You really can't love unconditionally. People can burn and beat love out of you.
They really can kill it, and it's not your fault you don't feel it any more, and how liberating it is to finally realize that. Love isn't for better or worse, through thick or thin. It damn well shouldn't be.. Dr. Kay Scarpetta, Red Mist. By:Patricia Cornwell Everyone is always searching for that elusive unconditional love. The older I get the more I realise that it is a myth. The premise that unconditional love is impossible, will have some people shaking their heads at me, I know. But if you stop and think about it, how can you love another person without conditions. Why would you really even want to? It is the ultimate sacrifice of you. To give someone that much control really is to say, go ahead hurt me, lie to me, abuse me, use me and I will still love you. Ummm, no. Well not in my world anyway. I love my husband with every ounce of my being. I love his good points, his strength, his integrity, his dedication and I love his flaws...the ever procastinating, the channel flipping, the hours he works. I love all of him. I don't try to change him, mold him or want him to be anything other than who and what he is. I love him unconditionally..with conditions. I love the man he is and the man he wants to be. Unless that man one day decides to hurt me, then its game over. People never walk into a relationship and settle down expecting the worse to happen, ok well most of us don't.. but as the adage goes, Shit Happens. If one day he were to morph into Captain Asshole, then those conditions would come into play. Love should mean, love me for me, flaws and all. Don't try to change me into someone else, trust in me, challenge me, allow me to grow. Love my independence and my spontaniety. It should mean that you can count on me to always be faithful, always love you for who you are, to always challenge you and be excited to watch you grow. I will unconditionally love you for you, unless that you changes for the worse and then well, there are conditions. Man or woman doesn't matter, we all should enter into relationships with established conditions, and love unconditionally only as long as those conditions are being met. Why would you sacrifice yourself, allow your self to be abused, because you unconditionally love your partner, husband, wife, lover? There is no honor in selling yourself short. For better or worse, through thick and through thin, in this day in age are being taken totally to literal. Granted every relationship has its ups and downs in the normal course of life and that is fine, you weather those and become a stronger couple. Life happens and stress occurs. But if these stresses, lead to your wife cheating on you, or your boyfriend taking all his aggrevations out on you, physically or mentally, then why would you continue on with this person? You can't love without conditions in a marriage or relationship because to do so is like selling your soul. I asked on my facebook page last week, what people thought about unconditional love. Their answers surprised me not going to lie. They for the most part said it doesn't exist. Unless it was the love of a parent to a child, and even then that doesn't happen all the time. But that is a whole 'nother blog. I think though that I loved one woman's response the best, she said the only unconditional love that existed, was the love of a dog. I think she may be on to something there. I do have to say that there is one form on unconditional love that I do believe in, and that is to love yourself. You may beat yourself up, get angry at yourself over mistakes, but you have to always love yourself. That isn't the easiest thing to do, I know, believe me I know. Always love unconditionally...with conditions. For the simple reason, you are worth the sun, the moon and the stars...and no one should ever have the power to hurt you.
7 Comments
1/11/2012 10:32:07 am
For me, loving "YOU" unconditionally requires that I love myself unconditionally ... and that may look different than what others may think ... it may mean loving "YOU" from a distance while I love me ... up close and personal.
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Conscience Love
1/11/2012 01:45:21 pm
I answered in ur previous post regarding this and I said no tht I did not believe in unconditional love, and then I said well I love my children unconditionally...at least I think I do...im thankful for this blog, I completely agree with u...unconditional love with conditions...if you love yourself unconditionally then you wouldn't allow someone you love to hurt you, as in abuse you, cheat, etc...so yes loving yourself unconditionally is the key! I think with children it is different, but I believe the difference is this: children can also burn you, and beat the love out of you, but as for me...i will always love mine unconditionally, but if they change and begin to abuse me, my love, my trust whether mentally, physically, or emotionally, then I will have to unconditionally love them from a distance...i will not allow them to live with me and abuse me in any sense of the word...not ever...and if some people think that is love with conditions and thats wrong, then so be it...thats reality! I have a 19, 15, n a12 yr old...my 19 yr old has been a true experience...if I haven't learned what to take n what not to take, and how and when to love up close and from a distance from our relationship...then I don't believe it can be learned! Lol! So, in conclusion...i think that you are right! I appreciate the insight! :)
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Kathi Lewis
1/26/2012 01:43:02 pm
I have just recently ran across your facebook page. ( I love it by the way) and in doing so, I saw where you had posted some blogs. I will say that your writing is very natural in that it seems to flow out of you. My mom was a writer. It has to come naturally to some folks.
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Random Thoughts
1/27/2012 09:41:14 am
All of your comments are so amazing!! I am so proud that such wonderful people take the time to not only read what I write, but to comment so thoughtfully as well.
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2/7/2012 03:51:42 am
I think unconditional love is just as you say....loving someone for who they are without trying to change them...flaws and all. Sometimes sacrificing your own time or desires, to do things that please your spouse or partner. It is a give and take. But, you are right....you should never sacrifice your standards for the sake of "love". If my husband turned around and became Captain Asshole, you are right....I would stand up for myself, and not just stay in an abusive situation because I love him...I love me! But, under "normal" circumstances in our marriage, I do try to give him the most unconditional love that I can. (Although I'm sure I don't do a perfect job.) I do try though, and he does the same for me. Give and take, a healthy balance. xoxo Thank you for writing this today. Very thought provoking...especially as I think about some friends who are going through some tough stuff in their marriages right now. You write beautifully, and express your thoughts clearly! <3
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