if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Have you ever sat alone with yourself, lost in your thoughts, feeling completely and utterly, alone? Feeling like no one in the world will understand what you are going through, what you have gone through, what you are facing? Do you feel the darkness creep in, fogging your brain, and making you want to lay down and sleep forever? Do you find that you wish someone would reach out and take this burden from your shoulders, as you are just to weary to carry it any longer? Do you sit in a group of friends and feel like no one understands your pain, your grief, your sadness? How could they understand everything you have been through, how could anyone? You walk through crowds, surrounded by strangers, and feel like you are apart from all of them. That their lives and their happiness is some how unobtainable for you. You feel envy and jealous when you glance into the lives of others, you want what they have. Do you ever stop and realize, that just maybe, they are looking at you and thinking the same thing?
1 out of every 10 Americans suffer from clinical depression. Depression can be triggered by any number of factors in one's life; chronic illness, death of a loved one, abuse, divorce, job loss..the list goes on. The big thing to remember with this, is, you are not alone. You are not alone in your suffering, in your history, in your sadness. Thought it feels like it, feels like there is this huge gulf between you and the people you love. You don't want to talk to your family, your friends, for fear that they will never understand, never see it, will blame you and tell you to just get over it. You would, in a heartbeat, but you find that you can't. Your world becomes so shrouded in the gray, that even the sun seems to have lost its shine. You retreat further and further into yourself, you withdraw. Friends and family see it, see you retreating but say nothing. Depression has become, "the elephant in the room" Out of fear, out of weakness, out of lack of understanding, the elephant or issue remains where it is, and all that refuse to talk about it or see it for what it is, gingerly tiptoe around it. You feel even more cut off from the world. How can anyone understand what you are feeling when you really don't understand it yourself. You decide to let it go, you don't reach out for help, you don't call your doctor, your therapist, your family. You leave that elephant in the corner of the room and hope one day it disappears, but it never does. As the days and weeks wear on, you get tired, more tired than you ever thought imaginable. You just want it to end, you want to sleep forever. You think of how much better the world would be without you, no one would even notice. You just want the pain to be over, you want happiness, but you just know somehow that its not for you to have.
It is in the darkest moment, that one must turn on the light. Cast the shadows back into the corners of your mind, and find a way out. You have to want to get better, to feel happiness, you have to fight for it. And know that you are not alone in your fight, there are so many out there that face the same battle as you. A strong person is one who asks for help when they need it. There is no shame in asking for help, no shame in talking about what you are experiencing and the struggle you have been in. The only shame to be had, is NOT asking for help. You may not see it now, but you are so important to people that love you and to strangers you have yet to meet. You are worth fighting for, always. Remember that, hold it close to you, and repeat it over and over, You are worth fighting for. Your life, your presence matter and you are not alone.
Reach out. Ask for help and fight. If you find yourself completely lost, and you feel like there is no where to turn, call this helpline, 1-800-273-8255(TALK).
Just never give up, and remember that sometimes in tragedy, you find your life's purpose, the eye sheds a tear in order to find its focus.