick around and who was going to walk away, the one I thought wouldn't DID, but you're article as I said already, has woken me up today, thank you xxxx

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:28:50 am

Timothea,

It amazes me sometimes who in my life has walked away and who has stood by my side. It hurts sometimes to end something that was at one time so important to me. But it happens. You always have to take care of yourself ♥ Thank you for your comment, Jenn

Timothea

1/17/2013 08:04:20 pm

Thanks for your reply Jenn, Yes I feel I've always been the one to put others first, my time is now, I need to work on me for a while, you've no idea how much your article and your response has turned lights on in my head <3 xx

Dittodal

5/26/2013 03:37:23 pm

Sounds like my life. The one I thought would stay didn't. And Jenn is right It HURTS horribly to walk away from something/someone that was so important. Thank you for your sharing! Helped me feel less alone.

jerry

1/15/2013 01:58:17 am

a big AMEN to you. i am one of those that usually let stuff go by even if it burns me, although i am known for not being PC sometimes and looked at as angry,pissed off,not in a good mood, again, etc,

i really do get what you are saying and i also feel that folks that continue to act against my will are in some way challenging me. well i am all set with them,

thank you for your post

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:31:56 am

Thank you Jerry! I too am not known for being too PC. But it is what it is. Thanks for the comment ~Jenn

Salli Bowen link

1/15/2013 02:03:37 am

Thank you Jenn for another amazing post! You always manage to put words to my thoughts!

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:32:26 am

Thanks Salli!!

sheila link

1/15/2013 02:06:19 am

Amen sista. Amen. Me too. I'm tired of being stepped on too. And crushed. :)

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:33:53 am

Never allow yourself to be crushed or stepped on my friend!! You are far to valuable. You are an amazing woman. Talented, gifted and inspiring! It is a privilege to know you ♥

pat Macri

1/15/2013 02:13:46 am

Thanks for posting this - very brave of you ! I have often felt just as tired, and fed-up with 'doing the right thing'. My oldest son tells me that I am 'forthright' -- a kind way of telling me that I am once again, being a bitch - -so be it.

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:35:23 am

I don't know if I'm brave but I am outspoken lol. I love that he says your are "forthright". I have my inner bitch on standby. She is ready when needed. If all else fails, I let her out. Thanks for the comment Pat. ~Jenn

Gayle Harrod

1/15/2013 02:45:12 am

Great post! It's interesting to me to me how people come at this topic from so many different angles. I was always a placater too, but never thought of that as "letting go". In fact it's a concept I just started learning about within the past year or so and for me, while part of it has been learning to let go of things I can't control, much of it has also been about precisely the point you're making....NOT letting go of all those things people do to disrespect or disregard you, but respecting myself enough to let go of the negative people that disrespect and disregard you....letting go of situations and relationships that are just plain unhealthy. It's about letting go of whatever it is I need to let go of, to keep my own personal peace and serenity.

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:38:11 am

Awesome comment Gayle! Sounds like you are turning a corner in life. I hope that you find all the peace and serenity you so justly deserve. ~Jenn

Corrine Rain link

1/15/2013 02:55:00 am

This is eye opening, honest and a great blog.

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:36:01 am

Thank you Corrine! I appreciate it.

maryrose link

1/15/2013 03:11:19 am

I love this....!
I have been fighting with myself over letting go...
and actually writing about it....
this is how I feel....
Thank you for voicing what I couldn't find the words to say...
Take Care...
)0(
maryrose

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:39:53 am

Maryrose, thank you for your comment and the love inside of it. You will get to the point I promise, when you no longer fight yourself and just simply let go. Kind of like releasing a balloon the wind. Take care my friend. ~Jenn

Kimpa

1/15/2013 09:09:13 am

I feel like you just read my heart!!!!

Helen Nelsen link

1/15/2013 12:19:07 pm

Wow I just had this experience. Sometimes you have to stand up and be heard.

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:41:46 am

I cannot express how awesome this comment made me feel. Thank you so much Kimpa! I am so glad this resonated with you ♥Jenn

KrisS

1/15/2013 12:15:02 pm

I, too, am a child of a bipolar parent. I was the eldest so keeping the peace all the way around was my job...as well as everything else that needed done. I have a brother and a sister who are also bipolar. I missed the bipolar gene only to find that I was a carrier, so passed it on to my son. I have spent my entire life placating everyone...but no more. I am going to stand up for what is best for me. Thanks for your post; it made my day.

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:43:46 am

If you were right in front of me, I would first give you a big hug and then a high five. Do it. Start today. Be strong Kris and always stand up for yourself. If they don't like it- so be it. You can only control you. xoxo Jenn

1/15/2013 02:17:10 pm

I just wanted to say Thank you, this spoke to my heart cause that is exactly how I've been feeing lately, I've always let go of things just to keep the peace and reading this has helped me realize that I really need to concentrate on me more.

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:52:08 am

Sounds like a good plan for the New Year. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I hope that you find peace and the strength to go after everything you deserve. ~Jenn

CAM

1/15/2013 09:41:07 pm

Wow. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I am dealing with a mentally ill daughter and a husband who tends to BLAME ME. I am printing this out and reading it again and again until I live it.

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:54:19 am

You.Can.Do.It!! and repeat. Over and over again until it becomes habit. Stand up for yourself Cam. Even if it feels like an uphill battle- dig deep. Be your own best friend and trust yourself. Listen to that little voice inside of your head. Hugs to you, I am always here if you need to vent. ~Jenn

Jaclyn

1/16/2013 01:27:15 am

Thank you for this...I'm so tired of giving in and/or letting it go!! This makes me feel at peace to stand up tell the other person to get over it...it's what I want and/or how I feel! Thank you again. Very inspiring!

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:56:39 am

Your feelings. Your emotions. Your needs. All are so very important. It is up to you to see that they are being met, respected and loved. It is also up to you if they are not to either put an end to it and move on. Or just let it go and get mad or hurt every time. You deserve to be happy- remind yourself of that,

xoxo~Jenn

Kyla

1/17/2013 02:21:17 am

Jenn ~ I'd just like to know when you got inside my head. I read this, and thought, wow!! That's where I was last year. In September I took steps to "Let Go" and haven't looked back since. I've been able to reclaim joy, sanity, and no longer look toward my siblings for any acceptance. Losing both parents in a span of three months caused my family to implode. Even though I'm 50, I'm still regarded as a 2-3 yr little kid who can't think. Well, I'm happy now, I have people surrounding me who respect me and appreciate me, and I'm sure, when you embark on this journey of Letting Go of Letting Go, you'll find the peace I have to. Not only you, but others as well. Thanks Jenn, for putting something into words that I wasn't able to. Someday perhaps, but just not right now. Keep up the fantastic writing - you're touching more hearts than you know.

Random Jenn

1/17/2013 09:59:54 am

Kyla, Promise I was only in your head for a little bit. It was nice and peaceful there :)

I am so sorry about the deaths of your parents. I understand the "imploding" family. I have lived through that myself the past couple of years. I am so glad you seem to have found your strength and your voice and saw the importance of surrounding yourself with people that "get you".

Thank you for the touching comment about touching hearts. I hope I am. It motivates me everyday to write and do the facebook page. Big hugs to you!! xoxo ~Jenn

dolby link

1/17/2013 02:04:22 pm

I can so relate to what you expressed in your blog. I have let go of letting go along time ago. There is always going to be someone who will oppose-that is life, 'polar opposites'. What makes a great teacher-is a student. I believe we are here to live OUR best life, unfortunately we are influenced to see things as a whole, true we are a part of the collective, a sum part, but unique in our own ways. The art is to allow the flow. Seekers, see/seek it differently, always testing the waters so to speak, going against the grain because it feels right to speak, to shake things up. That tends to be a ruff ride down the rapids, but the reward is off the charts. I am 59, and with all my roaring rapids relationships, I would not trade that in for anything. Going through it sucked but the calm at the end of the river affords freedom to swim. I know there is more to come, always a polar opposite, that is how life is, a continuum. The challenge will ask, am I up for it. The answer, always-bring it on!

Joy Ride
going on a journey, heading into the unknown
who would have guessed, emos has a home.
doing the unexpected, surprising myself
acting on impulse, feeling no one else.
ignoring the warning signs, the truth is purging
won’t hesitate two steps forward, I am emerging.
analyze the problem, use my logic & reason
think it all through, for there is a season.
clear up any confusion, expose the hidden truth
do what I know is right,
bath in all its wondrous delight.
acknowledge the other point of view,
both working on seeing it through.
keep a firm resolve, headed in a twirl,
light up my chakras, find that hidden pearl.
awaken to my possibilities, transformer all alive,
discovering my joy, seeing everything in a new light.
the draw is in the direction, the impulse in the act
darkness turns the lights on, finding my way back.
~Dolby Dubrow 2004

Nancy

1/27/2013 02:21:16 pm

This post really spoke to me. I, too, am the only child of a parent that was probably bi-polar. Other family members, too. I have spent most of my life trying to keep the peace. Sometimes I would stand up for myself, but usually not. I have always stood up for my children, though. The last few years, since my divorce, I have spoken up more and more, which is empowering. I'm learning what to let go of and what not to.
My question is what if the person who continually disrespects you is someone you can't or won't walk away from and yet what they do you can't let go of?

Dolby link

1/29/2013 01:53:20 am

@ nancy, you CAN do whatever you want, and like you stated you WON"T walk away. What is important is the respect you have for yourself-if you have that then you can teach by example and be a loving presense in ANY situation. A loving presense is strong sense of self, and asks the question; is this about me or them? When you can decern that, you have a direction, if it is about you then you can go inside yourself and ask why this feels this way and then grow from it ground yourself, if it is about them, you can be that loving presense, teach by example, open your heart with compassion. The problem is most of us react to situations because we have so much imbedded in our cells of our care givers, friends, strangers actions. We primarly react our of the subconscious which is embedded in our cells. When we awaken to our actions in that moment is when we can make changes. It is kinda like when you type, you immediately know when you typed the wrong letter or word and rush back to correct it. Well that is how we must learn to decern, when we get that hit, we can make it right, so we don't repeat it again. As a result of this we can be the change we want to see in others. It is a beautiful evolution. OM Shanti

Dittodal

5/26/2013 03:33:28 pm

I Love Love Loved your article, you are writing my life, and very well said ,might I add. I am always labeled the mouthy,bitchy one, and usually even then I AM biting my tongue and letting things go!!! Cant imagine what they would think if they new how much I didn't say !! Anyway It;s nice to know I am not alone. Stay true to you.. Thanxs again

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