Nothing but the Truth
Live honestly with yourself. You have to trust yourself and accept nothing less from the people in your life. Remember that some people will tell you what you want to hear so that they can feel better.
Trust in the ones that tell you what you need to hear so that you can get better.
Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. But what if your truth and my truth are completely different? What if my perception of the truth is a complete opposite of yours? What if something I live by, hold close to my heart and swear by, is something that rings false in your eyes, in your heart and in your mind?
Well, then we must learn a very simple but yet complex, lesson. There are personal truths, there are black and white truths and there are life altering truths. Truth is relative to the situation in which we find ourselves. Not every truth has an opposing falsehood. Some truths are simply that - true.
Belief systems are personal truths. What I believe to be truth IS truth - for me. You may believe something completely opposite from me and you are neither right nor wrong and neither am I. What we are is right for ourselves. I have absolutely no right to tell you that your truths are wrong. No right to look you in the eye and say that your truth and your beliefs are invalid because they are not mine. Nor do you have the right to say that to me.
Then there are black and white truths. Meaning, for example, if I look outside and see that it is snowing and someone else looks outside and says it is sunny and in the high eighties, one of us is telling a lie. Black and white truths are the most destructive of all. For it is from these truths that lies are born. Black and white truths are not subject to perception, not subject to one's beliefs and are the truths that get twisted, turned, and reworked the most.
Lies that get spun for a myriad of reasons to be sure, but wrong nonetheless.
Often the black and white truths can lead to life altering truths, more so when they have been covered up by lies and falsehoods for a period of time. The truth can set you free in a more literal sense. Once upon a time before I was born, a lie was conceived to cover a truth about who my father really was. Years later when the truth eventually came to light, as it always seems to, life were completely altered for me. A friend of mine is also facing a life altering truth when he found out about his wife of fifteen years has been having an affair. Black and white truths are subject to manipulation, to cover-ups and for all the wrong reasons. Usually to save someone else problems, heartache or keep themselves from getting into trouble.
I have zero tolerance for liars.
People that take the truth and twist it or completely discard it and recreate something new in its place, are one of my biggest pet peeves in life, someone who tells a new story or new "truth" that is completely based in lies, in order to get something they do not deserve, avoid something that they shouldn't or to hide transgressions that they have done. Then there are those people that tell lies about others in order to discredit them, or to make the liar out to be someone they are not. There is a woman I know that is constantly manipulating the truth so as to make herself appear to be a better person than anyone else, usually telling lies about others in order to make herself look good. It drives me absolutely insane. Instead of trying to better herself, she focuses all of her attention creating a new "reality", that anyone who spends even the smallest amount of time poking holes in the smokes screens, could see through. I think though, that she has done this for so long that she has actually started to believe in a lot of the lies.
Which leads me to my next thought, the lies we tell ourselves.
It is bad enough when someone we love and trust, lie to us. But what is even worse is when we lie to ourselves. Big or little lies, it doesn't matter, it is destructive and such a huge waste of time. Time that we could be using to correct something, face something and deal with something, instead of lying to ourselves because we aren't strong enough to face the truth. I think one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves on a daily basis is; "I'm fine" when in fact we are anything but.
Kind of a fake it til you make it idea that just never seems to work.
What is something you lie to yourself about? You have to know that you are doing it on some level. Do you think that if you tell yourself a lie long enough that it will become the truth eventually? It just doesn't work. You will never be the "I'm fine", unless you do something real and tangible to get there. Not seeing something for what it is, really is, is only delaying the inevitable. Lying to yourself that you are happy and fulfilled, does not make it so. Lying to yourself that you will get to the gym tomorrow, won't actually get you to the gym. Lying to yourself that you have absolutely dealt with something and have moved on, doesn't make it true. It is means that you have succeeded in lying to yourself.
I have a great friend that has no problem putting in my place and calling me out when I need it. When he thinks that I am not being totally truthful with myself, he will say so. We were having one of those late night, existential conversations a few weeks ago and I will never forget the look on his face when he looked at me square in the eye and said three little words to me; "You're not fine." We had been talking about everything that had happened in the past five years or so, and I was saying how I was worried about the effects it had on another person. I kept saying that I was fine with things, that I made peace and had moved on. He didn't buy it. Thing is, I really didn't buy it either but had been trying to convince myself otherwise. There are some things that I have dealt with and moved on from. That I am totally ok with. But there are a few that I am not and I need to be honest with myself about them. I do not do weakness well and I refuse to let anything knock me down for long. But, I need to give myself time to heal with some other things that have happened. I need to remember that - I am human.
The truth may hurt. It could strike through every protective shield you have in place. You may not want to hear it but you have to hear it. Never trust someone who lies to you, and never lie to someone who trusts you. If you make a mistake, own it. Feeling better about yourself is not gained by lying about someone else. It just makes you a liar when people find out and they will find out.
Lying to yourself solves absolutely nothing. You owe yourself the truth every single moment of every single day. Sure, the truth sometimes hurts. But lies upon lies until you can't even remember the truth - hurts even more. You can’t work on getting better, stronger or over something, if you lie about it even existing. Live honestly with yourself. You have to trust yourself and accept nothing less from the people in your life. Remember that some people will tell you what you want to hear, so that they can feel better. Trust in the ones that tell you what you need to hear, so that you can get better.
9/4/2013 01:42:58 pm
This is so awesome! I have struggled for many years with mental illness. It was not until January of 2013 that I accepted my state of mind. Since my acceptance, I have climbed mountains with debilitating physical illness, all the time accepting what was happening. Just Jenn, your excerpt above is much like my path to wellness. The truth is acceptance! Thank you for sharing,
9/10/2013 11:27:48 am
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