By remaining silent you only hurt yourself. Speak up for what you want, what you need and what you simply will not tolerate. Value yourself enough to speak your mind. Use your words. ~J.V. Manning I told a good friend of mine today to- "Use Your Big Girl Words." She is 43 years old. A mother, a wife, and a professional. She has more inner strength than she gives herself credit for. But what she doesn't have is her voice. Well she has her voice- just not her inner voice that speaks up for herself. She is getting there slowly. However sometimes she needs that swift kick in the ass to remind her to use her words. Which as her friend I am more than happy to provide. Why? Because she is worth it. Because if she doesn't learn to speak up for herself; for what she wants, what she needs and to set boundaries, people will always walk all over her. She knows this. But being the gentle soul that she is she doesn't want to hurt anyone. She doesn't want to make demands, say no, or ask for anything. She is in all ways a giver. Which is awesome. However, one cannot always give and give and give. Sometimes the givers of this world need to receive. For many years I silenced my voice. Growing up what I thought, what I needed and my boundaries did not matter. I learned early on that keeping quiet and just following the party line in my family made life easier. Not better. Not worthwhile. Just easier. Less drama and more peace. I told my mother what she needed to hear in order to make her feel better. I did things that I had no interest in doing because that was what was expected of me. I placated and I went along with her. She was the driving force in my life. I silenced everything in order for her to be happy. I resented it. But it became my normal. Anyone reading this who knows me personally is going to chuckle. I am known to be outspoken, blunt and to be relied on to say things that need saying. But what they probably have never realized that until recently-my words were always for others. I never made my voice heard for me. I used my voice for those whose voices were silent for one reason or another. But I never spoke up for myself. Never fought for myself. Until a few years ago when I realized something- If I didn't speak up for what I wanted, deserved or needed- no one was going to do it for me. I had to use my voice and make what I needed and I wanted, known. I had to speak up for my happiness, my needs and I needed to set boundaries. With everyone I cared about and wanted in my life. As well as people I dealt with out in the world. Using your voice for yourself is not selfish. It is not conceited nor is it bad. Using your voice for yourself gives you power over your own life. You cannot live your life for others before first living for yourself. A lot of people have trouble with this. It feels selfish. Which speaks highly of their character, it is admiral to always want to do for others. But you deserve words too. You deserve to speak your mind and communicate with the world what YOU want. Your needs however basic are important. If you keep sacrificing them for everyone else- what will you be left with? Think about that for a second. If you never speak up for yourself-never go after what you want, never set boundaries for what is ok for you, what are you left with?
The answer- nothing. Well nothing but resentment, lack of confidence and a strong feeling that you are not worth it. Which is as far from the truth that you can get. Why is it so hard to say what we feel? Why is it so hard to speak up for ourselves? For some we learned silence at an early age. For others it is a lack of confidence, lack of self worth. But we all need to get over this. You matter. Your thoughts, your dreams and your needs matter. Remind yourself of this. Use.Your.Words.
14 Comments
Mary Ellen
11/29/2012 12:38:22 pm
Thank you for using your words;
Reply
Random Jenn
11/29/2012 12:47:39 pm
Thank you Mary Ellen!! The "smile and nod" mentality has got to stop. I hope this helps people find their voice!!
Reply
Eleanor
11/29/2012 06:31:28 pm
You couldn't have said it better. I needed to read this today. Thank you.
Reply
Random Jenn
4/13/2013 03:01:09 am
Thank you Eleanor ♥
Reply
Debbie
11/29/2012 10:31:52 pm
Very well said!
Reply
Random Jenn
4/13/2013 03:01:40 am
♥ Thank you Debbie
Reply
Salli
11/30/2012 03:30:04 am
Thank you, as always, Jenn! I needed this today! 14 years of not having a voice, is hard to turn around...but not impossible! Thank you!
Reply
Random Jenn
4/13/2013 03:02:35 am
Salli- You can do it. You deserve no less. Keep reminding yourself of this. Stay strong.
Reply
12/5/2012 12:39:04 pm
Nicely done. Your friend will serve her children well by teaching them by example - how to respect yourself and have a voice in this sometimes loud and overwhelming world. Sweet words and a lovely post. xoJulia
Reply
Random Jenn
4/13/2013 03:03:17 am
♥ You speak truth here Julia. Thank you.
Reply
Rose-Anne
4/12/2013 01:32:33 pm
Wow. You just summed me up to a "T"!! The old me that is. How beautiful it is that social media such as Facebook allows us to connect to such strong, empowering and amazing people with such insight as yourself. Your words always resonate within me in some way or form.
Reply
Random Jenn
4/13/2013 02:53:33 am
Rose-Anne! Thank you ♥ and I love fuzzy sox!!! I am so happy to read that you are on the right path and taking care of yourself. That is so awesome to read!!
Reply
debbie
4/12/2013 03:18:48 pm
What great advice , I know I need to learn how to do this for sure.......but I really dont know how...I have stood my ground once or twice, maybe thats what I need to do more of?? say what you mean?????? Its all very confusing to me right now......lot going on. I will read this again, for the third time and try to get a clearer picture of it....thanks for your postings, xo
Reply
Random Jenn
4/13/2013 03:05:22 am
Debbie,
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Please Support
JV Manning's work and keep her in coffee ♥ Venmo: @JVManning ©JVManning 2020 All Rights ReservedArchives
November 2020
|