Unintended Consequences

At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart
but not in your life. 
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Sometimes life can get incredibly overwhelming and not because anything horrible or bad happened but because you’ve changed so much from who you used to be and into someone who sees life from a whole new perspective. Things that used to matter so much become meaningless. Thoughts and emotions you thought were the be-all-end-all in your mind, changed. What you want now is not even close to what you wanted five years ago.

The landscapes of our lives change as dramatically as we do and coming to the stark reality of what this means is incredibly hard to acclimate to. We will have to let go of more than we anticipated, lose as much if not more than we gain at first and not everyone in our lives will get it, keep up or be accepting of all the changes we’ve made.

It can hurt, too.
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Okay, let’s be honest here. It’s completely heart wrenching when you realize you’ve changed and grown so much that those who were a part of your yesterdays are now are off in the distance, and while you are totally okay with some of them being left behind in your past, there are a select few you want in your future. Seeing that gap between you grow is disconcerting, and you’re not entirely sure you what that means only that it causes a stirring of conflict deep within your belly. You are thrilled that your life is completely different because you’re happier, excited and hopeful, but all of a sudden you realize living your truths have unintended consequences. 

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It is an incredibly lonely part of your journey when you look around, and it feels like you don’t have a place in your world anymore. When things that used to be good enough, no longer are. When you crave authentic, emotional, connected living and those who you’re surrounded by just don’t understand where you’re coming from or how to give it to you.

When living the status quo isn’t working for you anymore, but everyone else seems totally okay with it.

You ask yourself what will happen if they don’t catch up. What happens if to live authentically – you evolve yourself right out of everything that at one point meant everything to you? What happens when you live in a way that honors who you are, standing up for yourself and finally having the strength to see to your needs and desires and not everyone gets it? What happens if all of your changes hurt someone else who wasn’t expecting them?

What then?
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Going back to the way you were is almost impossible once you know better. Once you’ve tasted how amazing life feels when you are living your truth, anything less is unacceptable. In all honesty reverting into old patterns is just letting fear of the unknown take control. You have worked incredibly hard, overcome huge obstacles and have done what was needed to get to this very moment. Stopping now would be a travesty. 

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You don’t have to lose everything to maintain and continue your growth. What you have to stop doing though is placing your fears and expectations onto those you care about. They don’t have to keep up; they don’t have to change. They are allowed to get freaked out when you suddenly start speaking up for yourself or changing the game on them. They’re human. Expecting the important souls in your life to keep up isn’t fair to them, and that misconception will not only damage your heart extensively but also make you question everything you’ve worked so hard for. 

Who I was five years ago is a completely different creature than who I am today. I will never say this metamorphosis was an easy transition. It wasn’t. But it’s the unintended consequences of all of my growth which have been staring me in the face longer than I care to admit, that feel like another massive hurdle to get over. I ignored them for as long as I could, it’s amazing what we can convince ourselves of when it comes right down to it, but have known on some level that to fully embrace the new me – I had to deal with them.

Which meant putting my shiny new insights into what authentic, honest living meant to me – into use. 

I may not completely know what I want, I am still learning every single day, and there are many possibilities to explore, but I know clearly and unequivocally what no longer works for me. This means speaking uncomfortable truths that are no one else’s but my own and learning to honor other’s reactions to them. It’s accepting that others may not be on the same page or even in the same chapter as me any longer, but that doesn’t mean they no longer have a place in my life. That said, we can’t get upset or angry with them if we aren’t willing to open ourselves up, become vulnerable and speak our truths. We have to give them the chance to process, accept and love the changes we’ve made.
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Maybe it works out. Maybe it doesn’t. Doesn’t mean you love them any less, just means you’ve come to love yourself more. Listen to your instincts. When the yearning to go further eclipses your now and you are no longer all in with those you love; the kindest and the fairest thing you can do - is let them go towards their future while you continue to create yours. 

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