Note to Self.

There comes a point in life when you need to silence all the outside voices and only listen to yourself. You have  to learn to listen to the voice of your soul for it knows best what you need to hear, need to learn and need to know.  Stop silencing it. That little voice is your instinct, your strength and the culmination of your life experiences. 

Listen when your soul speaks...

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Dear Self,

I need to talk to you. You won't hear me when I try to come through your dreams or when I pass random thoughts through your head during the day. There are some things I need you to hear, to appreciate and to get through your thick skull. I watch your daily struggles. I see you in the mornings getting ready for work and can hear your thoughts as you look in the mirror. I feel the pain as you bite your tongue over and over again failing to speak your mind and stand up for yourself. I see you dealing with the past and I see your lack of trust in the future.

Self- You and I need to talk.

Stop second guessing yourself. Trust is something that is learned- I understand that. I know it is something you struggle with time after time. But if you can't learn to trust yourself, you will never learn to trust another. You need this lesson. You need to learn to trust. Same thing with letting people in. Keeping people at arm’s length because you don't want them to have the power to hurt you- is hurting you. I know you have been hurt in the past. I have felt every betrayal and cried every tear with you. But holding the people in your life accountable for the actions of those that came before is simply not going to work anymore.

You are tired. I feel the heaviness in your step and the weight on your shoulders. Giving and receiving is a balance in life and if you keep giving and giving you will end up empty and of no use to anyone. Especially yourself. No one else is going to force you to step back and give yourself some time. It is not their job. It is yours and yours alone. Use your words.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of maturity and gives the people in your life a chance to step up. They need this as much as you do.

You are not a robot. Emotions need to be felt fully and appreciated. Happiness is awesome but sometimes it just doesn't happen. You have been through hell and back over the past few years. Give yourself time to appreciate your journey. Give yourself time to heal.  Understand that this doesn't make you weak. It makes you human. Understand Self that you will never break. You may bend at times or fall to your knees- but you will always, always pick yourself back up. This goes back to the learning to trust yourself lesson. Learn it.

You are not your past. You are not your history. You are your today and your future. Your life is not defined by where you come from, what you have faced or where you are going. It is defined by what you do in each moment. How you face your challenges, how you treat others and how you treat yourself. I know you have been hurt by the actions of people you cared about. Shit happens sometimes. We both know life ain't always pretty nor is it always easy. But it is worth it.

Taking care of everyone around you is admirable. But you have got to take care of yourself too. Stop denying those nagging pains, doctor's appointments or massages you secretly crave but never splurge on. You work hard. You deserve it. See to it that you get what you need. Own your life and give to it what you so freely give to others. Stop being a damn martyr. You want something- then get off your butt and go for it. Expect no one to motivate you but yourself. Listen to yourself. Stop being your own worst enemy and just do it.

Self, we have been together since the beginning of time. Through heartbreaks and tears, triumphs and losses, I have always been proud of you. Proud of your accomplishments and proud of your failures for you never fail to see the lesson in them. Stop silencing me when I tell you these things. Hear me loud and clear. These negative thoughts of yours come from a voice that needs to be silenced once and for all.  Silence it. For the both of us. It hurts our heart when I hear you put yourself down.

Remember all those years ago when you and I last had a heart to heart talk? It was a moment when you had let your defenses down and my voice came through. You heard me loud and clear before you shut me out. I am your instinct. I am the beat of your heart and the firing synapses in your mind. I am the culmination of everything you have worked so hard for. I am the tears you have cried, the smiles you have beamed and the faith that you have in yourself. Stop silencing me and believe. Believe in yourself. Trust your internal power and the sheer force of your soul. Stop playing small. Stop walking away and learn to fight for yourself. Know your worth. Know it from the depths of your soul. The world doesn't give it to you. Relationships don’t give it to you. Nothing outside yourself is capable of defining your worth, only you. Stop selling yourself short and live out loud. Live authentically and live to the best of you. The world needs it. The world needs you and all you have to offer.

But first you must hear me when I talk to you. Whatever life brings for good or for worse- always believe in yourself. Stop silencing that little voice inside your soul. For that little voice is the champion of your existence and will never ever let you down. Believe in it and believe in yourself once and for all.

Thanks for finally listening.

Love,
          Yourself