Through the Looking Glass

Your body and soul are not your enemy. Your heart beats for only one person - you. Feel the strength as your heart beats. Remind yourself that each beat of your heart is called purpose. 
It is beating for hope. 
It is beating for your life.
~J.V. Manning

We spend every single moment of our lives with ourselves. We can't take a break, we can't get away for a while. We feel our feelings, think our thoughts and reflect on our reflections all the time. We can't walk away if we are angry with ourselves in order to calm down. We can't change our bodies out daily if one decides not to feel right. We can't look into a mirror and see anything other than our own reflection staring back. When we make ourselves sad, we have to talk to ourselves about it. If we do something wrong and lie about it, we lie to ourselves. We believe more of what the world tells us about ourselves and regardless of how erroneous, we believe it to be truth.

Sometimes, we even get sick of ourselves. It's like an annoying visitor you just can't get to leave. What happens when you want to crawl out of your own skin and take a break from yourself but can't? What happens when you hate yourself? What happens when you betray yourself? What happens when you see yourself as a burden on others? What happens when you look through the looking glass and see yourself not as you imagined you would be by this point in life but instead see failure? What happens when the world beats you up so bad you begin to think it really is you?

What happens when you can't get away from you?

Some will seek help. Some will pull inside of themselves and hide their agony. Some will drink to silence the voices inside. Others will channel their inner turmoil into making others feel good. Some will break inside totally, yet present the most perfect facade to the world. Others will act out and do horrible things. Some will make you laugh, while inside they cry. While others will stop focusing on their pain and go above and beyond to be there for others. Others will simply float through their days, feeling nothing and losing any hope they had left.

Most will be searching for a way to get along with themselves in the process. Some will find peace they need with themselves in their service to others. Some will learn self-love over time. For some the help they seek will work and they will heal as they continue on day-by-day. Some will dig deep and fight like hell to pull themselves out of the darkness.

Some however, will break. Some will give up. Some will decide the only way to end the pain of being with themselves is by ending their life. They don't want the pain. They would rather quit then try any longer. They don't want to burden others, feeling they would be better off without them. They hate themselves completely. They don't want to face another day, see themselves ever again. So, they end it all. Irrevocably.

Every suicide is preventable.

However, it is not something an outside influence can prevent forever. It is only preventable forever with the power we all have within. We just have to remember it is there. We just have to hang on to the tendrils of our fight. We have to hold on, reach out and find ways to get comfortable within our own skin again. We have to stop looking for the world to validate us and learn to validate ourselves. We have to remind ourselves that while for the moment we may not be able to see our worth, doesn’t mean those who love us can't see it, either. You have to stop projecting onto those around you all your negative feelings, just because you feel that way, doesn't mean they do. All projecting onto loved ones does is give you an excuse. You do not need an excuse. You need to fight back the darkness that clouds your heart, mind and soul. 

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Fixing what is broken inside of ourselves is never easy. It's not easy to admit that maybe we aren't alright. Not to ourselves, especially not to others. No one wants to say the words. No one wants to stand up and say; "I'm broken, lost and clueless how to get better.” They hide their shame, their pain, and suffer in silence.

We must break the silence and shatter it into a million pieces. 

Suffering in silence, pretending and lying to yourself will never do the one thing you need desperately to do - become comfortable in your own skin. Understand that sometimes we lose ourselves. We lose our sense of purpose; our identity, direction and drive. Some get lost in the waves of depression and mental illness. Drowning, it becomes easier to just let go and get so lost within the disease that pulling themselves out feels impossible.

It's not impossible. Difficult, yes. Maddening, yes. Frustrating, yes.

Impossible - no.

You don't have to do it completely on your own. But, you have to WANT to do it. You have to feel it, hunger for it and dream about it. You have to fight when you are exhausted. Hope when you feel lost. Dig deep for each and every foothold on your journey. You have to do the work. Each small step is a victory. Won't happen overnight. It will take as long as it needs to. As long as you don't give up.

Your body and soul are not your enemy. Your heart beats for only one person - you. Feel the strength as your heart beats. Remind yourself that each beat of your heart is called purpose.

It is beating for hope.
It is beating for your life.

It's beating for you, within all those broken, uncomfortable pieces you have inside - it still beats strong. Giving you the strength you need to find yourself through. Those beats are the cadence of your soul, telling you not to betray the one person in this life who can save you...

You.