• Home
  • Blog
  • Books
  • J.V. Manning
  • Contact
  Random Thoughts n' Lotsa Coffee

Unintended Consequences 

1/10/2016

5 Comments

 
At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart
but not in your life. 
​
Picture
Sometimes life can get incredibly overwhelming and not because anything horrible or bad happened but because you’ve changed so much from who you used to be and into someone who sees life from a whole new perspective. Things that used to matter so much become meaningless. Thoughts and emotions you thought were the be-all-end-all in your mind, changed. What you want now is not even close to what you wanted five years ago.

The landscapes of our lives change as dramatically as we do and coming to the stark reality of what this means is incredibly hard to acclimate to. We will have to let go of more than we anticipated, lose as much if not more than we gain at first and not everyone in our lives will get it, keep up or be accepting of all the changes we’ve made.

It can hurt, too.
​
Okay, let’s be honest here. It’s completely heart wrenching when you realize you’ve changed and grown so much that those who were a part of your yesterdays are now are off in the distance, and while you are totally okay with some of them being left behind in your past, there are a select few you want in your future. Seeing that gap between you grow is disconcerting, and you’re not entirely sure you what that means only that it causes a stirring of conflict deep within your belly. You are thrilled that your life is completely different because you’re happier, excited and hopeful, but all of a sudden you realize living your truths have unintended consequences. 

Picture
It is an incredibly lonely part of your journey when you look around, and it feels like you don’t have a place in your world anymore. When things that used to be good enough, no longer are. When you crave authentic, emotional, connected living and those who you’re surrounded by just don’t understand where you’re coming from or how to give it to you.

When living the status quo isn’t working for you anymore, but everyone else seems totally okay with it.

You ask yourself what will happen if they don’t catch up. What happens if to live authentically – you evolve yourself right out of everything that at one point meant everything to you? What happens when you live in a way that honors who you are, standing up for yourself and finally having the strength to see to your needs and desires and not everyone gets it? What happens if all of your changes hurt someone else who wasn’t expecting them?

What then?
​
Going back to the way you were is almost impossible once you know better. Once you’ve tasted how amazing life feels when you are living your truth, anything less is unacceptable. In all honesty reverting into old patterns is just letting fear of the unknown take control. You have worked incredibly hard, overcome huge obstacles and have done what was needed to get to this very moment. Stopping now would be a travesty. 

Picture
You don’t have to lose everything to maintain and continue your growth. What you have to stop doing though is placing your fears and expectations onto those you care about. They don’t have to keep up; they don’t have to change. They are allowed to get freaked out when you suddenly start speaking up for yourself or changing the game on them. They’re human. Expecting the important souls in your life to keep up isn’t fair to them, and that misconception will not only damage your heart extensively but also make you question everything you’ve worked so hard for. 

Who I was five years ago is a completely different creature than who I am today. I will never say this metamorphosis was an easy transition. It wasn’t. But it’s the unintended consequences of all of my growth which have been staring me in the face longer than I care to admit, that feel like another massive hurdle to get over. I ignored them for as long as I could, it’s amazing what we can convince ourselves of when it comes right down to it, but have known on some level that to fully embrace the new me – I had to deal with them.

Which meant putting my shiny new insights into what authentic, honest living meant to me – into use. 

I may not completely know what I want, I am still learning every single day, and there are many possibilities to explore, but I know clearly and unequivocally what no longer works for me. This means speaking uncomfortable truths that are no one else’s but my own and learning to honor other’s reactions to them. It’s accepting that others may not be on the same page or even in the same chapter as me any longer, but that doesn’t mean they no longer have a place in my life. That said, we can’t get upset or angry with them if we aren’t willing to open ourselves up, become vulnerable and speak our truths. We have to give them the chance to process, accept and love the changes we’ve made.
​
Maybe it works out. Maybe it doesn’t. Doesn’t mean you love them any less, just means you’ve come to love yourself more. Listen to your instincts. When the yearning to go further eclipses your now and you are no longer all in with those you love; the kindest and the fairest thing you can do - is let them go towards their future while you continue to create yours. 

5 Comments
Rachel
1/17/2016 09:56:42 am

Stumbled upon your blog today. Lovely sentiments, thank you for sharing.

Reply
Bonnie Parsons
1/17/2016 04:24:38 pm

love your thoughts...they seem to resonate with me.

Reply
Theresa
1/25/2016 02:31:20 pm

There is so much truth in this post, Jenn. It's so hard when we want to grow, but some of our loved ones don't want us to. We can love them always, but what we can't do is let their opinions sway us or hold us back from being the people we are divinely inspired to be. I found your blog via Facebook (I'm Theresa from Tenderly Theresa). I adore your FB page, and will now also be subscribing to your blog. Thank you for your beautiful soul and for the wonderful messages you send out into the world.

Reply
Bonnie Marie link
8/9/2016 06:29:17 pm

A friend shared, and I do love this. For the past three years this has been my journey. At first I tried to impress and keep all doors open after my husband died. Now I am much happier having incorporated many of your sentiments into my psyche.

Reply
Elizabeth Hames
2/20/2018 07:29:35 pm

I stumbled on this piece 1/11/16. And emailed to myself. Have come back and re-read many times, each and every time it rings so much truth.
Complements to the author.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.



    Picture
    Please Support
    ​ JV Manning's work and keep her in coffee ♥
    Venmo: @JVManning

    ©JVManning 2020 All Rights Reserved


    Picture

    Archives

    November 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    December 2019
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011

    Picture

    •Terms of Service 
    •Mental Health Disclaimer • Privacy Policy
 Terms of Service  •  Privacy Policy
© Random Thoughts n' Lotsa Coffee  & Caffeinated Inspirations  2010-2020
 All Rights Reserved
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Books
  • J.V. Manning
  • Contact