Every one of my scars both inside and out, tell my stories.
Of how though wounded, I fought, I conquered and I eventually healed.
My scars make up who I am, who I was and remind me of how life
can deal some nasty blows, but eventually I will heal.
Life isn't always sunshine, rainbows, puppies and smiles. Actually more often than not, it can be downright dirty, unjust and unfair. Life can deal blow after blow and isn't always satisfied with just knocking one down, it needs to kick you a few times to drive its point home. One tries not to take it personally, shit happens after all, but there are times when it seems to keep slapping you in the face saying, nope no happy for you today, or tomorrow or maybe even next week. You look around you and wonder, what did I do, to bring this upon myself? When your life is in turmoil, you have to wonder, why? Doctors call with bad news, your children are failing, your wife is unfaithful, you are out of work and bills are stacking up. You tell yourself that it can't possibly get any worse and your car dies on the way home. You fight with your best friend, your family is attacking you for reasons you will never be able to fathom.. You want to crawl into a corner and wave a white flag at life saying, seriously.. enough already. You get so tired that all you want to do is hide, because what is the point of putting yourself out there, when apparently you have a giant kick me sign on your back that everyone can see. Sound familiar? You wake up in the morning and instead of being optimistic, the day in and day out of reality has you wanting to pull the covers over your head. You have had it, no more. Why bother? Reality makes for a cold bed fellow though, your thoughts will swarm around inside your brain, as you search for some internal off switch. You get up anyway, because really, what else do you do? You dress and you have your coffee and you go about your day. Eyes cast to the ground because you do not want anyone to see the defeat in your eyes, the sag in your shoulders, your ever fleeting will to live slowly fading. But you go, you get up, you put one foot in front of the other and you brace yourself for what the day will bring. Day in and day out it is the same thing. Little grievances add up, til one day you look in the mirror and say, screw it. You lose your temper, your emotions fire up and you get your fight back. You look yourself in the eyes and say enough. Cause see, your reality is what you shape. You have to have the balls to make the changes you so desperately need. You have to stand up for yourself, even if you are standing alone. Rid the people in your life that have no place in your future, shed the negativity and realize, that life can deal you blow after blow, but you can fight back. You get knocked down again and again, you get back up. Cause that one time you don't, the one time you accept defeat and not pull yourself together is the time it would have worked.
Above all in life you must be true to yourself, if there is something in your life you cannot put your heart and your soul into, then take yourself out of it completely. Accept everything about yourself, I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end.. no apologies and no regrets. Life may knock you down, it may bloody your nose and break your heart. But those pieces can be picked up, and slowly put back together, again and again til you get it right. Bernice Reagon had it right when she said "Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are."
Who you are, who you can be, who you will be is not defined in the moments when you are on top, it is defined in the moments that you are at your lowest point. When you are one step away from throwing in the towel, but don't. When the walls are closing in and you are faced with uncertainty, with fear and filled with exhaustion, you become paralyzed for a moment and then you discover your strength.
The journey of your life each day, begins with a single step.
3/15/2012 02:48:34 pm
I really enjoyed your blog and apparently I was meant to read it because I have a huge life decision to make! God does work in mysterious ways! I actually found this blog by accident
Jenn, aka Random Thoughts
3/18/2012 11:27:16 am
Very few things in life are by accident :) I am so glad you found me and my blog, thank you for reading. I wish you the best of luck on your big decision. Something I have learned, always trust your gut. Follow your instinct.
Jenn, aka Random Thoughts
3/18/2012 11:27:57 am
Thanks El, you are such a true friend and inspiration. ♥
3/18/2012 07:28:46 am
One of my very best friends was just told us she has cancer, this will help her and me get through this.
Jenn, aka Random Thoughts
3/18/2012 11:30:38 am
It always amazes me the strength people find when faced with this battle. I have walked along side a number of friends over the past 2 years and their courage and strength was such a inspiration. Your friend is lucky to have you and you, her. May you both dig deep to find the courage and strength you will need. I am touched you think what I wrote will help, thank you for that. ♥ Best of luck to you both
3/18/2012 07:36:29 am
I too, must have been meant to read this...have been struggling with blow after blow the last 8 mths. Heart broken, financial stress...and normally, I deal, Normally, I recoup pretty quickly but then there's been serious issues with my kids, deaths in the family and I feel like one of those bopping bags that every time I pop back up, something smacks me back down.
Jenn, aka Random Thoughts
3/18/2012 11:34:04 am
I had one of those very stretches of time myself, the last 2 years. Storm after storm after storm.. It seemed as though it would never end. But it did, and I am still standing. Thought maybe alot more battered and tired... Just keep getting up, and getting up, you will always find strength when you need it. I am so glad you found Random Thoughts, thank you for taking the time to comment and I hope the storm for you ends soon. ♥
3/18/2012 11:01:29 am
Wow!, this is so EXACTLY what I have, n still am going thru, these last 2 yrs. i lost my job in 2010, was on unemployment until recently, am 55 yrs. old, n having a hard time finding work in the small town I live. I feel everything & more of what was written, I feel that the whole world, universe is against me. The harder I try, the more disappointments, hit me, the more discouraging words,the comments behind my back. Try as I may, to broke, n have to go an hour away to the nearest workforce commission. How do u go when u have no money, let alone gas? I try so hard, to be optimistic, but to no avail,just beaten down again, w/ looser written all over me.i adk myself over n over what it was I did so bad to disperse a life like this? I have always had a job, my independence, now nothing.
Jenn, aka Random Thoughts
3/18/2012 11:45:39 am
Jan, I wish I could hug you right now, seriously. First off, you are not a loser, promise. I know what it feels like to feel like the whole world hates you, but it doesn't. I don't hate you, so there :) Trying to be optimistic when faced with what you are is hard, don't beat yourself up over it cause you have temporarily lost your happy. Shit happens, and it happens to the best of us. Not knowing where you are writing from, you said a small town, is there any assistance at all?
3/18/2012 11:47:29 am
I as everyone else on here stated ..that I have lived a few bad years..and each time I get up with a plan...I also came to a point I threw up my hands and said whats the use....but I am not that way I reinvent and take one step at a time...someone told me once that it is a fight and dont listen to the nay sayers get a focus and get moving.....thank you for this particular blog....
Jenn @ Random Thoughts
3/18/2012 12:06:20 pm
Tammy, I LOVE that you reinvent! That is an awesome word, and I think I will file that quote away for future use!!. Thank you for taking the time to comment, and I agree it can be a fight, but it is a worthwhile battle.. and I agree, forget the nay sayers, the only voice you need to worry about, is your own.
3/18/2012 01:40:55 pm
Brilliant, Jenn. These are the kinds of posts that help folks know they're not alone. Good writing! xoxo Sue
3/18/2012 02:23:55 pm
Love the inspiration...this has been a year like no other; one blow after another. just when i start to get up, i'm knocked down again...but, somehow, i keep getting up. Coping with my own serious medical issues, the arrest and conviction of a monster who hurt my grandbaby (thank God, safe now), the terminal diagnosis of my only sibling, and trying to help my disabled son...Sometimes, life is SO hard...thank God i was born an optomist:) thanks for the inspiration...hugs...
3/18/2012 01:55:08 pm
WOW........exactly what I needed to read right now! Thank you! ♥
3/18/2012 02:03:32 pm
Jen, I read this b/c Susan referred to you in a post. We went to the same H.S. You have nailed it, you've rewritten what my life has always been like. I am not alone and not a quitter. Yesterday I felt like no one wants to be around or loves me. My children are grown and I live on SSD. Mom's up in yrs and I cannot see her as much as I should. Many more ways to describe why I am at this point now but it's just as you've said. We get up and do it again, step by step. I'm truly sick of my lonely, worrisome and boring life but I keep getting my one foot in front of the other and move myself into the next hour and then the next day. My physical and mental scars are mine. The weigh I've gained does not define me. I must learn to accept this and embrace it. I am willing to keep trying at least. I hate the way my life has changed but each new day gives me blessings and the hope for a better tomorrow. Thank you for making me feel that I'm still not alone and that my uniqueness- I've earned. Thank you for this opportunity to hear that my own trials are not simply mine alone. Other people really do have these same fears and challenges, that I deal with.
3/18/2012 04:12:56 pm
My friend is going through a rough time and she beleives I'm the only person who can help her get through what she is faced with but now I know I am not the only1 Jenn your blog will help her big time :) Thank you
Jenn @ Random
3/19/2012 02:41:02 am
Sky. You have no idea how excited I am to read your words "I am worth the fight." No sweeter words have I read in a long long time. You will have to start that fight yourself, but just know that we are ALL behind you, to nudge ya when you need it, remind you when you forget and be your friend.
3/20/2012 06:08:03 am
With hard work and Gods help it can get better.
4/4/2012 11:16:08 pm
As much as I know everything happens for a reason... I know that I was meant to see this today. This is my first time here, and how I got here I couldn't even tell you. I also appreciated everyone's comments, I could relate to so many of them. I am grateful for the understanding, hope and inspiration that I felt in your words, I really need it right now, so thank you. ♥
6/3/2012 12:24:25 pm
11/26/2012 07:15:33 am
Jenn thank you so much
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