Pot Holes and Dark Clouds

                     I may not know where my road leads. Or what is around the next turn.
                               I may not see the sudden pot holes nor dark clouds gathering.
                            I do know that I will continue walking, overcoming all that I find.
                                                         I will walk with humor and love.
                                                              I will never lose my stride.
                                                                                                                                             ~J.V. Manning


I wrote this a couple of weeks ago. I had come upon a crossroad that wasn't on any map on my world. Never saw it coming and then Bam! it was there. Rocked me pretty good. I thought that I may have finally come up against something that I wasn't prepared to handle. For me, this is unthinkable. I have faced and handled so much in my life, I was feeling pretty strong. Til I hit this particular crossroad, with dark storm clouds gathering off in the distance. I stumbled a bit a first. The weight of what could happen took my breath away and felt like the pressure of the universe sat squarely on my shoulders. Still does. Except now I am in a holding pattern, as the direction I need to go in has not been revealed yet. Life has decided to take the wait and see approach to this particular event. To say I am not exactly pleased, is an understatement. However I have absolutely zero control. So what am I going to do, wail at the heavens, plead with the stars? Not my style. I am going to dig deep and I am going to handle it. Whatever "it" turns out to be. 

Life can deal some nasty blows and some very unpleasant surprises at you. It is up to you to see things for what they are and deal. You have to deal. You may stumble and feel like the weight of whatever you have in your life is going to crush you, but it won't. It may feel like your world is splitting apart at the seams, that the pressure is going to drive you to your knees. It may. For a moment. That is ok. But only a moment.  There was one moment during this "event" that I really was splintering. I wanted to run, I wanted to hide, I wanted to find someone and say here, you handle this. I can't.  I went outside and I stood real still. Inside I was waging a war with myself. There was no "it will be ok" or "everything happens for a reason"... What there was, was a knock down drag out fight with myself. I wanted to curl up in a little ball and hide. I stumbled. Ohhh hell did I. For a moment. It was like I had to release all that in order to get it out of my head to realize, I got this shit handled. Regardless of the outcome, regardless that it is completely out of my control. I will handle it. I will hope and pray for the best, but I will prepare for the worst. Because that is what you do. You dig deep, deeper still and you find that never ending well of resolve to see what you have in front of you through. You don't back down, you don't walk away and you don't pretend it isn't there. You face it, you struggle with it and you handle it. 

Life is messy. It is also wonderful, powerful and amazing. A bad moment in your life, isn't your entire life. A bad year or two does not define your existence. Unless you let it.  You can wallow in all that is wrong, or has been wrong. Piss and moan about all you have been through in the past, having going on today and could have in the future.  Or you can see it for what it is.  Do not let the pot holes of life define you. Let your strength and resolve to handle your business and get on with living be what defines you.  You are strong enough, tough enough, smart enough. Stop telling yourself otherwise. And above all else, you are worth it. You deserve all the happiness and love this life has to offer. But it is up to you to make it happen. 

Walk your road with purpose. With your shoulders pulled back and a tilt to your chin. Look the world square in the eye and say; "I got this shit handled."  Keep walking because you never know what is around that next bend, it could just be all that you wanted, dreamed of and wished for.