No One Ever Tells Me How!

You will never find a: "Do These Two Steps to Complete Happiness" or "Top 10 Things for a Perfect Life" or "7 Things That Will Heal Your Soul" -  blog here. For one thing, I hate lists, and for another - If I could solve all of life's problems in ten steps or less - I would. Then, I'd have nothing but sunshine, rainbows and puppies to write about because everyone would be happy and healthy and I could ride off into the sunset, on my unicorn, knowing I fixed the world.

I am a lot of things but delusional isn't one of them.

The email she sent me though, wasn't the first time I've heard this. It's a real thing - the not knowing how to start. Not knowing the first steps to take. Being afraid of confronting the demons. Being afraid of making mistakes and wrong decisions. Healing, facing memories or hurt can be scary as hell. So scary many people don’t want to try but know that they must in order to become better.

There is no “how to” manual to do any of it. You have to figure out what works – for yourself.

There are guides though – people who have been in similar situations, people who speak their truths, books to read, inspiring quotes that make you think, song lyrics that speak to your soul. Guides and inspirations can be found everywhere, if you choose to look for them. But, you have to do the work for yourself because only you know what you need. Only you will know what works for you and what doesn’t. No one. NO ONE – can do this for you. They can help you. They can offer suggestions, ideas or insights but you are the only one who can find the “how to” that works – and then, do it.  

Then I learned, I didn't want or need just anyone to tell me how. 
I needed myself to tell me how. I needed to do the work. 
So, I did. Figuring it out as I went. 
~J.V. Manning

I’ve been through hell a few times. Yet, I’m still standing. Stronger than ever.

I am not entirely sure how I got to where I am today. Looking back, it astounds me. I did a lot of things wrong, I did a lot right, too. I just didn't know it at the time. It’s only now, when I pause to check in on myself that I realize how far I have come, how much healing I have accomplished and how the pieces I have put back together are well on their way to creating an amazing life.

I am incredibly proud of the work I have done.

Recently, a woman sent me an email after reading one of my blogs - she was really mad at me. Really mad. The opening line of the email was "You always say I have to do this or that in order to be happy or move on but damn it you never tell me how. You never tell me what to do."

She's right. I don't.

Who I am to tell her exactly she needs to do to fix things? I am not her soul. I am not inside her mind. I haven't lived her story. What I do is make people think, possibly in ways they may never have considered before, or I tell stories of what I have done, observed, encountered or figured out - throughout my life - in hopes that people can become inspired to try their own version in their worlds, adding their own "somethings" to get them "somewhere" they need to be. 

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Life is trial and error. You try, it works - you keep doing that. You try, it doesn't work - you try something different. Can't think of where to start? Well, you already have. You're reading this aren't you? Research, read, ask questions - when people speak their truths, listen to what resonates inside of your soul. The quickening in your belly. The little hairs on the back of your neck standing up. Goosebumps on your arm. These are signs that you are hearing a truth, these are the signs of your soul responding. Pay attention. Don’t dismiss things out of hand because they are different. You need change. You need different. It never hurts to try and see if maybe you found the step you needed to move a little bit forward.

For me, when I started to listen to my own voice and silenced the world - that's when things really started changing. When I did what felt right, other things followed and now I look back and see how far I have come. That's why my second book is called "The Other Side: Where all the life lessons learned from your past are put to use for a brighter, happier future." 

I made my way through to the other side by no other power than my own. You will, as well. To want someone else to tell you how: is to tell your soul you don’t believe in it. Find guides. Find inspiration. But figure out your “How” on your own. You will be better for it, stronger for it and you will build your strength throughout the process.

No one knows you better than you know yourself. Remember that. 

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The only reason I am where I am today is because I made it happen. I made the conscious decision to let go of everything and everyone who no longer served my soul, my happiness and my life. It wasn’t easy. I went backwards at times. It was scary as hell. But the alternative – the not doing it – scared me even more.

There is no road map on the how to of: moving on, letting go, loss, grief, healing, facing demons, handling memories that threaten to overwhelm you, finding your happy, handling life or anything we humans have to face throughout the course of our time here. There are ideas, there are stories we can learn from and people we can find inspiration in. But it is our responsibility to find the “how” that works for us. Learning to listen to the whispers of your soul helps. Tremendously.

In fact, it is the one thing I will tell you to do - Listen when your soul speaks. Trust yourself.

Everyone wants to be happy and fulfilled. So many people want the memories to stop beating them up and to learn the "how" of putting the pieces together. Many want to move on; leave the past in the past and live eyes forward. Some want to love again. Some need to feel safe. Others desire to feel comfortable in their own skin. Some may want to forgive; others not so much. Everyone wants to heal and move on. To shut the door with solid finality on what haunts them.

I remember when my entire world came crashing in on me. I was exhausted, beaten down and so over everything - I wasn't sure I wanted to ever stand up again, let alone move on. So, I sat in that ‘aftermath moment’ for a while – after living a life so wrought with anger, loss, sadness and emptiness – the hollowed out emptiness was what my soul needed. I went on autopilot and just shut down. This was okay for me - for a while. I was a mess. I hid at home, never answered my phone and did just what I had to do to get through the days. I knew living like this was okay for the moment - I deserved a breather. But, I couldn't allow myself to live in that moment forever. I had no idea what to do. I was shattered. I had no idea where to turn, I had lost everything. No one has ever told me how to do anything - believe me, I asked.

Then I learned, I didn't want or need just anyone to tell me how.
I needed myself to tell me how. I needed to do the work. 

So, I did. Figuring it out as I went. 

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